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S. N. A. P. Written By: Ash Catcher  I went thrifting, and to a few cafes.
By myself, lately I had a bunch of treat-you self days. I Stepped up to the counter to place my order. Got overwhelmed with the menu, that is just my anxiety disorder. Managed to stutter to the pretty cashier: “I’ll have an Americano please.” It was good but not like my old spot in Revere. The small one looked really big, but that is America for you. Kinda wish I didn’t give my cousin my holographic ancient MEW. Ash, dial back to thrifting, I found myself making a bee line to a pile of pictures. All of the other times, and peoples families, willing to bet my childhood allowance they all knew their scriptures. All the backs date back to the 60s techno color, pastel substitutional urbs. All the men, mad looking as hell- like they could all be my grandpa- or on the cover of Forbes. One I found I called her Gertie, she looked like some psychedelic plant lady- and I saw myself in her indeed. If we make it past 2050, you best bet I want to be just like that saint, total galactic babe, and star-seed. Pictures of people used to scare me as a kid. I didn’t understand at first of all the places that have been. Time traveling is possible and it can all be contained in a thrifted box. Of photos of dead people- they probably knew where to get the best bagels and lox. I have to say some days I am jealous, but I would never wear those skirts. I would be rocking killer pant suits- I would be that radical bitch in the 60’s in shorts. All it takes is a snap, something from nothing that beautiful overused line. A blip in the Matrix, a single moment in your timeline. Then you start to fuck with the settings, and thats when reality is done. The perspective and exposure is all off- way too much sun! S.ingle lens, so I can still sprawl out in the middle of my bed. Cat cornered me, judging me silently like I am up for a performance review. N.oise, there is way too much collective humming for me to even hear you. A.perture, it can be a little hard to crack that cancer crabby shell. Not a lot of light or people come in. P. Oint and Shoot, hyper focusing, and going M. I. A in the middle of the day. Love and hate when people touch my skin. I am not the best at being present. Half the time I am not here- borderline fluorescent. Eyes like lenses, taking way too much in. Socializing is great, but I like being alone a little more now and recharging. -Ash
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Reel Idolization Written By: Ash Catcher  Panic stricken, jerked out of my dream-like state. Fluid filled the bottom of my left leg- this is why I don't skate. I feel it every second now, the breakdown of my physical body. I would tell you all about it, but my voice has been a tad bit froggy. Going back and fourths, seeing some new demons and dimensions. Not sure what I am striving for these days but I have abandoned all apprehensions. This meat sack wants a promotion, I feel like I am like three times my age. I've lived through shit most people cannot comprehend, the queen of disengage. Been waking up at all hours, the most prevalent ones are all before noon. Questioning what is real these days, is that really a real cup and spoon? The realizations, and downloads- that we are all interconnected. Interwoven coven, it is insane how much one is dissected. Life is just a series of reel idolizations. It repetitively repeats itself- the same season after season. The same characters just have a different plot. I don't blame people for wanting to leave this place and become a commercial cosmonaut. It seems so fabricated and scripted. The laugh track in my head is depicted. As my second grade class, Ms. Harris toppling over us. That's something I need to pack still, but I am not willing to discuss. So much to do always, but what does it all matter in the end. I've lost myself so much along the way, I am my only friend. I am tired of doing everything- I am sick of working and cleaning my house. Fighting over dumb fucking shit “ I am sorry for being insensitive if I say this but can you man up and dispose of that mouse.” This time around the 30th try of playing the game entitled 365. I Felt reckless the other day, chugged a kombucha and started gardening barehanded. I am trying to numb out responsibly, cause I have a shit ton of things to keep alive. But those vices are a bitch to quit, and my morals reroute like Route 66, but I won’t allow myself to decline. [again] Just edging, teasing, toying with the thought of leaving it all up to probability. Math was never my strongest subject, all my life labeled a walking liability. Moving on hasn’t been easy but I am pretty good at adapting. My motives are always genuine, that is why I know that you are acting. Ketchup seems arbitrary, this hot dog was never real- Socializing what's the point? Notoriously the fifth wheel. It is cheaper to get an 8th of shrooms than fill up my gas tank. I'll travel in my head again, I am not trying to break the bank.  -Ash
