Happy Actually Ash Wednesday! The freaking unthinkable happened this past weekend, I actually had a day off to myself. I love these rare days, and just like snow days this rarity must be treasured and treated with the utmost planning and respect. So the night before I hopped on google maps and It's kinda funny I have this weird knack for cartography ( the study of drawing maps) who knew I am not the straightest thing in the world, but boy can I draw a straight line to your allotted destination. I usually will keep it under an hour for a morning excretion. I like to be home in the afternoon to catch the sun and cuddle my cat. We have some solid naps, now that I finally found the right pillows for my couch. Achievement unlocked. So what I like to do is come up with a list of places, usually it centers around coffee or food base to get me going, and then I like to find a secondary activity usually something physical like hiking this past weekend I had some other plans: ​

     I first started out my morning at The Blossom Cafe in Skippack PA, I have never been here in my life, I  literally thought there wasn’t a place I haven’t stepped foot in in a 60 mi radius.  I guess I was wrong lol, this place was very cute with some of the most impressive pottery and mugs I have ever seen- for background I spent 5 summer teaching kids art and mostly ceramics. This place also offered classes :) I’ll definitely be back for that. The upstairs of the cafe offered a cosy feel. I poked my head up there cause it was super crowded while I was waiting for my cortado, and toast. Very cute, and they had a succulent bar, where you can make your own succulent- I thought that was such a cute idea! I have been wanting a new plant lately but after parting with 2 I think it's best to hold off and enjoy the plant babies I have already. It was warm enough that I got to eat outside and under the heat lamp sunning myself in the midmorning sun, and artificial heat my lizard ass enjoyed the heck out of my breakfast. I also watched a couple meet up for the first time on tinder. He should have paid for her drink, just my opinion. Overall, The Blossom Cafe was so cute and I really want to go back and check out the ceramics classes, as well as the actual town. ​

      My second stop, also coffee related idk I guess that was this Saturday's theme I found myself at Speakeasy Coffee Company, Pennsburg PA. I almost drove past this place because it is allllllll theeeeeee wayyyyyy in the back of an industrial park. But I found it with plenty of parking. Looking like a relatively new outpost, Speakeasy Coffee Company had a great selection of drinks, and my cortado was like double the size of the first one I had, and the same price, a win in my book. I got another mug because eh fuck it- and proceeded to a room where I could see the roasting process. If you also don't know a fun Ash fact is I have about a little under 5 years working with coffee, and spirits, distilling grain, and roasting beans aint all that different as I found out. There was a cool map that I saw where their coffee beans grow, and I got to choose a few sample flavors because I answered the owners trivia questions all correctly. I am a slut for trivia- and yes I am super competitive. There is only 1st, everyone else is a dumb dumb.  Bonus: Spice and Such room I bought 1lb of Catnip for my floofy son because he was crying when I left that morning and he was home all alone. He loved it, he was so cute. The dried forest mushrooms seemed really interesting - I love weird food ingredients. ​

Happy Ash Wed

-Ash

The “Window” RANT
Written By: Ash Catcher ​

     What is everyone's hurry to run off and get married, pop out some kids, and buy property in the suburbs. Did I miss something? Did I miss this “window” in my 20’s where I needed to rush back to the very place I was trying to escape? This past decade of my life was nothing close to a fucking cluster fuck, I tried making a turn around when I turned 27 and chose to singlehandedly focus on self growth, my personal wealth, an naturally financial investmentments. I have a huge collection of artwork, my own and others that I can't even begin to price point. I am not bragging, I just have other priorities, and thought about what is the harm in collecting something with enormous potential for financial gain. I hate to admit that but that is all my Father right there.  I would rather be surrounded with equity than shacking up and popping out 2.5 kids. I got a cat now I am good in the spawn department, Banner is the spitting image of me. I both love him, and hate him for it. He is needy, and meows a lot, andI couldn’t give two fucks about what happened the other week. Plus I wake up every morning at 1am and again at 4:30am… how is that like not having a baby? 


