That empty spot in your bed is for snacks not liars 
I am going to be in here a bit longer 
Ohio is for cryers 
Did you find what you needed in her. 

I am sorry I couldn't be your punching bag
Your pin cushion you could project on 
Like all those times you would up chuck word vomit 
And spray me with spite. ​

You know I hate spitting 
But what's even worse is I hate admitting 
That you didn't even let me try my hardest 
You'll never need to know, I guess empathy will be your safety nest. 

Same here and I am not going to be able to make it right 
I am here inside your head rent free all night 
You can come and get it if you wanna 
But I have a nest built up,  walls higher, it's quite some height. 

Hey I am sure you mean well and some times past 
But what's up with you guys and the other ones 
You'll soon come to learn that grass is grass. 
If I had enough time I would let you water all of me ​

I left apart of me 
Back in purgatory
Down the road 
All good and bougie 

Moving in and towards a forward 
Wish I could take you for your word 
Instead you have me double doubting 
And laughing and recounting 

Some of those nights like when 
We would stay up till 4 am 
And I would believe all your lies 
How many times are you going to say goodbye ​

Drinking too much early G
Listening to hecka Sleepy T. 
Lately and I'm thinking about getting 
But not sure if it's worth vetting 

All my time and more better spent 
But you're the king of circumvent 
I am not sure if or what is going on anymore 
Not sure if talking about how you feel is hardcore 

But I left a piece of myself and you in purgatory 
Trying to reach a little bit betterment; satori. 
Wallpapered to me, sticky little fucker 
Always nice to have the same role, The Runner. ​

A.P. into your living room
The headaches and heart are coming 
I am not sure what to do 
But the bruises will brush my skin 

Sit like a constant constilation on my legs  
And the sun will kiss my face 
If I had to do it all over again 
I wouldn't choose the human race 

It's too much lately 
And I can't keep my mouth closed 
Of the audacity of some people 
And the things that they have chose ​

​This morning it happened again 
That nervous silly bile friend 
Creeps up in the back of my 
Throat and head 

And then it happens 
That 6th feeling again. 
I'll think about you on the way 
And then oh look there you are 

This happened so many times 
But not as much as it happens 
With this certain someone 
I want to think their blissfully unaware 

​While every time it happens 
It still fills me up a little bit with dread 
I should be use to this 
6th feeling 

It's getting more common now that 
Our timelines keep crossing 
You're showing up when I get coffee 
And every other shift at work 

I hear your voice in my head 
Those very distinct inaudibles 
And then look there you are. 
Driving past me in your car. 

I'll think about you and there you'll be 
On my phone screen and reality 
And I am not sure if you can call them coincidences anymore. 

But there maybe something to this 
Whole summoning color combo thing 
My favorite color is black but I am guessing yours is Green? 

Random encounters that don't feel so random. 
Could be just the universe working in tandem 
But it needs no translation. 
Happening forever these little one off communications. 

We have the old bus driver in Ambler 
And when I asked him his bus number 
He winked smiled and says 
What do you can look up those angel numbers? 

Or the random Nona in Mt. Airy 
Who gave me and my friend a life long pass 
To use her bathroom and grab cocktails on the porch after six. 

Everyone who I meet in a quiet art gallery 
Or when I go exotic plant shopping 
I talked to Robert for most of the afternoon as he showed me all his plants and past away wives too.  

​

A wall of degrees but choosing to be alone
 Told me he was a rockstar in the 40's that was too cool to ignore. And just like an instant these little blips flash and fade. 
This weirdly odd I've known you in a past life 
And you can maintain eye contact oh yay! 

The lastest I guess at an oddities convention but where else a man from Manhattan who asked me to take his picture and of course we got talking. 

He likes pink gin and teeth 
And had such a sweet disposition 
Shook my hand with Ernesty 
These don't feel like randomness conversations

More like decided timing 
A more decocted encounter 
These things have been happening since I can remember that weird night as a kid in October ​

I am not financially stable 
I am contemplating using the cable ( box) 
To end all this hypocrisy 
That way they can't all laugh ( at me) 
Or behind my back 
They'll throw verbal attacks 
One right after another 
Maybe one day talk to my birth mother (again) 
Maybe reach out to old exs and friends 
And see what it was that they recommend
I work on first for myself what can I do without 
They'll all sigh and say okay but you can't freak out. 
I'll take all the cables behind the TV and listen to all the static
It will cover up all the panicking and the neurotics
Because then I won't get to hear them all laugh at me
Behind my back or worse in front of me. 
I am embarrassed to be apart of this human race 
I wish someone would get on my case 
Instead of opening it and poking around 
All without a sound 
A silent judgemental stare 
Would put anyone into such a state 
It's not up for debate 
I am just joking just folking around 
Hey if you read this quick it kinda plays like a song 
But folk get about me 
I don't matter remotely 
A former demographic 
Forever all lonely 
Folken poser 
Wannabe I am not even there most evenings 
I'll sit in my hands and bide my time 
Hide in the ethos, maybe go back to flip phones and the Ethernet. ​

But there is only so much dopamine I can stomach tonight. I can't bring myself to bring myself to another boiling point or summon up those burried feelings again 
Like the rain that's been ruining my yard time 

I can't wait to get off this earth 
It's the same old feelings and lines
This monotonous meaningless conversations 
Only breed frustration and conditioning 

I want to try and make sure that I am worth saving
Only so much you can do in this form 
I am not sure if I got this down this life time 
But for good measuring I am sure. ​

​Hope the deadline was worth it "dad" 
I am done resuscitating roadkill
Pumping air and effort where there is none 
I am not even in your top 10 priorities 

I am not your friend I am your now only daughter 
Not some one sided social experiment
So you can finally have a sense of control over 
I have no expectations of this and of you 

But I knew work would take precedent
Because I would have done the same to you 
I would rather work myself to death 
Then allow you to pretend to care for me 

​I hate your fake personality and personas 
I wonder when you will figure out about masking 
And I am sure you can turn your love for me 
On and off like a light switch. 

But I am not going to dim myself so you can be 
Comfortable and continue old patterns 
It's pathetic. I know who I am. 
You're just a carbon copy of a want to be. 

I've delt with life times of abuse from men.
Its absurd how you didn't protect me you just propetuated it. 
I would never trust someone else 
Always having a parachute and an exit plan 

​Would rather lie and say you did the best you can 
That you say you'll try and try again 
And I am just so sick of not being made a priority 
No wonder I choose men that triangulate me and ignore me.

Avoiding all the mirrors in my house 
Cause the people who think they're closest to me 
Don't know the half of it 
I had that side of you that's deeper and seeped 

DNA programming I think you were a mistake
I picked the wrong caregivers this time around 
And the best way I can explain and express myself 
Is not making a fuckin sound 

And it may not make sense to some people 
But I will tell you this 
No adult child wants to amputate family members 
Unless it happens to make everything better. 

A.W.