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Performance: Find Me When You Come Back by Charlie Lefever

1/27/2021

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In the past year Long Shot Books had the honor of releasing Charlie Lefever's latest book, Find Me When You Come Back.
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In this collection, Charlie makes the case for unrequited love. With each piece you'll be falling in love and yearning for your dream girl. You may find yourself in a storage room, crowded by shelves of pasta and bags of flour, standing so close to her that you'd never want to leave. You might inhale the scent of the ocean and allow yourself to float away for a while. You'll be mesmerized with how “the yellow of the sun & the blue of the ocean mix in [her] eyes.” In time though, you may think you're leaving her behind, only to realize she wasn't coming with you.

You'll know what it means to love fully, forever—"No one in the whole world will ever Love you in that exact, particular way that I Love you." By the end, you'll see love everywhere. 

Find Me When You Come Back spills truths that transcend time.

Contact Charlie at charlielefever074@gmail.com or LSB at longshotbooksllc@gmail.com to pick up your copy of Find Me When You Come Back for $12.
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Check out this great performance of the opening piece:

​Charlie Lefever is a queer writer living in Pittsburgh, PA. Their work, best described as creative nonfiction with a surrealist twist, is featured in Pretty Owl Poetry magazine and forthcoming in the Arlington Literary Journal. Charlie enjoys writing by hand in the company of their two cats, one pup, and many houseplants.  

Follow them online here. ​
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Ash Wednesday! Lake No Mistake, I Know What I Am Doing

1/26/2021

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Written By: Ash Catcher
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Friday was my first day off in 2 weeks, I know exactly what I am doing, work yourself to death and trade it all in for a 5 hr round trip to a frozen ass lake. I had no idea it was gonna snow the entire time on my way to Lake Wallenpaupack and yet here I am underdressed as always and wearing tennis shoes, I tried skipping rocks, and all it did was make that weird sound ice makes when you try to break it. Like that “Wooooooooooooosh” sound. It was kinda cool, this lake is one of the bigger ones in PA. I also stopped off at Lake Harmony wish is said to house the cleanest water in PA. 

That was frozen too so I am not sure if that ice was 100% ph crystal but you know I can only dream and speculate. I am trying to visit all of PA’s greater Lakes, I went to Erie in November, I have been to Noxx a thousand and one times, and now I can tick off Wallenpaupack, and Harmony off my "Lake List”. Well water am I waiting for? I think I am strapped for ideas of what to do with the few days I have off now, I go to the gym like every day after work, I run several social media accounts, a feminist blog, a door blog, now a coffee blog, which I am still playing with. I don’t know I just know I should be out there seeing, and doing more. 

I have picked up some new hobbies, aside from lake investigating, I guess I could bring some PH strips next time and test the contents of the water if that was really my thing. I enjoy scenery and science, but what I really like lately has been rocks. Mostly they have been coffin shaped respectfully but I have acquired a various collection of rocks over the past few years. I have no idea where this has stemmed from. I just started snagging rocks during my day trips. I am thinking this year when I start going to the beach again that I will be collecting and labeling sand samples. 

As far as writing goes, I plan on keeping up with weekly blogs, I think they are oddly satisfying, it helps with all those skellys I am trying to get out of the cosmic closet. But hey isn’t that what drugs are for too? This year, I am not just planning, or putting out the intentions for more spiritual growth, and connecting more with nature. I WILL be doing that stuff. So look alive, or as alive as we can be right now, eat your veggies, and stay alert. I am listening to too much vaporwave, and solvetwave.  I have a feeling that this year is about to be super interesting.  

I’ll see you next Wednesday degenerates 

Ash
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Unoriginal Originality

1/26/2021

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I just finished a book I spent eight years working on. It's about a kid in high school. I'm sure with that level of information, you can think of at least 50 other books about kids in high school. Some stories may take place at a party, others at prom, graduation, or all three. The protagonist may be struggling with planning for the future, navigating the minefield of a social life, or dealing with some supernatural shit, or all of the above at once. So I'm clearly not the first person to write a story about high school.