Jewitch Written By: Ash Catcher  Spiritually sour, semi split in two. Don't count yourself as one of us- especially if you’re into IPA brews. It's something in the air, but goes just beyond the explanation. Been about the 6th time this week someone has said my wrong name. It’s not that hard to say, just three stupid fucking words. Why am I suddenly suffering from massive FOMO and always in the burbs. Searching for something I am not exactly sure just what. Nothing new to report, aside from some occults worshiping chestnuts. Never had a bat mitzvah. Just hopelessly obsessed with bats. Was always stoked to sit shiva. But constantly crying when my cat kills a mouse. Putting the competition in total opposition. Both a little grim and spooky, all about superstition. Not much difference between how I grew up and where I am headed. But I feel aware and tapped, trapped in this 3rd Dimension. (If you have a moment I would be happy to share my methods.) So this “stuff” goes way beyond you, and I. I am actually at times not sure if we are all still alive. But, I like the benefit of the doubt, and for everyone's sake of argument, and all the Tik Tok clout. Say just for kicks it was all fake, just a falsified memory- all makes you doubt. Everything that you were ever told, was really just a mass story that has been sold. A single narrative, every time the same. Makes things much easier to be controlled. Could there be an answer to it all way beyond the number plain, 42 doesn’t seem like a real response. There are days, I am sure of everything- other days I need to channel my inner Goth. Nature has been helping. I think it's hard to simulate all that green. To low vibrational people this shit seems obscene: “ I would never believe in something I have never seen.” Have you been to the Moon? No but you see it right…. It looks fake- and why cant I ever take a good picture of it huh? Oh I forgot I am the crazy one, of course burn me at the stakes, just do it in private. I am just not a big fan of pda. We are all angry, pretty obvious I collectively feel it in the air. Something needs to change and while we are all going back in time let's reenact the Witch of Blair. Shaky hands, muddled timelines, somethings off- are we in the deleted scenes- of something evil or divine? Massively available, but pure personal and all mine. Not sure how to really describe being spiritual to average people. But low key lately have been waiting for this to all be once again illegal. Let's go back in time! Maybe we really did a timeline flip- nothing phases me anymore. I am the happiest I’ve ever been traveling for free, and chilling on the astral plane -Ash  GotCHA Written By: Ash Catcher  Friday is July 1st, it is my cat’s adoption/birthday.
We won’t be having a party, as he will be asleep again by mid day. He is old, and lazy, and cake is hardly okay. To give to a cat, let alone a former stray. And what do you get the cat that has just about everything? Out of everyone in my house he gets the most packages, from my understanding. A rushed automatic feeder, controlled by WIFI, why the fuck not. But if you know me by now the cat is gonna get a killer card. I can't believe I officially adopted you 2 years ago. We have a lot to do this year, I am thinking Halloween, you should go as a mango. You’ll be 12.. or 13 I am still not quite sure, ew were old, but I love our naps together. But you still paint my kitchen with mouse brains, try cleaning that up sober. That wasn’t our best day, and you go to the vet a lot. But as a first time pet owner, and your mama you know I’ll do my part. I love everything about you even when you meow in my face when I am working. Forever my shadow, especially when I am trying to film a video, and cooking. Constant content forever, my socials and heart are all yours. The only man who ever really cares about me, Food driven? Me too- I am taking all the human food if we get divorced. I am kidding, I am happy I took you, because I knew something told me not to leave you. I am not sure if it was our matching eyes that won me over, or if it was my need to be the hero and rescue. I am happy to have you and I gotcha for good. I couldn’t have you out there in the cold nights, in the neighborhood. 1 night on the warming pad, and afternoon in the cat hut. Fuck it come inside, and in you came in without coaxing, just your signature strut. I know as a cancer we tend to move fast but damn. You come over every night now, you moved in, and now you’re fam. I can't imagine having any other pet. But If I had to get you a brother or sister- I would be playing cat roulette. I joke about getting you a friend, but you seem to like being an old child. Independent, self sufficient, got me wrapped around you and beguiled. Sneaky and foxy, but semi retired, no more lizards to chase, or trash to devour. Happy Birthday- gotcha day! I love you so much Banner! -Ash Don't Stare At The Strawberry Moon Written By: Ash Catcher  The other week, was June's full moon- The Strawberry Moon, or A Blood Moon as I like to refer to it- and let me tell you I found a spot to stare at the moon for a few hours the result was I ended having an awful week. >.< Like awful, I am a pretty positive person, but for some fuckin reason absolutly nothing was going well the last half of the past week.
