Lavender Coconut Coffee: "Three Very Ash Things”
Written By: Ash Catcher
Bar soap, cucumbers, and Iced Americanos
In my spare time I watch documentaries about Parmigiano-Reggiano.
Squirrels seem to be my staple animal.
Mostly moving, using cash, so it is not traceable and taxable.
Yes, that smell you smell is me.
At this point I could get a lavender degree.
Bar soap I am obsessed with I have way too much
Hide them in shoes, my walk-in- closet, just another way to smudge.
My skin now is just about half way inked.
No longer judged, just eyed up, and down I guess it's some peoples kink.
What is that in your mouth? "A Lemon.” I responded with the rind over my teeth.
"But isn’t that like…uh really sour?” To which I just say: “Achievement complete.”
Plants Ash you have too many!
Fuck you dude, I only have just about under 60.
Your cat has overtaken your instagram, and maybe your life.
BRB going out to get freeze dried chicken- ethical moral strifes.
Decked out in black, but you’re still blonde and ditzy.
Adidas sporting, speed walker, gothic gypsy.
I am sure you mean well but you keep staring.
If I come off essentric I assure you I am not I just cannot fucking stand ordinary, and boring.
Lavender Coconut Coffee: Three Very Ash Things
I own more than an average amount of spoon rings.
Too many boots, about 1,000 black crop tops.
All of a sudden rocking a pair of rainbow flip flops.
I guess you could know me, or you think you did.
Narrow it down like that game with the squid.
Tick off the boxes, I cannot fit into a human concepted shape.
It has been fun, and all but I will be at the grape.
Ash Wednesday: Stop In Motion Sickness
Written By: Ash Catcher
Apparently, and I shit you not I only get really car sick when I leave Pennsylvania. What the fuck Ash, this past weekend I was supposed to go to Delaware which technically I did- I just got one of the most worst waves of car sickness I have ever had. I had only experienced this a few times as a kid, usually when my dad was driving. That stop, go that puts your little developing child tummy in the most cohesive of knots. Like that but add those mysterious side stitch things that make you just want to say “ OK, I am done with this simulation- respond damnit!” I used to get those when I used to teach, but it turned out they were kidney infections. Who knew, only took a few emergency trips for them to fill me up with a 200 dollar bag of saline. Bless you American Health System Bless you. Apparently car sickness is equated to hearing issues which I believe everyone has developed over the past 2 years.
Why oh why do I get car sick when I leave the state? I start to get the craziest anxiety attacks to follow, and for some reason break out into a cold sweat, but I am hot as hell. So what is the deal? Am I secretly not allowed to leave PA? Because looking back- Covid aside I have kept my adventures pretty close to home. I work a lot, and have recently started dog sitting again with everyone else starting to go on vacation. Life has been pretty packed and lucrative, but for the life of me when I do get a day off and find myself wandering- I just feel sick- like guilty. I don't drive that much anymore, not that I don't want to, I just am kinda sick of it. I finally have a driveway in my house and after 4 years of scrounging for parking and parallel parking- I freaking hate that I am kinda for the time being trying not to drive so much. My wallet, and stomach thank me, gas is way too expensive just for me to get sick and want to go home an hour into a car ride.
I did try tho, but unfortunately yet again I went to Delaware only to not leave the car again, oh well 5th time's the charm. I still need some cool places to visit when i have a free weekend or two in December, hit me up with any ideas and ill be sure to take some ginger tea with me and not stare at my phone so much in the car.
\ I am blaming this one on those planets in retro /
Written By: Ash Catcher
Cute, and Artsy, vegan coffee, heavily tattooed people who make me feel like I am not worthy- sounds like a magical land, while that may sound true that is just Asbury Park New Jersey. I have been here more times than I can count, each time I think the same things: 1) this is a great place for a photoshoot and 2) I end up freaking out over how stinking cute the ungodly pricey beach houses are in the town one over: Ocean Grove. Everything looks like it is off the set of Shrek, which still follows me way too much for my liking still. I swear I am going to have a vacation property there one day, even if it is a little beach bungalow.
Asbury Park reminded me a lot about that one show Boardwalk Empire it's not the best movie but the area has mad Gatsby vibes mixed with that just right amount of artsy alternative vibe: in other words It is what I envision a scene from Flapjack, just more sunny and bright! Known also as one of the most Unofficial Gay Towns in New Jersey, Asbury PK- it is not just all about Bruce Springsteen or Brian Fallon, although I have seen both these guys here, which was pretty dope.
Founded in 1871, Asbury Park quickly became a hot spot for people to vacation too- and still is I guess, although I am always here for a day, but each time I try to do something new. This time it was my mission to acquire postcards, and at least two magnets for my ugly ass fridge. Mission was a success! The town layout which bleeds into the next town essentially: Ocean Grove is inspired by European Cities, which is coincidentally like the town I have been living in for the past few years. Okay Ash focus….