When I'd describe the plot of my book about a maladaptive daydreamer, I was often met with comments like “Oh, like Inception?” I used to get all worked up and rapid-fire list ways how my book was nothing like Inception (if anything, it gave off more Walter Mitty vibes), and it left me feeling like I was wasting my time.

I let that hold me back for like eight years.

In fiction, you can narrow down the plot to pretty much any novel into seven basic categories. This concept is so well known it even has its own book and Wikipedia page. Basically every story can be summarized into these categories:

1. Overcoming the Monster
2. Rags to Riches (or Riches to Rags)
3. The Quest
4. Voyage and Return
5. Comedy
6. Tragedy
7. Rebirth

To add an extra layer of unoriginal-ness—just about every conflict possible can be sorted into the six main conflict types:

1. Man vs. Nature
2. Man vs. Self
3. Man vs. Man
4. Man vs. Society
5. Man vs. Technology
6. Man vs. Supernatural

I won't break them all down here because there are much better articles that do this already—my point is, a lot of this has been done before. That can be discouraging. It can make you question why even bother writing at all if you can't put anything 100% new out there.
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I'm not advocating that we all be formulaic, plagiarize, or give in to mediocrity. I'm saying we shouldn't let the notion it's been done before deter us from telling our stories. You can tell them the way only you can. We've got a great thing going for us—we've got as many stories as we do folks to tell them.

I'd say instead of pressuring ourselves into being wholly abstract (which is probably egotistical at best), we can focus on sharing stories that bring us to relate to one another. Being inspired by one another doesn't make our stories unoriginal. It doesn't make you a hack.

​There's fellowship in shared experience. I'm glad I'm not the only one who had an awkward first date, experienced a breakup (or five), wrecked my car, pissed off my parents, or felt nervous about post-grad life.
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​You, as yourself, are already unique.  You don't have to continue to justify that. There will never be another you in the world—not now and not ever. You're a cocktail of personality, memories, quirks, dreams, ideas, scars, hopes, values, fears, regrets, expectations, experiences, ideas fully unique to you—and writing honestly about these things is probably the most original thing you can do.

--Maureen
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Ash Wednesday! Broke and Boujie

1/19/2021

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Written By: Ash Catcher.

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​Paranoia to the max. 
No thank you man, I am just trying to relax. 
Pheromones up in your face. 
All your coke n blow are laced. 

Thought you had control over me. 
Well I feel sorry for you, why can't you see: 
You’re just broke and boujie. 
IPA’s all day, and still no bed frame. 

You’re just so broken and boujie. 
Feeling slightly stupid 
Strung out on all the drama. 
I am sorry dude, what is your name again? Did you say Connor? 

All up in your head, and in the clouds.
I hear you don’t have much going for you now. 
Hey man life is short, that's why I look at cows. 

You’re so broke and boujie. 
IPA’s all day and still no bed frame. 
Almost pushing 30. 
Put on display from some cheap lay.
If I look at your face in pictures now, 
All I got to say is wow. 

You’re so broke and boujie 
All of fake ass friends sipping on each other’s kool aid smoothies. 
I don't know if you know this but your piece of work. 
Your antics they just drive me berserk. 
Being with you was a fucking chore. 

Like taking out the trash. 
It's something that I hate.
I know you stay up late looking at my cache. 
If we ever see one another again, I'll chalk it up to fate. 

Sick of all the fakeness in this place. 
Your house of lies is crumbling. 
Cmon just do it, fucking eat a salad. 
This years ending soon, your opinions still are not valid. 
Feel that? It's the universe calling, she is sick of your expanding face, and all the lies. 

Sick of all this broke and boujie 
Ignoring me in public 
But stalking my Insta story. 
You guys like to hoover around me like Sputnik. 
Do you think I wouldn’t find out? 
I knew you were full of yourself, but now I know you just like to reroute. 

Back to all the radicalism. 
All your “Social Anarcho Lives”
Who are you fooling, you grew up in Bucks County
Why are you trying to act Delco all the time? 
You don't have to lie to me anymore, I don’t trust you anyways. 

