GotCHA
Written By: Ash Catcher 

Friday is July 1st, it is my cat’s adoption/birthday. 
We won’t be having a party, as he will be asleep again by mid day. 
He is old, and lazy, and cake is hardly okay. 
To give to a cat, let alone a former stray. 

And what do you get the cat that has just about everything? 
Out of everyone in my house he gets the most packages, from my understanding. 
A rushed automatic feeder, controlled by WIFI, why the fuck not. 
But if you know me by now the cat is gonna get a killer card. 

I can't believe I officially adopted you 2 years ago. 
We have a lot to do this year, I am thinking Halloween, you should go as a mango. 
You’ll be 12.. or 13 I am still not quite sure, ew were old, but I love our naps together. 
But you still paint my kitchen with mouse brains, try cleaning that up sober. 

That wasn’t our best day, and you go to the vet a lot. 
But as a first time pet owner, and your mama you know I’ll do my part. 
I love everything about you even when you meow in my face when I am working. 
Forever my shadow, especially when I am trying to film a video, and cooking. 

Constant content forever, my socials and heart are all yours. 
The only man who ever really cares about me, Food driven? Me too- I am taking all the human food if we get divorced. 
I am kidding, I am happy I took you, because I knew something told me not to leave you. 
I am not sure if it was our matching eyes that won me over, or if it was my need to be the hero and rescue. 

I am happy to have you and I gotcha for good. 
I couldn’t have you out there in the cold nights, in the neighborhood. 
1 night on the warming pad, and afternoon in the cat hut. 
Fuck it come inside, and in you came in without coaxing, just your signature strut. 

I know as a cancer we tend to move fast but damn. 
You come over every night now, you moved in, and now you’re fam. 
I can't imagine having any other pet. 
But If I had to get you a brother or sister- I would be playing cat roulette. 

I joke about getting you a friend, but you seem to like being an old child. 
Independent, self sufficient, got me wrapped around you and beguiled. 
Sneaky and foxy, but semi retired, no more lizards to chase, or trash to devour. 
Happy Birthday- gotcha day! I love you so much Banner! 

-Ash

​Don't Stare At The Strawberry Moon
Written By: Ash Catcher

     The other week, was June's full moon- The Strawberry Moon, or A Blood Moon as I like to refer to it- and let me tell you I found a spot to stare at the moon for a few hours the result was I ended having an awful week. >.< Like awful, I am a pretty positive person, but for some fuckin reason absolutly nothing was going well the last half of the past week. 

     When my life's in disarray, the first thing I always notice is that little check engine light comes on in the car. This is why I think they call it KARMA... car, ok yea I'll keep going.... My check engine light popped on and my car is pretty old, a 2011 Mini Cooper isn't always going to runs smooth, for the most part I know my car, I know what it can handle and when i got home on Monday night I had a weird thought pop into my head- " Ash what if your battery on your car just dies... D.O.A." Whelp by Thursday when I had of course a 1000, and one thing to do. Kylo decided to kick it. Battery dead won't even start. I am really thankful I had a friend come and give me a jump- managed to get a battery installed in under an hour- by then everything was super backed up i had already apologized to all my clients i was supposed to see that day, ( If you're not caught up I have temporarily chosen to become self employed pet sitting and dog walking as one of my main sources of income- I love it no coworkers, and it's all my money) I even managed to snag some greek food real quick for lunchies as a thank you to my friend who helped me out! Dave, you are a real MVP!  Thank you also for my Mercury Retrograde Book- I have been having some weird bad luck recently. I only blame it on one thing- ask me about it. 

     I thought ok what is one bad day, whatever it happens.... and then it happened a day later again on Saturday. I was again about to do a slew of things- see some clients, and I was going to be in the area where I could see my friend play a show... and then my phone decided to just take a huge shit, and not turn it back on. Right when I was about to leave. I lost all my contacts, and about 8 months worth of writing- I managed to recover all my social media and yeah that isn't really a big deal in retrospect but when it is a colossal part of your daily income... that shit is still stinging. So if anyone wants to get together and have a writing sesh with me and your about an hr from Philly please hit me up I lost a shit ton of content, ideas, stories, memories, and ideally in a wonderful world i would like to sit down and try to get some of that back- anyone fuck with hypnosis lol or guided mediitation- I lost so much, and i really dont even know where to begin honestly. 

     I did not stare at the moon for too long, also when you do for more then 10 mins at a time you begin to either halicuante or disassociate, both are not fun when you are alone in the dark, in a park. I'll see you next Wedneday! With hopefully much better luck and news- hey at least my car and phone are practically brand spanking new! Just sheeeesh $$$$$ week! 