     So my goals may be a little skewed, maybe  I am too far up my own ass on this but hey someone has to be there right. What is wrong with prioritizing yourself?  To me personally it is all about self preservation I see next to little wrong with this. But please for the love of god why are people my age getting married. What a stupid thing to do, I went to at least 10 weddings in the past 2- 3 years, guess what I am also attending their respective divorce parties or second weddings as well. Sure some couples can make it work but it requires an ungodly amount of patience, and prioritizing someone else over yourself. I am not there nor will I ever be. I think people my age, let alone my generation, can seriously commit to someone else other than themselves. . I look out for myself. I am always there for me, because I know at the end of the day nobody else matters. Again call it what you want. It is self preservation, and I will not share my hard work with anyone else. No-one benefits from me anymore. 

     I think it's beautiful when two people can truly work together and prioritize not just one another, but themselves as a whole. There is no I in TEAM, but there is  AT ME, don’t come at me because I refuse to be put into a box, or a preconceived notion embedded in society to only benefit mostly men. What do I get out of all this???!!! How can someone possibly work 40+ hours, weekly average? I am pushing close to 55- 60 hrs and maintaining a household- it doesn’t seem possible, these milestone moments seem next to impossible sometimes, and require way too much money that I could ever justify spending.  Why am I always tired, haha. 


and is there a door that has some sort of insite going to present itself my way to. change my mind? 

-Ash ​

I think when it comes to relationships, and friendships… uh I guess even family too we always seem to hyper focus on the negative. It's always well what are the red flags? Why so negative? Here is what I wanted to do this week, I wanted to keep it high vibe and give you my personal top 5 green flags in a relationship! 

1. They have hobbies, if they have a sense of themselves and a core group of friends I am always happy to see someone who can be in a relationship yet still maintain their individuality, like I am so happy you and I can build a life together potentially- but I like to see you can do it without my help too. Independence is sexy 
2. Your work ethic, I like someone who has, I am not sure how to say this, borderline robotic work ethic, I don't necessarily want your work-life balance to suffer and for our relationship to not be prioritized. I have had that issue in the past and was too oblivious to address it, I don't have that issue anymore now. I speak my mind now, maybe a little too much. Work hard, play hard. I like to have fun, but I'll never openly show what I look like after working 13 hours straight. Got to leave something to the Imagination. 
3. Be Upfront: I like someone who tells me how it is, I am not a mind reader, just yet and I really like it when I know a persons standards that they are holding for our relationship Tell me you like me as dumb as that sounds. Consistent communication can curb any doubts in a relationship. Ask me anything. I am a very open person. 
4. Respect: This is definitely higher on my list but I am in an irrational state usually when I am writing something so If your significant other has the ability to not only respect you, their friends, and family, but it would be kinda cool if they can just openly respect others all around. Told you I am keeping it a high vibe. I think respect speaks volumes about a person’s character, and integrity. 
5. The Little Things: I am a stickler for detail- you don't want to see me behind a camera I can take the creative process and run with it usually, that saying less is more does not pertain to relationships. You should always try and go above and beyond. Little gestures, cooking, gifts are all things that show affection. Like a baby bird I am always collecting shiny objects, play your cards right and you may just get one! 

I would love to do part 2! Maybe next time. 


See ya next week!

Reddit And Weep
Written By: Ash Catcher 

I wanted to take some time to address this via a thread. 
The things that most people post anon would never admit on their deathbed. 
But will blast it out on the internet for all to see, permanently etched in Java Script or HTM- HELL.
Broken down over time, kept perfectly intact, each chronological lie, all lacking moral. 

Never understood why people poured out their heart and soul.
When in real life you could never keep it together, or take control. 
Suddenly I came across this handle that seemed a bit all too familiar. 
After a little bit of reading, I can sort of make out your words, through the societal filters. 