You’re so broke and boujie 
Strung out on cheap cocaine, and codependent smoothies. 
Lust for breakfast, tasteless, tackiness, trading all your school lunches. 
When are you going to address all those vices, and crutches? 
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Ash Wednesday! What does Music Mean to me?

1/12/2021

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Written By: Ash Catcher 

I think that is the most stupid generalized, over asked question someone has asked me. So I am gonna rant and rave all about it. 

Like art, there is just a shit ton of music out there, for every person's interest, all walks of life, demographics,  and languages, which I am listening to Ukrainian 80s synth pop, in a few mins I may be throwing on Mongolian throat singing, and or Japanese industrial music. It varies, and like my moods, that shit's gonna change, like time on a damn clock. I cannot recall a time where I did not have some mild form of social anxiety and musical ADD. I just let that shit flow. I keep reassuring myself if things were more open and you could have just one night out at a club things wouldn’t be so bad. Ya girl's just gotta dance this out. I am not stressed out, I just got something that is knowing away at my psych ya know. I am not sure what it is, but music really has been a saving grace.  

On days I am not working, and nights- they’re few and far between, I really want more time to create. I feel like I have been manifesting this moment for a while now but I am pretty set on taking myself and my art further than I ever thought possible. I am very shy when it comes to sharing my art. It's something that I am trying to steadily get over, in addition I am also super shy about what kind of music I share with others as well. Music is such a personal thing for me that I feel like sharing it with another person is super intimate. That's just how I see things. I could sound crazy, bit when I tell other people that sharing music is pretty personal to me, because ya know memories and shit I can tell you for a fact I am not exactly open to sharing 100% with what I listen to with others, um cause some of it is weird as fuck. 
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I am sure I am not the only one who misses techno, and house music, all the music I have discovered when I was younger is also apparently the taste of a middle aged white man, so I am flattered and semi creeped out. Maybe I should try and branch out. I used to fuck with digital streaming music hard as a kid, my Apple Music library could satisfy me for weeks, and weeks. But after they locked my account I became super bitter about it, and immediately invested in vinyl. I have been collecting them for roughly 15 years now. I have I want to say 100 or so records, I have been obsessed with 7 inches lately. If it's not broke don't fix it. It works, I can find some weird original pieces, which I don't know why is really important to me that I don't have something that someone else has. I guess that is a squirrelly aspect of me I just need to accept. Nut up Ash. 

For not being that inspired lately, I can happily say I woke up after sleeping in till about 9 am, fucking unheard of for me, but I just don't listen to music, I listen to my body too, and apparently I am listening to hella indie, and way way too much beach boys. Send help! But maybe just a song suggestion would suffice. Music is that personal additive, its like something a little extra that you add to your coffee that you don't tell your guest, and when they choke on the coffee gasping “Is that cinnamon I taste?” You reply back and say “No, that's the Newest E.P from Pup, it's just as spicy, but way less calories.” I am not sure my humor can translate via text very well. 

Whatever I would be dead without music, like WAY more dead than I already am. 

See ya next Weds! 

Ash
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It's That Feeling You Get

1/10/2021

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I originally wanted to make this into a Things I Like video about Airborne Toxic Event's self-titled album for our YouTube channel. Then that idea was whittled down to just being about their hit “Sometime Around Midnight” (and I don't care if that makes my taste basic—the song is a masterpiece). Then that idea resulted into a flood of other ideas I thought would be a big enough deal to warrant an article. Before I get into it, I do want to talk about how much I love it, and I promise I'm going somewhere with this.

“Sometime Around Midnight” is a story compressed into a five-minute and four-second song. Basically, Mikel Jollett runs into his ex at a bar and realizes he's still in love with her. She's acting like she's having the greatest time in the world with some other guy, while he's remembering how she looked when she was his.