- Ash ​

Sunffine 
written by: Ash Catcher

Sunday sunny afternoon. 
Cup of iced/ hot coffee.
Caffeinated beyond recommended doses.
Doesn't matter what the bean is as long as it's roasted.

Cause nothing gets my seratoin going these days.
Things are happening around me, and it's getting kinda strange.
Timelines collapsing, things I shouldn't know. 
Intertwining with Characters from chapters almost forever ago. 

And with everything getting darker, and not much more coming to light. 
I Still feel like I am stuck inside, like 2 years ago- hidden out of sight.
The Cost of living is rising, but two things I know  are still for certain.
I'll still spend my hard earned cash on caffeine, and gasoline. 
I feel like a ghost if I am not moving, and exploring.

Been a minute since we kicked it. 
Hello canned latte let's go for a $50.00 joyride. 
Lately I’ve been having some better days, which makes me glad I stopped pleasing others- and quit. 
Being so entertaining to one-sided ness, flakey pastry, touch and goes all the skepticism and side eye. 

Java jackets, cause when I go through withdrawal I get super cold. 
Doesn’t matter what I drink- could you please define what makes your coffee bold. 
Flavor notes, cool- I don't really care right now. 
Just inject that hot caffeinated, coffee, concoction through my veins- however much is legally allowed. 

I’ll take a slow drip, give me that slow release. 
Build up a tolerance, beg for relief. 
The headaches are fucking murder.
If I am coming off semi snarky, and  sarcastic it’s not you I am a New Yorker. 

Sick of relying on sunny days- its been rather really hot, and rainy lately. 
I Will most likely quit caffeine if, and when I ever make it to eighty. 
I got some time, so I better get used to sitting with this addiction. 
My vices are fewer now but they all thankfully still bring some relief, and infliction. 


Not necessarily numbing out with my morning cup of coffee. 
But add a cigarette, then we are cooking with something saucy. 
Sun, smoke, fire, and warmth, and too much burned. 
All opposite of my usual cold watery self, re-coded, rebranded., reformed. 

Oral preoccupation, way too much self love. 
I am sick of my hands, they are beyond numb. 
And plastic doesn't do the trick. 
Craving something a bit more thick and slick. 



-Ash ​

​Dinner for ONE. 
By: Ash Catcher 
** A semi passive aggressive take on food.

​*Cashew butter tastes like Hatboro. 
And that is where I started to dabble with veganism. 
And Stouts, trivia, and way too many drunken nights, turned into WTF was I thinking mornings. ( Always a Monday) 
 Which turned into your name on my lips.
 And then after a movie or two, and some awkward conversation0 absolutely NO EYE CONTACT-  it's your face in-between my hips. 
I thought that life was alright. But then I met you. 


 Slammin Salmon Sundays, Way too much guac / overeating, all the drinking, I was in a 2 year  (food) coma from hell. 

Wawa Sandwiches, Voo- Doo Chips, and WAY too much weed, they all taste like Langhrone, and way too much time spent in Village Shires. I am not a hobbit. But why do I always fall for people of Irish descent. There is no deficit that is for sure. 
 and you thought keeping me in a constant state of chaos would be good for my stomach, shame on you. You don't have a gluten intolerance. You are just intolerable. 

Then I moved to fucking Siberia, and all I did was eat Russian food, and masterbate to the thoughts of you. 
Soviet candies, Russian Jellies, I have never drank so much tea in my life. 12 cups at my own curated meat feast.  
Why is my neighbor insane? 
Why is this random French guy, and his wife in my apartment? 
I just didn’t have the stomach for teaching anymore. But I loved all the treats- just not the gossip in the hallways.  
I wish others could be so brave, and quit their career to pursue their life long passions. ( and have the support to do so) 
But you couldn't see past your own selfishness, I couldn’t make you see past your own plate- so you took my fucking table. 

Our departure was like 2lbs of Strawberries that I got at the produce junction in Germantown the next day. 
I ate them in my car. I didn’t wash them.
 I liked to take a little risk. 
And I kinda was okay at dying from unwashed strawberries at the time. 
Now I am just so sick of washing my hands every 30 seconds. 
Avoiding people and emotionally eating instead. 

I can never order dessert in complete confidence ever again. 
Thank you for all the dinners. I see pictures of them pop up in my memories and I am more confident in my cooking and my life choices now. 

"So what are we cooking for dinner tomorrow?"




- Ash