The freedom to be this other person, who is kind and encouraging to strangers. 
I guess it's true what they say about all entertainers. 
You’re always ON, and you are all a bit OFF, using people as props and stuff. 
But your profile, sheesh that is where I guess you are really you, reality doesn’t seem enough. 

At times I’ll stumble upon a thread and there you will have commented on something again. 
You are positive and encouraging, your words sound quite reserved and zen. 
But then I remember the version of you I got.
I laugh and smile about how I am better off. 

How words are nice and neat and all. 
Hidden behind all those lies, and firewalls. 
Duck down, and hide behind your computer or phone. 
I guess it would be unorthodox to have your cover blown. 

But reddit, and weep this shit is entertainment to me.
I Love it when people who hurt me try to act like they have a kindness to strangers degree. 
I love seeing the real versions of people, unedited, and filled with bugs.
The broken, unhinged prototypes ruled by vices like alcohol, and drugs. 

Sometimes we are authentically and unapologetically us in real life and the digital world.
IRL people are just dicks, nothing can change, there is no amount of time, it's just what I observed. 
On most nights when I can't sleep, there is a place I can go to talk anon about anything.  
I think I prepared myself for this my whole childhood, way too much time playing SIMS. 

​
-Ash 

     Like most trending, and popular things I am once again late to this party. Not going to lie like 2 weeks ago maybe 3 cause timelines have been sticking together lately. I have never even heard of this show Euphoria. Apparently season 1 came out around 2019, I am all about a predominantly female cast, however I can't help but notice a few things about this show that raises a glittery eyebrow, or two.  Case in point I thought this trope was beaten to absolute shit in the late 2000’s but I guess not the whole idea of The Manic Pixie Dream Girl. It seems like each of these female characters in the show try to pay a certain homage to this over excavated topic. But people are here for it. I had a lot more important things back in 2019, I had no time to dedicate to a show, especially a new one. However, after a few years life is getting progressively bleaker, and I have spent my lunch break researching eye creams and face serums because I’ll be approaching my 30’s in less than 6 months….. eh yeah sure I have some time to dedicate to this. 

     This show is without a doubt excellently casted, it's beautifully written, everyone's outfits, hair, and makeup are impeccable, a bit too much glitter for my taste kinda sounds like a crafting nightmare gone a rye, but to each their own. I noticed that the director, Sam Levinson is exceptionally well at casting younger actors that look exactly like their older counterparts, or Euphoria has a team of photoshop wizards, and witches. Yet with such technological advances, and creatives that HBO has access to, we are still hyper focused on sexualizing women, predominantly minors, because apparently all 24 year olds really look 15 to Hollywood. This is a good show do not get me wrong I liked it, I did binge watch it I just can’t ignore the perverseness that seems to at times outshine, how most of these female characters seem to always become “unhinged” at the sight of any man, and/or addictive substance. As much as unlikeable as one of the main characters is, I actually really feel bad for them. 

      I like the way this show plays with narrative. Our narrator, Rue, has substance abuse problems to put it nicely she is an addict, it doesn’t matter to what she will do it, and it Season 2 she does some pretty stupid shit that I am predicting she will 99.9% either overdose again for the 2nd time that we know about, or she is getting her ass human trafficked and Whelp this was a nice little show that ends after two seasons thank you, and goodnight. It is because of the way the director portrays addiction that intrigues me. Rue hides her drug use from her I guess Jules as her partner. But they're open. I am still trying to figure that out, I guess it's a complicated situation. Her Gf has no idea, I cannot tell you how many times I have actually found myself in that situation. I have had friends, family, partners, and I guess shesh at times sure I’ve been guilty of this once or twice. Unfortunately most of the time it is too late and one of two things can be found true:  "This" their drug habit that they have squirreled away, has been going on way before you have even been in the picture and its not that they can't get better it is that they do not want to get better. That's the downward spiral talking. I find this to be another interesting thing about drug use especially in T.V. drugs are artfully glamorized. I don't know really why that is unless maybe Pharma has a hand or two in the media, oh wait never mind. This show is riddled with some really cringe moments, and at most times ends up contradicting itself entirely- but I kinda do that too. 

