Written By: Ash Catcher
Happy Wednesday! If you are anything like me you have been to an interview or two that seems really good on paper, but when it comes time to actually do the damn thing, the whole thing just seems like Really too good to be true.... "I cannot believe this shit, I have to do 2 people's jobs for how much...?" You're supposed to act impressed, they hire you on the spot, and when the offer letter graces your spam folder, you put your damn foot down, and not in your mouth and say: "Thanks, but no thanks." Here are some code reds that i run into in almost every interview:
1. Listen for the key terms:
" We are like a family here." - Translation: We have absolutely NO boundaries, I will send you an email at 10 pm after I have had a few beers after work, I expect you to answer promptly.
"We wear a lot of hats here." - Translation: You will BE expected to work multiple peoples jobs daily, and we shall compensate you by paying you the bare minimum, those benefits we advertised in the job description, you'll be eligible for those after 90 days of employment- that does not include weekends, that is 90 working days- we will promptly let you go due to " budget issues." 89 days into your position. It would be nice if you could train your replacement so we do not have to.
"We are all about that hustle, and grind. We strongly encourage promoting our office culture." -Translation: We do not give a shit about work life balance, and our office culture includes strictly beginning to drink irresponsibly at 3pm. Fuck your "Hour Lunch Break." Take lunch at your desk between meetings.
"We like things a certain way here." -Translation: We will micromanage the ever loving fuck out of you, you will conform and obide by our standards, or you can find a job somewhere else. Assimilate or starve.
"We are looking for a self motivated individual." - Translation: We have absolutely no onboarding process, good luck figuring shit out for yourself. You dumb fuck, we got you.
2. Vague Job Descriptions: Let me start off by saying the job description is only to get yourself hooked into this mediocre job description. The responsibilities of this job are not clearly defined: Is this a social media position? Is this a sales position, do you expect me to manage your social media, and create content- that is two different positions. This is only a taste of the company's dysfunction. WHY am I advocating for myself before I am even hired?!
3. Unprofessional behaviour: Negative or inappropriate behavior, directed towards current, or former employees is completely uncalled for. I would personally reevaluate before you agree to work for someone who will just end up speaking ill of you when you leave. I always like to ask people doing the interview why the previous employee quit this position- also be sure to ask what their general expectations are for this role and if they will be willing to work with you to achieve these goals.
4. Poor Communication: Ignoring a company's poor communication during an interview can bite you in the ass later. There is nothing more frustrating than having to fail to meet crucial deadlines due to someone's negligence to communicate it's important. Learn to talk dumb dumb. Also if they are a NO SHOW for your in person interview, FUCKIN RUN! The Hiring process should be painless.
5. High Turnover Rate: You apply to enough jobs and you see the ones that keep popping up- those are the problem children, ditch those. It's a toxic work environment, piss poor working conditions, or maybe I don't know they don't change the filter in the staff refrigerator. You are worth more than that.
Those are my top 5, hope you keep that in mind when you have a freakin panic attack in your car on your 15 minute break, or have a public freakout stay snazzy. See ya next Wednesday.
Written By: Ash Catcher
Happy Wednesday! Last week I actually decided to be social, gross I know but I got to meet/ interview a new band in the Philly Music Scene and wow they were pretty good! Including a bomb ass clairnet solo, what is not to like about that. The other acts included spoken word, burlesque, rap, and even some classically trained opera. Sheesh, a fully stocked show in my opinion. I managed to snag a homemade tie dye band shirt to- I honestly cannot tell you the last time I bought any apparel at a show. I love when artists are also focused on the music, but also the experience of the show as a whole collective. So enough rambles Here is our 10 Question Questionnaire with Travesty, be sure to check out their new music!
1. Tragesty, that's a pretty sick name for a band, any meaning behind it?
2. What was the first instrument you ever played?
3. Where are you guys based? What's the vibe of the practice space?
4. Any time for hobbies when you're not playing music?
5. How do you prioritize the band?
6. Funniest thing you learned about your band mates?
7. If you could tour with any 3 bands who would they be?
8. What makes a successful musician?
9. Who are some of your influences? Bands, genres?
10. Favorite way to listen to music?
Written By: Ash Catcher
Lately, I have been waking from that not so great sleep
I may have been faking it a little bit, I am overcompensating with a little too much weed.