The beat starts off slow as he's describing the encounter. He starts getting bolder when he sees her leave with someone he doesn't know and his blood's boiling and his stomach's in ropes. Then in the most angst-filled way he shouts, “Then you walk under the streetlights / And you're too drunk to notice that everyone's / Staring at you / You just don't care what you look like / The world is falling around you.” Then he ends with telling himself over and over again “You just have to see her” even though he knows it'll break him in two.
Outside of the genius lyrics, angsty vocals, and master instrumentals, there was something else I liked about this song, but I couldn't articulate it right away.

Finally I realized I liked it because I had this experience too. This song was one of the things that helped me get through every past breakup. I felt understood. I couldn't imagine not having this song in my life at that time. Yeah, I'd survive it and move on, but there's something so special about a song that resonates with you when you need it.

Back in 2012 when I was getting ready to graduate, budget cuts to our arts programs (among others) were finally coming around—or at least, finally being talked about publicly. Around the same time my school was shoving the going to college route down our throats on top of pushing kids towards math and science fields. My family was also telling me to study something practical, instead of art. I genuinely think they both meant well. The school was probably just looking at stats and saw the growing need to fill those jobs in the next few years. My family wanted to make sure I could get a job. I get it.
Science and math make vital contributions to our lives on a daily basis that I am grateful for, but hear me out: Not everything you do is required to result in massive change that affects the lives if billions of people. That's a lot of pressure. By no means does art cure disease, stabilize economies, or save the world from meteors.

But that song might mean the world to one person. A poem might help that person put words to what they're feeling and help them make sense of what they're going through. That reassurance that we're not alone unites us. It's invaluable insight—especially now, in a social climate hell-bent on driving us apart and pointing out our differences rather than what we share.

A friend once made a comment that history was written by the winners—those who are first get to write how it happened. The runners-up just get to push the winners' narrative. That story is a recounting of what the winners consider to be important to pass on to future generations.

Art is by the underdogs. (There are some elitist jerks and gatekeepers who say otherwise, but this doesn't include them.) You want know what people cared about? What they were hoping for? Afraid of? Mull over the lyrics to that song, pick up a chapbook or a novel, or go to an art exhibit. Entire art movements sprout up because people want to be heard.

Art exists on the margins outside of statistics. The answers we give can't always be charted or graphed. What gets you through that breakup can't be found under a microscope. Your joy isn't always a result of careful calculation.

Sometimes you just need to be told, “I get it.”
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I doubt that's the reaction to “Sometime Around Midnight” that Mikel Jollett intended, but well, here it is.

--Maureen










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Ash Wednesday! PLAYin with Myself Part 2