     Euphoria’s undeniable crutch on the "Unreliable Narrator” is something that we really do see a lot  in television, and media outlets especially when portions of the story centers on opiates, and narcotics. This is all from Rue’s POV and if she is an addict, like  I can probably count on one hand how many times she has been sober. While I like her as a character, I think it is ironic that she is chosen to break the 4th wall and become our narrator. She is simply unreliable and I just question everything she says and does. I have been doing that alot lately. This show, while visually appealing, is not suitable for someone who over-thinks as much as I do. 

     Some examples of The Unreliable Narrator in literature and Movies: Shutter Island, Gone Girl,  American Psycho, Fight Club, YOU, The Bell Jar, Lolita, Naked Lunch, Joker, Memento, Mr. Robot, Hell even High Fidelity can be considered "Unreliable” we rarely get the other version of the story, or god forbid the actual truth. This is a very common theme, so is MPDG. 

     Let's circle back a bit, to that whole 500 Day of Summer, Blue Haired, quirky character trope. There is an underlying homage to mania presented in this show. When someone has a manic moment, a lapse in character, or judgement-  who all of a sudden there is either complete and utter clarity, or a touch of sobriety seems to grace us, and the character. It's a quick little moment that is shared between the actors and the viewer. With this show there seems to be some pissing contest who can be crazier than the next character. It makes for a great story but also the reality of manic episodes are anything but fun. I hope that they choose to explore that route bit more, and how even minor characters seem to be able to stand alone and could have a whole show about them, I really liked a Spanish drama that ended up doing that, Elite’ and from the looks of my HBO Queue, Euphoria is  following suite with stand alone one shots! Solid show I will continue to watch.


I guess the only thing everyone is collectively on is each other, and glitter. 

See ya next week! 

-Ash 

​Ash Wednesday: Loft
Written By: Ash Catcher 

Loft

Look out, across the land nothing but the soft buzzing air. 
Hard to see on a map, back then anyone recall foursquare. 
One house rancher, just propped up another level. 
I never expected you of all people to know how to make a pretzel. 

But here up on the second story with no ground underneath. 
Reminds me of a time back when I was younger, when I had less teeth. 
Lofty housing built above a garage. 
Separate from the house, just a bit more camouflage. 

Best night sleep of my life, 
Kitchen outfitted with everything but a bread knife. 
The quiet, the lack of sound. 
Nothing in the background. 

But the uncanny sound of silence. 
Something different from all the drugs and violence. 
A place of solace, with not much to do. 
Wifi spotty, just need a permit to park my coup. 

Farmland, barnland, places that look like movie sets. 
When faced with your thoughts alone, it's like challenging yourself to chess. 
Is it the back to basics that you need, or the lack of distracting things. 
I am beyond excited to see what this next Spring brings. 



-Ash

I need to split myself into fourths. 
I know this is impossible of course. 
But if I had a me, whose only job was to cook, and keep the house clean. 
Well maybe I would have the time to go to the gym, to squeeze into those jeans,

But hey I guess that isn’t the case, because for the 4th time this week I am too tired to masturbate.
I got way too much on my plate, I guess that is because I haven’t caught you up to date. 
I skipped lunch again today, not because I wasn’t hungry, there was just no time.
Time? That construct, that thing that seems to last a lifetime. 

I have never heard it constructed that way, it almost seems fictitious.
I can't trust you if you bake anything but golden delicious. 
Split myself in 6, well if we have someone to front the 5 of us, that may just be the trick. 
I am almost out of ideas, because I am seeing the end of this wick. 