The water cup graveyard by my bed lays stagnant, and way too still.
Taking way too many painkillers, for my liking, I am beyond thrilled.
Everything always hurts, and I am about to crash again, I can feel myself spiraling down.
Thinking about how good grippy socks, padded locked rooms, and hospital gowns.
They could be all the rage for fall, I catch myself thinking all too many times this year.
You know it's my favorite time of year, but October is also when that damn seasonal depression appears.
That is when things start to get a little funny...
You see I got to soak my ass in hella water, hot as anything, almost scalding.
Flowing in and out of consciousness, I just love making little waves.
Dissociating, and easily distracted, I have been like this for decades.
Going from zero to 100.
All good, for a few moments late at night, then declining during the day. I need some wonder drugs.
Some days I let my meds steal the show, run on autopilot. I am less clumsy, and a disaster.
Mask all the symptoms, I should have been an actor.
Earth grounds me and it can be pretty hard hitting.
I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen for all these special nature spots. I am not admitting.
These well visited places seem to be repeated all with different people, and other storylines.
I would not have the caves I have these days if it was not for the steady inclines.
Air gets trapped in my lungs, but I am used to choking on nothing.
But the lump in my throat when I am next to you is not even worth discussing.
Absent minded, gone within an instant, always hidden in the corner of my eye.
Crafted, haunted, easily, forever waking up with a mouth that is dry.
Lastly, fire- I have been using you to purify my space.
I am not sure how many incenses I have lit this week, I cannot wait to get out of this place.
This fucking house feels like a tomb, of all the things and people I thought I knew.
Lastly fire destroys all evidence, which leaves no evidence, nothing to show, nothing is misconstrue.
Just ash is left.
Yo What Is Gouda?
Written By: Ash Catcher
What is Gouda? I have had a busy few weeks- but Fall Haul life update things have been rather um interesting. With the colder weather approaching, not only am I grossly unprepared with the lack of actual/ practical warm coats, it seems to me that “Soup Season” has fallen upon us. Hence I am going food shopping close to two to three times a week. Is that too much, yea it maybe but pumpkin spice season can suck a big fat squash! I am SOUPER passionate about soup, in addition to anything maple- I am trying to limit my clove intake literally it's like my fall vice.
I noticed something kinda funny the other day. The cheese section at my grocery store has apparently become the place for people to shamelessly flirt with each other- and it is pretty GREAT because it's happened to me 3 times in 2 weeks! I am not even that mad about it, I just wish I knew about this unspoken happenstance sooner. I am not sure if it is all the R & Brie they are pumping int here that is getting everyone all jazzed but there is certainly something, I may or may nacho be divulging too much information, butI am severely lactose intolerant, but also when I stress eat I reach for cheese about 99.9% of the time. I could be a cheese monger at this point- and I fuck with all the charcuterie.
I was first approached by a tennis pro, then a single father, and finally two employees all somehow centering around this miraculous dairy crisper. I am flattered really but I just need to grab my triple cream brie, or my habanero cheddar cheese for my Sammies. I am not trying to get wifed up, but if you wanna talk cheese I usually go to the food shop on Tuesday A.M or Sunday Night. Fun Fact the tennis pro was super smooth, and handed me his business card. Carl did a great job, I however have not played tennis since I was 10. I was so thrown off guard but I think the cheese aisle is where most women who play tennis congregate the most off the clay courts.
I don't normally like being hit on in public, however the bright colors and lack of fluorescent lighting makes any grocery store look and sound like a Vegas casino to me- but with Brie and fancy crackers respectively. It seems like being around like minded people who also like to cook makes for quite the setting for Netflix's next romantic comedy. I purchased some maple streusel bread the other day, the gentleman ringing up my items casually mentioned that this was a really good product. I always get jazzed when people are knowledgeable/ passionate about a particular item or product. I plan on making Creme Brûlée Maple Strudel Custard toast. I proudly told them I had recently purchased a blowtorch for smoking glasses primarily but I wanted to take a stab at making creme brûlée. I know a foodie when I see one! I need to keep my eyes, ears, and taste buds open, never know who is gonna roll up in your local dairy section. You Feta believe I have learned something new today.