When my life's in disarray, the first thing I always notice is that little check engine light comes on in the car. This is why I think they call it KARMA... car, ok yea I'll keep going.... My check engine light popped on and my car is pretty old, a 2011 Mini Cooper isn't always going to runs smooth, for the most part I know my car, I know what it can handle and when i got home on Monday night I had a weird thought pop into my head- " Ash what if your battery on your car just dies... D.O.A." Whelp by Thursday when I had of course a 1000, and one thing to do. Kylo decided to kick it. Battery dead won't even start. I am really thankful I had a friend come and give me a jump- managed to get a battery installed in under an hour- by then everything was super backed up i had already apologized to all my clients i was supposed to see that day, ( If you're not caught up I have temporarily chosen to become self employed pet sitting and dog walking as one of my main sources of income- I love it no coworkers, and it's all my money) I even managed to snag some greek food real quick for lunchies as a thank you to my friend who helped me out! Dave, you are a real MVP! Thank you also for my Mercury Retrograde Book- I have been having some weird bad luck recently. I only blame it on one thing- ask me about it. I thought ok what is one bad day, whatever it happens.... and then it happened a day later again on Saturday. I was again about to do a slew of things- see some clients, and I was going to be in the area where I could see my friend play a show... and then my phone decided to just take a huge shit, and not turn it back on. Right when I was about to leave. I lost all my contacts, and about 8 months worth of writing- I managed to recover all my social media and yeah that isn't really a big deal in retrospect but when it is a colossal part of your daily income... that shit is still stinging. So if anyone wants to get together and have a writing sesh with me and your about an hr from Philly please hit me up I lost a shit ton of content, ideas, stories, memories, and ideally in a wonderful world i would like to sit down and try to get some of that back- anyone fuck with hypnosis lol or guided mediitation- I lost so much, and i really dont even know where to begin honestly. I did not stare at the moon for too long, also when you do for more then 10 mins at a time you begin to either halicuante or disassociate, both are not fun when you are alone in the dark, in a park. I'll see you next Wedneday! With hopefully much better luck and news- hey at least my car and phone are practically brand spanking new! Just sheeeesh $$$$$ week! - Ash Sunffine written by: Ash Catcher  Sunday sunny afternoon.
Cup of iced/ hot coffee. Caffeinated beyond recommended doses. Doesn't matter what the bean is as long as it's roasted. Cause nothing gets my seratoin going these days. Things are happening around me, and it's getting kinda strange. Timelines collapsing, things I shouldn't know. Intertwining with Characters from chapters almost forever ago. And with everything getting darker, and not much more coming to light. I Still feel like I am stuck inside, like 2 years ago- hidden out of sight. The Cost of living is rising, but two things I know are still for certain. I'll still spend my hard earned cash on caffeine, and gasoline. I feel like a ghost if I am not moving, and exploring. Been a minute since we kicked it. Hello canned latte let's go for a $50.00 joyride. Lately I’ve been having some better days, which makes me glad I stopped pleasing others- and quit. Being so entertaining to one-sided ness, flakey pastry, touch and goes all the skepticism and side eye. Java jackets, cause when I go through withdrawal I get super cold. Doesn’t matter what I drink- could you please define what makes your coffee bold. Flavor notes, cool- I don't really care right now. Just inject that hot caffeinated, coffee, concoction through my veins- however much is legally allowed. I’ll take a slow drip, give me that slow release. Build up a tolerance, beg for relief. The headaches are fucking murder. If I am coming off semi snarky, and sarcastic it’s not you I am a New Yorker. Sick of relying on sunny days- its been rather really hot, and rainy lately. I Will most likely quit caffeine if, and when I ever make it to eighty. I got some time, so I better get used to sitting with this addiction. My vices are fewer now but they all thankfully still bring some relief, and infliction. Not necessarily numbing out with my morning cup of coffee. But add a cigarette, then we are cooking with something saucy. Sun, smoke, fire, and warmth, and too much burned. All opposite of my usual cold watery self, re-coded, rebranded., reformed. Oral preoccupation, way too much self love. I am sick of my hands, they are beyond numb. And plastic doesn't do the trick. Craving something a bit more thick and slick. -Ash Dinner for ONE. By: Ash Catcher ** A semi passive aggressive take on food.  *Cashew butter tastes like Hatboro. And that is where I started to dabble with veganism. And Stouts, trivia, and way too many drunken nights, turned into WTF was I thinking mornings. ( Always a Monday) Which turned into your name on my lips. And then after a movie or two, and some awkward conversation0 absolutely NO EYE CONTACT- it's your face in-between my hips. I thought that life was alright. But then I met you. Slammin Salmon Sundays, Way too much guac / overeating, all the drinking, I was in a 2 year (food) coma from hell. Wawa Sandwiches, Voo- Doo Chips, and WAY too much weed, they all taste like Langhrone, and way too much time spent in Village Shires. I am not a hobbit. But why do I always fall for people of Irish descent. There is no deficit that is for sure. and you thought keeping me in a constant state of chaos would be good for my stomach, shame on you. You don't have a gluten intolerance. You are just intolerable. Then I moved to fucking Siberia, and all I did was eat Russian food, and masterbate to the thoughts of you. Soviet candies, Russian Jellies, I have never drank so much tea in my life. 12 cups at my own curated meat feast. Why is my neighbor insane? Why is this random French guy, and his wife in my apartment? I just didn’t have the stomach for teaching anymore. But I loved all the treats- just not the gossip in the hallways. I wish others could be so brave, and quit their career to pursue their life long passions. ( and have the support to do so) But you couldn't see past your own selfishness, I couldn’t make you see past your own plate- so you took my fucking table.  Our departure was like 2lbs of Strawberries that I got at the produce junction in Germantown the next day.
I ate them in my car. I didn’t wash them. I liked to take a little risk. And I kinda was okay at dying from unwashed strawberries at the time. Now I am just so sick of washing my hands every 30 seconds. Avoiding people and emotionally eating instead. I can never order dessert in complete confidence ever again. Thank you for all the dinners. I see pictures of them pop up in my memories and I am more confident in my cooking and my life choices now. "So what are we cooking for dinner tomorrow?" - Ash I Deserve A Better Goodbye Written By: Ash Catcher  I used to think I didn't belong anywhere
But now I think I am just addicted to fresh starts. When the scenery gets too monotonous for me, I just get that itching to part with half my belongings and head off in search of something new. I learned to leave now in search of something, never someone. I'll never move and uproot my life again for another person. That version of me is no longer recognized. Over time we get hardwired differently. I deserve a better goodbye. I deserve a better goodbye. I only can process proximity through this every so often. It is fucking daunting to move. I never received that postcard in the mail. I never got that apology. I never say goodbye, just good luck. As if I actually believed my presence mattered. And I just don't get recast in the same roll telling myself every night ... "Maybe this time it's going to be a bit different…" But I refuse to water myself down just so you can try and attempt to digest me better. You can choke. I am a river my dude, I go in one direction, with the flow. Never backwards, steady on, not weighed down by your own undoing. I deserve a better goodbye. I deserve a better goodbye. If you just tried to wade in my waters I would be forever grateful; But I would also be so taken back and close right back the fuck up. Locked up tight, cool, calm and encumbered. Look man if I could, I would. I deserved more than what I get/got. So I keep my expectations scary low. I am starving. And I am so malnourished, and cannot survive on crumbs anymore. I deserve a better goodbye. - ash  Licorice
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