1/4/2021

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Ash Catcher

New year 2021! All new Ash Interviews good good! I am so excited to see what this year brings! 
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  1. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? My Co-worker, Amanda. 
  2. Who sent the last text message you received? I don't text much. But it was a work thread. 
  3. Who was the last person you ate dinner with? My roommates. We made sushi for my brother's birthday. 
  4. Who was your first Boyfriend/Girlfriend? John McCuen, I should have never dated someone who was 22 when I was 16 years old. That was my bad. My first girlfriend's name was Rachel. 6 years on and off.   
  5. Who was your first Celebrity crush?James Franco, and any other Franco. 
  6. Who was your first friend in college? I did my gen Eds at Community. That show is nothing like what community college is like, so I feel ripped off. 
  7. Who would you tell first if you found a dead body in your garden? I wouldn’t, keep that shit on wraps, chances are I put it there. 
  8. What is your idea of special time together? Cooking dinner, I know I am boring and throwing on some vinyl. 
  9. What is your most embarrassing moment? I was in Kindergarten and ODed on whipped cream during an Ice Cream Social at our school Library. I’ll never forget that. 
  10. What is your most used swear word? Get Fucked. 
  11. What is your star sign?  I am a Cancer. 
  12. What is something that amazes you? I am amazed by squirrels. They are so freaking skittish. 
  13. What is an ideal first date for you? Ironically it is grabbing coffee, and going for a walk. 
  14. What is at the top of your bucket list? To travel to all 7 continents. 
  15. What is something you look for in a partner? HONESTY, and COMMUNICATION. If you wanna say something, fucking say it. I am a very blunt person, but I only invest my time into people who are worth it to me. 
  16. What is the name of your first pet? His name is Fernando, he was my dog growing up as a kid. 
  17. What scares you about aging? Having to be the age where you need to pick out a night cream. I see you 30.  
  18. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular? I am blunt as fuck and I encourage others to do the same. 
  19. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize? My brother mentioned to me the other day that I don't forgive anyone, and he would be correct on that. I don't forgive, and I never forget. 
  20. How far away from your birthplace do you live now? In a few hrs. I was born in New York. 
  21. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you? I am the oldest so enough said. 
  22. How many Boyfriends/Girlfriends have you had? I have had 6 boyfriends, and 1 girlfriend. John, Connor, ( T2 anyone) Darren, Martin, Kevin, and Shane. Apparently I date a lot of introverted guys because they seem to prioritize call of duty over my ability to achieve an orgasm. 
  23. How many countries have you been to? 5. 
  24. How many oceans have you swum in? 2 but not so much oceans, rather than seas. 
  25. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? Oooooh  I feel attacked. I have a lot of shoes.  I never got over that platform heel phase. 
  26. How many relationships have you been in? 7 total. 6 boyfriends and 1 girlfriend. Is that alot? This is the second time this question has presented itself. 
  27. How many rings before you answer the phone? I actually don't answer the phone ever. 
  28. How many tattoos do you have? 13. I want another soon. 
  29. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? I am not sure, I really hate people lately. 
  30. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? Think I was like 3 or something. I moved on pretty quickly and was more upset about the tooth fairy not being real. 
  31. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? I was 6, and then again at 27. 
  32. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? TJ MAXX. 
  33. Would you ever consider living abroad? 100% I would do anything to get out of the country. Dead, or Alive. 
  34. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? Leggo, and I'll let you know. 
  35. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not? I am really rough on myself, so I would probably be self loathing and demand more from myself. 
  36. Have you ever suffered a fracture? Yes my left ankle. 
  37. Have you ever dated two people at a time? I have and it didn’t work out too well, it was in college. 
  38. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No ew. 
  39. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike? Yes, I had a phase, again in college.
  40. Have you ever taken self-defense lessons? I have taken Krav Maga for over 5 years. 
  41. Have you ever visited a country outside your continent? Yes I loved Europe. I am banking to visit Australia, or Asia soon. 
  42. Have you ever won a trophy or an award? What was it for? Those participation awards in middle school gyms. 
  43. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? Which one is your favorite? I read two out of three of those. I like to read. 
  44. At what age did you go on your first date? I was 15. It turns out I didn’t know it was a date until after it happened I felt cheated. 
  45. After a breakup, would you rather be alone or be surrounded by friends? I like to be alone, but I will reach out to my friends. 
  46. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?  I wouldn’t want a sister. 
  47. What flavor of tea do you enjoy? I fuck hard with Matcha. 
  48. What is a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? A lot of weird paranormal stuff happens to me. 
