​80 HD
Written By: Ash Catcher

​Now in real time. 
In 3D. 
Starting things but never finishing them 
Has become my lifeline philosophy. 
(There was more to this thought- but for the life of me I forgot) 

But I can do just about 80 things in under a nanosecond. 
Having been there, and done that, my mental health is as stable as the Czech Republic. 
Sending an SOS in my head for the 1000th time this morning. 
At this point I should come with the biggest FDA warning. 

Tipping on the broadest part of the line. 
I wonder what it is about me that says I am just some pretty thing to pass the time. 
Just some refurbished mirror for you to soundboard off for fun. 
What you don’t know is that when I am silent,  my skin feels like it's on fire, I love when we both cut and run. 

I stick to my side, and you stick to yours. 
And then the frenzy starts back up again, I am the queen of the crabby-side shuffling  detours.  
Fuck this story mode, I want to go rouge. 
I want all the extra credit, the side missions, and much more. 

Impulsiveness should have been my middle name. 
But instead it's something pretty nerdy, and lame. 
And Mental Illness, now THOSE are like middle names! 
We all have one, it is just nobody knows what the fuck it is. 

​The constant need to be unable to wait my turn. 
I am honestly the least of your concerns. 
Craving not attention, but mindless stimulation. 
Not to mention the need to know all and every piece of information. 

I love repetition, and patterns, it's something to me that matters. 
If I had the patience and the ability to sit, I would be nothing without Adders. 
Spent my entire childhood alone, and quiet. 
All my life I have never been known to be compliant. 

I was never a cigarette that you could turn, burn and throw away. 
Never one to see people in their neutral grey. 
It is either all good, or all bad. 
Rough day? I am going to go hit the gym, and take it out on my sketch pad. 

Feelings, feelings have fucked me up far more than any amount of alcohol ever has. 
When the self doubt creeps in, not much of a sound- erratic and super similar to Jazz. 
I have gotten really good at hiding. 
The part of me that always speaks out, and tells everyone what is on her mind. 

Nobody cares what I have to say. 
I get it all the time. 
Put me to work, I am super hyper focused and task oriented. 
But give me a day off and I’ll be fucking tormented. 

Free time isn’t free to me, it is ingredient number 1 in the recipe. 
Of a upside downward spiral cake- I sure can make some velvety chemical induced mistakes. 
Most nights I am frozen like a statue, Because I am so sick of being taken for granted. 
Sometimes I think most days I am better off alone, and abandoned.


-Ash ​

я не хочу keep inhaling all of this stagnant air. 
я не хочу normality, all year long, I rock Halloween dinnerware. 

я не хочу keep doing this group project on my own. 
я не хочу have to scour the earth for a pay-phone. 


я не хочу keep relying on others to get ahead. 
я не хочу keep on going, I have picked out the sheets for my deathbed. 

я не хочу be constantly complaining but I have very little else to say. 
я не хочу make it to Thursday, it's just foreplay for Friday. 

я не хочу be a brain fog zombie. 
я не хочу pretty enough to have been a model at Abercrombie. 

я не хочу keep seeing the ghost of you out the side of my eye. 
я не хочу make eye contact again, you make me so tongue tied. 

я не хочу complicates things further. 
я не хочу if you want to abort complacency then look no further. 

я не хочу keep hoping around with my head detached. 
я не хочу feel like I am losing it all, no longer unhinged, I am full on unlatched. 

я не хочу работать бесплатно. мое искусство чего-то стоит. это важно для меня.
-Ash ​

L U R K I N G 
Written by: Ash Catcher

You make me feel both relieved and anxious
How do you do that? Balance all that precariousness? 
Twice bent over I am not sure if it's a panic attack or my spleen. 
But for being the sovereign of equilibrium you can sure scream.

Dissolved all boarders, fuck your latitude lines. 
I would throw it all against the wall say fuck it let's climb the tower.
Planted firmly in the grown, celestial radiates through you, and lifts me up.
Hoping I don't fall over myself, empty out of all my give a fuck cups. 

You may think you're at the bottom
But just keep in mind you're still someone's top.
And in the grand scheme of things what does it matter anyway? 
Just stop giving a fuck. 

It's all in my head, I feel like I am allergic to most people's thoughts. 
King of all pain, clavicles exposed, I think nought. 
Twisting and turning, this piece has been revised too many times.
Feeling every bit my age, been picked apart clean, now I give off Vine vibes. 

I can't even identity as confused anymore.
I am too tired,  nothing feels like they used too much time alone.
But I got this love hate relationship with you and my phone. 
Give the kids cameras and they'll tell on themselves we have been owned by the unknown. 

Lurking "outside" or maybe in the trees 
I feel like I have been just unhooked from a machine. 
In my back pocket always, probably allergic to bees and the nuts of three. 
There the fuck you are, with your dumb dot of green. 

When you live stream your tower moments 
I am the first to watch you decay in real time.
It's kinda poetic interactive inactivity. 
Beyond survival at this point it's all about objectivity. 

Relevancy is that of the mind. 
I'll give you a cheat code that will help you save time. 
Nobody is coming for you, they all do not care. 
You are here for entertainment purposes only you are the static in the air. 

That raises peoples vibrations, no matter what you see. 
Too much reality for one day time to disconnect and watch some DVDs. 
The place of safety, I plan to milk all the money I pay for rent. 
I feel that feeling you're feeling every day, the fall of disparity and decent. 

​
- ash