I am grateful for everyone still reading these things!
Thank you for Brie leaving in me.
Written By: Ash Catcher
Eventually you’ll end up where you need to be.
With whom you're meant to be with.
And doing what you should be doing.
It could take awhile, you used to say to me. …" Ash it could take awhile.”
You won’t be back to 100% overnight.
There are going to be good nights and bad.
The ones where you're alone all night, those get easier trust me.
The ones you get to share with others, no matter what you two do will be etched into your brain forever.
And all that extra stuff, all that static, all the little problems we make big.
You’re going to look back on that in a year or so
And a wave of relief will overcome you.
Your face won’t be so flushed, your heartbeat will lower.
Maybe you will be able to sleep without creating chaos beforehand.
But then again, maybe you won’t.
Maybe if I leave again after being gone for so long maybe you’ll look in the mirror one day and see.
I was never meant to be a part of your life, that is why I felt the need to keep removing myself
I was simply a tool, or a stepping stone to get you where you need to be.
I have been a lot of things in people's lives, but mostly it has been for practice.
I like when we part ways, they get their lives in order,
And then apologize to me years later “ I am so sorry for the way I treated you in the past…. But I am not that person anymore…..”
Bull Fuckin shit.
I used to ask what they wanted but now I just screenshot the messages and go about my day.
Call it pettiness, I call it growth.
There is absolutely no reason to come back, if you felt the need to leave.
The door doesn’t open both ways.
This wood is so worn out.
And my hinges are rusted.
I am not willing to soften myself or them up
There is no amount of oil or lube that could soften the blow of you attempting to make your way back into your life.
I write an awful lot, and the great thing about writing is that you can absolutely write off people.
You will always have some story to tell, of whatever relevance you wish to compare.
I like to tell stories, because I personally think it's an art form that is dying.
Some people take them seriously and treat them like a warning.
Forever everyone’s stepping stone.
Written By: Ash Catcher
Now in real time.
Starting things but never finishing them
Has become my lifeline philosophy.
(There was more to this thought- but for the life of me I forgot)
But I can do just about 80 things in under a nanosecond.
Having been there, and done that, my mental health is as stable as the Czech Republic.
Sending an SOS in my head for the 1000th time this morning.
At this point I should come with the biggest FDA warning.
Tipping on the broadest part of the line.
I wonder what it is about me that says I am just some pretty thing to pass the time.
Just some refurbished mirror for you to soundboard off for fun.
What you don’t know is that when I am silent, my skin feels like it's on fire, I love when we both cut and run.
I stick to my side, and you stick to yours.
And then the frenzy starts back up again, I am the queen of the crabby-side shuffling detours.
Fuck this story mode, I want to go rouge.
I want all the extra credit, the side missions, and much more.
Impulsiveness should have been my middle name.
But instead it's something pretty nerdy, and lame.
And Mental Illness, now THOSE are like middle names!
We all have one, it is just nobody knows what the fuck it is.
The constant need to be unable to wait my turn.
I am honestly the least of your concerns.
Craving not attention, but mindless stimulation.
Not to mention the need to know all and every piece of information.
I love repetition, and patterns, it's something to me that matters.
If I had the patience and the ability to sit, I would be nothing without Adders.
Spent my entire childhood alone, and quiet.
All my life I have never been known to be compliant.
I was never a cigarette that you could turn, burn and throw away.
Never one to see people in their neutral grey.
It is either all good, or all bad.
Rough day? I am going to go hit the gym, and take it out on my sketch pad.
Feelings, feelings have fucked me up far more than any amount of alcohol ever has.
When the self doubt creeps in, not much of a sound- erratic and super similar to Jazz.
I have gotten really good at hiding.
The part of me that always speaks out, and tells everyone what is on her mind.
Nobody cares what I have to say.
I get it all the time.
Put me to work, I am super hyper focused and task oriented.
But give me a day off and I’ll be fucking tormented.