  49. What is one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? Change my oil, I hate doing that stuff myself. 
  50. What is the first amusement park you’ve been to? Hershey Park, I was 6 and lost my first tooth on the way there eating a happy meal. I was terrified and thought all Hamburgers housed human dental remains. 
  51. What is the last compliment you got? Someone complimented my eyes the other day. 
  52. What is the most boring movie you’ve watched? The Counselor, with Michel Fastbender, I actually walked out of the theater. 
  53. What is the scariest movie you’ve watched? Idk I love scary tho, so prob a lot. I love any Rob Zombie movie. 
  54. What is the worst grade you got on a test? I’ve failed a few back in my day. 
  55. What is your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them? I hate politics, I really have to choose between two white straight men to dictate how the next 4 years of my life will end up. FUCK THAT. I am not saying I am above politics, but I think it is the stupidest fucking thing to come out of the human race. 
  56. What is the farthest-away place you’ve been? Italy was pretty far. 
  57. What is under your bed? Storage Bins, I have a lot of clothes. 
  58. What is on the walls of the room you are in? I am in my room, so it's a lot of art work, I tried to get art that portrays the city I am currently living in. 
  59. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? Coffee, and Cigarettes. I don't smoke them alot anymore but I love cloves. 
  60. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? The ability to look at others as human, and forgive them for their mistakes. But fat chance. 
  61. Where do you buy your jeans? I thrift. 
  62. Where were you on Valentine’s Day? I took myself out last year at my favorite place, a guy ended up playing guitar for me. It was super cute. 
  63. Where would you want to retire? The beach. 
  64. What is something you are gifted at? I am good at drawing apparently. 
  65. What is something you wish you were gifted at doing? I wish I was good at gymnastics. 
  66. What is the best compliment you have ever received? You have a cool vibe. 
  67. What is the first movie you remember seeing? The Lion King. 
  68. What is the first thing you do when you get home? I take off my shoes. I think everyone should do that. I hate having dirty floors in my house. 
  69. What is the furthest you’ve ever been from home? What is this Lord of The Rings? 
  70. What is the one item you can’t leave home without? My backpack. 
  71. What do you like about your home? It’s hard to describe, but like the Gothy grandma vibe. .
  72. What do you love about living in your neighborhood? I love the people, a lot of artsy individuals, I don't feel so weird here. 
  73. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do? I would change the fact that I wouldn’t have to drag my trash cans through my house the night before trash day. 
  74. Are you a morning person or a night owl? 2020 made me a morning person, I am in bed by 10 most nights. 
  75. What time do you usually get up in the morning? 5:30 or 6am 
  76. What time is your usual bedtime? 10. I sleep like a rock now. 
  77. What is the first thing you do when you open your eyes in the morning? I am probably reaching for my phone. 
  78. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? What my day is looking like. 
  79. What is the first app you check when you wake up in the morning? Instagram. I am obsessed. I hate it. 
  80. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Yes they have been weird lately. 
  81. What is the first time you were allowed to put on make-up? I was 11 or 12 I think, my friend did it for the first time, my mom was pissed. 
  82. What is the first book you remember reading? Harry Potter, But I do recall reading Go Dog, Go. 
  83. What kind of books do you like to read? I have the WEIRDEST fucking collection of books, that are a huge pain in the ass to move. I am sorry for everyone who has had to move my library. 
  84. What is the last book you read? A book about women and their sex roles through history. 
  85. What book are you reading at the moment? “Why does he do that?” The psychology of abusive men. 
  86. What are books on your shelf that are begging to be read? I got a lot! 
  87. What book do you remember as being important to you? Stargirl was super important to me growing up as a kid. 
  88. What is the last film you saw? I saw Sex Drive for the first time, I loved it. 
  89. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema? I think it was the Joker. It was like back in 2019. 
  90. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Ummmm not porn. 
  91. What is the last thing you watched on TV? I am watching tarot card readings online atm. 
  92. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? I am pretty sure I could see ghosts as a kid. 
  93. What is the thing you change the TV channel with? The remote, sometimes I'll refer to it as the click clack moo. 
  94. What kind of car do you drive? I have a Mini Cooper, his name is Kylo Ren. 
  95. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? I am semi fluent in Russian. 
  96. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Tom Holland. 
  97. What medical conditions do you have? I am pretty sure I got some autoimmune things.  
  98. What position do you sleep in? Smack dab in the middle of my bed, with my cow to my right of me. 
  99. What religion will you raise your children to practice? My parents are Jewish. 
  100. What was the best news you ever received? I am not sure, but I am sure i'll write a blog post about it. 
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Good Faith Criticism