I am sure there will be days where we all go out of our minds, things are all about. 
The things one does for a breakout roll, when it is not their show, socialist clout trouts. 
Swimming up stream with nothing to tether them to their reality of make-believe. 
Where they live stream how much they have “achieved”


All without leaving their rooms. 
Well I guess you can do a lot when you don’t have to inhale exhaust fumes. 
Because your generation will never know what it’s like to commute. 
Contributing to the decaying conversation, pending on lawsuits. 

That is far too much for you to endure. 
Oh I apologize, I should have known your life story, how many weeks premature?
I am chill no big deal, just that I constantly hear screaming in my ear, 
I think it's there anyway, easy to clean up in my head, my peers are all present accounted for and here. 

Nitpicking what I do consistently. 
Micromanaging yourself is the key. 
When you do not know what to do in a state of distress. 
Just hunker down, and trust the “process” 


-Ash ​

​Written by: Ash Catcher 

Something I have acquired the past 2 years has been pretty green. I am not talking about $ but the flow has been pretty abundant, and I am thankful I am talking about house plants. They not only make the air in my house smell fantastic they're also um kinda profitable. So aside from my day job and night gigs when I am not selling things on the marketplace you may want to hit me up for your next plant baby. 

This sudden addition to my horde of things has over ruled my obsession with records, I am not sure I've bought a record in months- I don't have as many plants as I do books but it is still a very on growing process! 

Being a plant mom and of course proud cat mom [ I got a pin to prove it] requires am interesting watering schedule currently and I clocked it it takes me close to an hr to water all the plants in my house. With every other day or honestly when I remember whose kidding  I spritz. Got to make sure that soil is moist. 

They don't talk back, worst case scenario your cactus topples over and your well... you're fucked dont touch it I am pretty sure my last cactus Santiago died on my dorm room floor at the end of my senior year, I've never cried so hard in my life. It could also be the combination of starting my real adult life and the 4 year relationship between Santiago and I. It wasn't supposed to end like this! 

I love gardening but usually struggle with the commitment part one day I'll get it right. Who doesnt want to grow their own veggies there is something super satifiying about growing soemthing yourself. A collaboration between you and the Earth. 

I am happy I am a plant parent, wasn't planned just kinda happened. 
​

- As

Post Positive Poem
Written By: Ash Catcher ​

Happy 2022! Here is the first Ash Wednesday of the New Year! I actually had some writers block on this one so I had to kinda go into some archival work! 

​
We cherry pick our opinions to further our own narratives.
What is going on in the world now, compared to a few years ago- they’re not comparable. 
Gas prices are skyrocketing, and all the tech mongrel billionaires are all trying to leave. 
 3% of the working force resigning all because refusing to Roll up your sleeve. 

But here down on earth, where the weather all arises. 
The only places open these days, the meals all come with fries. 
I am not that old, but I recall some things a bit differently. 
People were way more cognitive, present, and much more friendly. 

If I keep thinking about how things used to be, I am back longing for the 1990s. 
Technocolor outfits, all unisex because our parents were broke. 
Nowadays, technology has changed, but disposable cameras are still astronomical. 
When I do have time to watch the news, I can only manage it in small doses, because it is rather comical. 


The rent was more affordable, college was cheaper, and you only needed one income to survive. 
We have a whole generation of men that eats nothing but debt, still living with their parents, and soon to be their wives. 
If that says something, I don't know I could never really get down with multigenerational homes. 
Sure you can blame the economy, but I know it as Arrested Development syndrome. 

If the past few years couldn’t get much weirder, I swore time has become a form of capitol. 
The movements of the people at this point are nothing close to mechanical. 
We have people trapped in houses, with nothing but their abusers, and addictions. 
Yesterday's newspapers still wrapped, and unread- shit seems like science fiction.  

And god forbid you have a human emotion. 
What are you supposed to do? Take a walk in the freezing cold and listen to that song about the astronaut and the ocean. 
Bombarded with advertisements, and things that I don't need. 
Had a rough day at all your work(s), why not try a $12 salad of seaweed. 