Free time isn’t free to me, it is ingredient number 1 in the recipe.
Of a upside downward spiral cake- I sure can make some velvety chemical induced mistakes.
Most nights I am frozen like a statue, Because I am so sick of being taken for granted.
Sometimes I think most days I am better off alone, and abandoned.
What to BREW in Manayunk: My Personal Top 3 Coffee Spots From An Ex Barista.
By: Ash Catcher
Ash here again coming at you with another hot one, today, literally it's burning my hands writing this thing- I will be highlighting some of my current hometown coffee joints. So picture this it’s a Sunday morning, and if you are anything
Like me, you can just feel that pounding headache starting, so let's collectively drink a big glass of ice
water, and get into my top 5 coffee spots in Manayunk:
1. Artesano Cafe: This is the closest in proximity to my house which also makes it my default and
honorary plant place! Artesano boasts one of the most aesthetically pleasing cafes on Main
Street in my honest opinion, including a real live bio wall, which I make sure to sit by every
time. The sculptures are rather cool as well and make for a great place to catch up with friends.
Everything is made on premise, that is the coffee, sculptures, and food. Go to their brunch truck!
- Looks Like: A jungle erupted inside of a Philadelphia café, large windows let in tons of natural
lighting and they have a variety of items that I can bring over to my friends with a plethora of dietary
restrictions. Win win!
-What I Order: An Iced Rose Americano ( I ask for seltzer instead of still water, that is a pro tip!)
2. The Landing Kitchen: Ok! So this spot a friend introduced to me, and I got to say it is one of the
most low-key spots in Manayunk. The Landing Kitchen is much more family oriented and houses
itself in an ironworks like structure across from the Manayunk walking bridge. Plenty of outdoor
seating, and lawn activities to keep you occupied as well as little nooks with tons of wicker
swings and chairs, which has become a huge obsession of mine. It’s also approved by my mom
who does not approve of anything, including myself!
- Looks Like: A Southern California laid back vibe to it housed right on the canal. It was so
relaxing to hang out here with friends and not that far, a little under a mile from my house
which is about as far as I am willing to go in this heat. I cannot wait to see what they do for
their fall menu, as it changes seasonally.
- What I Order: I got a Vietnamese Cold Brew, the sweetened condensed milk made it so rich, I
I am going to have to keep some in my coffee cart at home! Will certainly be ordering this
3. Pilgrim Roasters: A low key café at the edge of town, I first walked by this place and thought it
was closed, but now it is super popular with cyclists! They roast all of their own coffee in a two
room café. This is the coziest spot in Manayunk, and if I recall correctly this was the first place I
grabbed a coffee when I lived over in my other house on Kingsley St. I know it was snowing.
- Looks Like: Pilgrim is what I like to call with the utmost respect a “cult coffee shop” The
People that come here, don’t just love coffee, they have the whole dang Pinterest inspired
home brew set up at home. They probably also have a degree in engineering, and/or
chemistry. I like coming here, and will usually pop in if my favorite baristas are working the
- What I Order: I’ll snag an Americano to go and a bag of beans usually the Ethiopian has my
*A bonus place to check out is Mama’s Boy Café sandwiched in The Fat Lady Brewing on Main
Street it is single handedly owned by one of the coolest baristas/ entrepreneurs I have ever met!
Well it has BEAN fun! – Ash
я не хочу.
Written By: Ash Catcher
я не хочу keep inhaling all of this stagnant air.
я не хочу normality, all year long, I rock Halloween dinnerware.
я не хочу keep doing this group project on my own.
я не хочу have to scour the earth for a pay-phone.
я не хочу keep relying on others to get ahead.
я не хочу keep on going, I have picked out the sheets for my deathbed.
я не хочу be constantly complaining but I have very little else to say.
я не хочу make it to Thursday, it's just foreplay for Friday.
я не хочу be a brain fog zombie.
я не хочу pretty enough to have been a model at Abercrombie.
я не хочу keep seeing the ghost of you out the side of my eye.
я не хочу make eye contact again, you make me so tongue tied.
я не хочу complicates things further.
я не хочу if you want to abort complacency then look no further.
я не хочу keep hoping around with my head detached.