1/4/2021

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​Next time you're reading something, or listening to a song, or watching whatever it is you aren't already endeared to, try writing down your thoughts. Not the ones about the last time you shaved under your arms or if you have enough cheese to make it to the end of the week, the critical ones. How ruthless are you when it comes to new entertainment? Are you looking for the positives or leverage to pull the content down beneath you? This isn't a trap. You very well could be open-minded or accepting. Better yet, imagine everyone in your life judging you in the same way you pass judgment unto others. Is that a scary thought to you or a reassuring one? If it's the former, this silly, pseudo-analytical, slightly hypocritical blog post is for you.
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I get angry sometimes, because every time I check, I still have a pulse, yet I find myself stuck in David Foster Wallace's Hell. Everyone is hiding beneath seven layers of irony and eschewing potential in favor of picking the lowest hanging fruit, just to quip about how far down they had to bend in order to grasp it. We have pseudo-criticisms such as Red Letter Media constantly in pursuit of shlock and the propagandist brood of Jon Stewart's Daily Show clipping and recontextualizing news items before sidestepping any criticism sent their way, because after all, they are only comedians. It's criticism without accountability. That's to say nothing against those of us who enjoy our guilty pleasures (though the scripted pundit droogs can take their millions and piss off, considering the damage they've done to modern discourse via the snarkument style they've popularized and their bastardized narratives). I'm a huge fan of B-movies, bad songs, and think Mystery Science Theater 3000 has (or, had, I should say; I refuse to watch the latest seasons) some of the finest comedy writing in television history. At the end of the day, love them or hate them, RLM are successful filmmakers. Many people find comfort in their series and have enjoyed their original movies, which aren't much better than many of the films they lambast on their show, Best of the Worst. Rambling aside, my point is that they are putting their best foot forward and contributing something, even if that foot is wearing an ironic clown shoe. 
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I'm not sure when this trend (which I very well might just be imagining) began of seeing one's love seat as an authoritative throne. To acknowledge the obvious, yes, anyone can have valid criticism and everyone has the right to an opinion. We know. Some things are so abundantly clear they don't need announced, and some people are so dense they refuse to accept that until they are laid out plain and clear. My point is, if you're on the bench, you have no skin in the game. (I refer you to the analogy of the angry sports fan, beer gut and all, shouting at a famous player on the TV for missing a pass that this couch potato clearly could have caught had it been him.) I'm starting to see myself like a washed-up musician when I hear the sound of scoffing. "Where's your masterpiece? If you're so much better, where's your 'Bohemian Rhapsody?'" It's easy to laugh like you wouldn't make such a mistake when you'd never be willing to even put the effort forth. Maybe it is a diversion of my own but nobody reads my books, so, this rebuttal is never in relation to my personal works. One aside I can't allow myself to exclude is the post-modern trend of blockbuster movies not taking themselves seriously, or, if they dare invest in the stakes of its own narrative risk being branded with the modern scarlet letter of "humorless." The obvious example, as it popularized the quipping trend for modern audiences are the Marvel movies. (Once again, I'm not saying every one of these films is worthless; I enjoy a fair deal of them. I'm merely pointing to a cultural phenomenon with which they are associated.) At times, it feels as though the directors (or should I say, producers) are winking at the audience to say, "We know this is just a comic book movie. We're above it, too." They could take their storytelling more seriously but they're just too fuckin' cool. The issue with this constant quipping is that it's hard to accomplish anything if you don't try in earnest. Sometimes, to win big, you have to go all-in. I would say that Indiana Jones and Star Wars have a great deal of humor by way of quips but also know when to respect their material.
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​Remember way back, before I went on a schizophrenic tangent about pop culture, when I asked you to write down your thoughts on whatever you're listening to/reading/watching? Now, try making something of your own. See how much effort it takes to write a corny poem, how frustrating it can be to make a shitty movie, how many hours go into writing whatever song your friend posted on Bandcamp that you made fun of behind their back. (Hopefully that last thing hasn't actually happened to anybody.) Hard work is humbling. Behind many of your least favorite movies is a life spent loving cinema. Some of the bands you love to hate the most have gotten someone through a rough time in their lives. That book you pointed out has a typo also has sixty thousand words spelled properly. One of the best pieces of advice I heard for public speaking is that everyone in the audience wants you to succeed. They are on your side. Nobody wants to go to a bad show. Maybe every now and then you will get a heckler but to paraphrase Minor Threat, "At least [you're] fuckin' trying."
-Todd Daniel Crawford
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