Having a moment of intrusive thought provoking. 
There are mornings when I wake up and I can literally feel everything around me dying, and choking. 
Falling in love with the traces of you, is there something that I have missed? 
Must have had the wrong name in my phone, that is ok I changed it to Mr. Egotist. 

Social Media docent even hit my dopamine receptors like they used to, it all feels like a chore.
One that I keep putting off, because I am sick of lying to my core. 
My energy, well it's winter so it's not that miraculous, some days, or most I just feel catatonic. 
Just need a change, maybe I need to start with my closet- could use some more colors, I think that is called polychromatic. 

I am sure this is what happens 2 years in post positive 


-Ash 

2022 Predictions: Look UP!
Written By: Ash Catcher

Last night I needed a night in. So I took the longest, hottest shower my body could handle, I lit a candle, and cut up some apple, with extra chunky peanut butter (with hot honey), because to some I am a literal psycho, and began to search Netflix for something suitable to numb my brain out to.  I settled on “Dont Look Up” my cat, Banner is for some reason into Leonardo DiCaprio, like alot- but he refuses to watch Titanic, weird I know. I love the division and the all too subtle tribute to what this last year and a half… two years… are we going on three I sometimes forget, all I know Is I rather enjoyed the movie, the cast was pretty stacked, it gave me some 2012 vibes another fine apocoliptic year, let’s not of corse forget 1999 as well the OG end of the world. Anyway doom and gloom aside I had a great time with my cat, and snacks- but what I did really want to do to ring in 2022 was to take some time and do a bit of soul searching. I wanted to do a tarot card reading…. On myself which if you know, you know is kinda a big no no, but hey its for introspection and self reflection all good things. ​

2022: A year of great abundance, new career change, and another move???? Sheesh okay let's unpack this: 

Abundance: It can take on many forms, not just so much in wealth, you can have an abundance of great many things for an example: I could have an abundance of pears, I would have 1) a shit ton of pears, and 2) a stomach ache- so maybe moderation should go hand and hand with abundance. Don't over do it, and make sure to always ground ourselves when making financial choices. I may or may not start getting into crypto. I still haven’t decided how much time I will have to dedicate to this seemingly foreign concept to me. I am not the most tech savvy person, and if one wants to give me some helpful tips please reach out. I am also hoping for a more abundance of opportunities to socialize more like normal, missing my soul tribe, and the friends I have made when traveling.

New Career Change:  I do not care if you love your job, there will be a time where you wake up where you have that thought in the back of your head…. “There has to be more than this.” This mindset is going to fuel you. I love what I do now, but in a month, in two, in three months will it still bring me fulfillment? I am not so sure about that. I am happiest when I am working for myself, I just do not like cookie cutter things, I am not that kind of person and half the time I walk out on managers, not necessarily the job itself. Mind you I think I have shocked my employers that I usually on average take 2 to 3 interviews a week, regardless if I feel happy at my current job. Always have an exit strategy, I learned that the hard way- so a new career change is most welcomed. I will be starting a whole new cycle in my life, it only makes logical sense that I up my career game. 

Movement: Now movement could mean a bunch of things, it can mean a literal move in location or it could be movement and progression in your finances, love, career etc. Take notice of people around you, because who you choose to surround yourself with says alot about yourself and where you are going, or where you have gone. Just look around you. Movement- and I hate to say this too also can correlate with literal physical activity…. Is 2022 the year I go back to the gym and start running again, eh maybe we will see. I know I would love to ease my way back into the gym world again, would working for myself and choosing my time to work allow me to finally have a healthy mind balance and soul priority that I haven’t had with previous career opportunities? Am I hoping to go to the West Coast? There are alot of opportunities and cabins in the woods calling my name. 

I guess I am just gonna have to wait and see. 

See you next year! 

-ASH