я не хочу feel like I am losing it all, no longer unhinged, I am full on unlatched.
я не хочу работать бесплатно. мое искусство чего-то стоит. это важно для меня.
L U R K I N G
Written by: Ash Catcher
You make me feel both relieved and anxious
How do you do that? Balance all that precariousness?
Twice bent over I am not sure if it's a panic attack or my spleen.
But for being the sovereign of equilibrium you can sure scream.
Dissolved all boarders, fuck your latitude lines.
I would throw it all against the wall say fuck it let's climb the tower.
Planted firmly in the grown, celestial radiates through you, and lifts me up.
Hoping I don't fall over myself, empty out of all my give a fuck cups.
You may think you're at the bottom
But just keep in mind you're still someone's top.
And in the grand scheme of things what does it matter anyway?
Just stop giving a fuck.
It's all in my head, I feel like I am allergic to most people's thoughts.
King of all pain, clavicles exposed, I think nought.
Twisting and turning, this piece has been revised too many times.
Feeling every bit my age, been picked apart clean, now I give off Vine vibes.
I can't even identity as confused anymore.
I am too tired, nothing feels like they used too much time alone.
But I got this love hate relationship with you and my phone.
Give the kids cameras and they'll tell on themselves we have been owned by the unknown.
Lurking "outside" or maybe in the trees
I feel like I have been just unhooked from a machine.
In my back pocket always, probably allergic to bees and the nuts of three.
There the fuck you are, with your dumb dot of green.
When you live stream your tower moments
I am the first to watch you decay in real time.
It's kinda poetic interactive inactivity.
Beyond survival at this point it's all about objectivity.
Relevancy is that of the mind.
I'll give you a cheat code that will help you save time.
Nobody is coming for you, they all do not care.
You are here for entertainment purposes only you are the static in the air.
That raises peoples vibrations, no matter what you see.
Too much reality for one day time to disconnect and watch some DVDs.
The place of safety, I plan to milk all the money I pay for rent.
I feel that feeling you're feeling every day, the fall of disparity and decent.
August 29, 2022 9:36 a.m. NASA's new moon program is poised to smash all kinds of records for human spaceflight. Named for the Greek goddess Artemis, Apollo's twin sister, this initiative will put the first woman and first person of color on the moon…. It was postponed.
My alarm went off at 7am. I didn’t wake up at home this morning, the lighting was all wrong- way brighter then I am used to, but the scene was set. I overslept like always but I kept hearing “Artemis.” A google search later I am just happy to know that I still got it. Lately I was feeling a bit skeptical.
Artemis controls the moon, and if you know you know- the moon, and I have this love hate dynamic. Just like how I feel about Cypress Hill, or milk chocolate. I get the Appeal for some people but sometimes I just want something much more full-filling. More moon mama shit.
If you find yourself in the woods- and you should, you should be disconnected as much and often as possible. If you have been seeing bears, deers, or snakes: I passed one this morning when I went to grab my keys, and find my sunglasses, so I count that . Be sure to keep your eyes peeled, I am hoping this cooler weather wraps up this static. I want it to rain so bad- I need to hear that sound again.
Artemis and I have quite the track record, especially when it comes to gathering admires. This huntress, and goddess of wild animals, nature, and the moon will have you looking at the moon wanting to set yourself on fire. I would not personally name something so mechanical and inhuman after something so soft, stealthy and beautiful. She embodies euphoria, and unlike her brother Apollo, god of the sun, they are complete opposites- she chooses to represent her femininity by the moon, we are always cool, calm, and appear collected.
With the promise of cooler weather, and I know I am not alone when saying I cannot wait for autumn this year. I look forward to it every year. Usually on the first day of august I am in full fall mode. This year is a much different feeling. I am tired of sweating, running around- I just want to be still and present- I want to cool down and chill out and look at the moon. I need to get back to base, because this summer has been ridiculously difficult.
Artemis 1 was originally scheduled for late 2021, but the launch date has been pushed back to 29 August 2022. Engine problems caused a delay. The next launch window is September 2…. I am not so sure about that. What can I say, sometimes women can be a little difficult.
See you next Wednesday,