In more recent years Asbury has gotten a huge face lift. It is pretty genderfied now. But why gentrify the shore? It literally seems like almost the edge of humanity, the last stop- something about the ocean and the end of the world. Idk why my head always goes there but it does. But now there is no reason to fear coffee roasters, vegan hot dog venders, crystal shops, and the always closed fortune tellers kiosk. Yet the record store was nowhere to be found WTF.
Traces of subtle Victorian architecture, sandwiched around colorful works of art on the wall, honestly there is just something e3rie about this place- that I always find myself saying “I cannot wait to go back.”
- Ash Catcher
Written By: Ash Catcher
I am too clumsy to be around fragile masculinity
We do not exactly have the best report.
But I know a little something, I think you know it and more.
Even CEO’s drag up the recycling bins.
My mom screams, in my head as a gemini sign she is her own literal twin.
Twisted, tired, tied up in knots.
Bored the other day, I traveled to the town of Pots.
Some funny feelings I had up there
Swore I saw someone with your same hair.
My cat literally has the same temperament as you
What would I give to be a little closer to some Moos.
Not sure where this thing can go, or if I am taking up too much rental space in my head.
No idea where I am headed these days, best to just shut up and get back to work, and look ahead.
I am too clumsy to be around fragile masculinity.
Shut up, eat me out, and fix the Xfinity connection.
Rainbow pours out of my cup
C'mon dude, enough I just want my stuff.
Exhausted this scenery, I know everyone there is to know
I now know every bridge and borough.
Give me a change of scenery somewhere with lots of trees.
Finally coming off my high, now I just got the munchies
Freakin DING Bats! A look at Dingman Falls, PA
Written By: Ash Catcher
Photo Credit: Dominic Giacalone
The other week I got to see some waterfalls, and other things.
Got to see my sign hard at work, caressing rocks like a G- string.
This stuff is so cleansing, I do repeat water grounding with my feet.
My heart beating harder, water rushing, almost thawed- done preheating.
Exploring, traveling on my days off, is sometimes better than jacking off.
But when reality settles and it's time to go home, do I post it online, and show off?
Or do I keep these places secret? Or share them with the world.
Real life, and hallucinations begin to swirl.
What is natural about nature [ any more] ?
It's just all of what is left.
Humans really made things worse, the only mammal who steals.
We take life, and lives from the earth, what's the purpose?
Sometimes it drives me berserk.
Falling water, where you headed-
Going into the smallest cracks never intrepid.
Dingbat, be my wingman.
Of the clashing of water, the falls of Dingman.
Written by Ash Catcher
You know that age old phrase: “ Talk is cheap” Well recently I find myself coming to the conclusion that talking actually costs a lot. It can cost you your time, money, and I guess in some very fucked up situations your life… In the past I can chalk up a shit ton of failed relationships that were actually due to a lack of communication. I didn’t want to cause any conflict by voicing my opinion but as I get older I am not sure if my filter has been damaged in transit or something but lately I don't really give much fucks. If something is bothering me, and I don't like it or you pissed me off I am going to look you dead in the eye- or in many cases my phone after I have disgustedly chucked it across the room- I’ll tell you straight up. You can call me the Queen of transparency if you would like. Please enlighten me, my mentality in life has always been very simple: be nice to others, respect animals, and don’t piss me the fuck off. Keep the peace- lately I have been talking much more about my thoughts on life, what I want from life, what music I have been listening to lately, and naturally the most common phrase that has left my mouth: “ Do you want to see a picture of my cat, his name is Banner.”
I talk a shit ton. I talk at work, at home, on the phone, I send postcards in the mail, hell on a slow day yea I may just pick up a scam call or two. But do people talk to communicate? To share their thoughts and ideas? Or do we just need to get this stuff out there into the air. I fully believe the greater good in people. I would like to believe that people like to talk, to communicate, to authentically share stories. It does not necessarily have to be relevant to the conversation I just don't know- I can't stand dead space, or static air between one another during a conversation. Like talk to yourself if you have to. I don't care, just keep it going. On the topic of communicating and talking to get across thoughts and ideas, I am pretty fucking weird, and I problely swear too much ( my parents were never around growing up so sue me) but I can even find common ground with most people. When in doubt talk about, the 3 P’s Puppies, Plants, and Parents- someone can usually relate to if not all 3 at least one of those topics.
Talking to Strangers: I must have missed this day in school where the concept of "Stranger Danger” seemed to escape me. I literally have such a fascination with people that I end up talking to almost everyone. I have been told in the past I am pretty annoying to go out to eat with because I end up talking to everyone, the table next to me, the hostess, hell I'll become BFFs with entire establishments if I have the time! If anything, I STRONGLY believe that talking to strangers is a good thing. It helps us expand our network and build relationships with other people. ... This is why many of us feel uneasy about talking to someone we do not know. The thought of approaching a stranger and initiating conversation makes us nervous. How else are you supposed to get to know anyone? I like to do things that challenge me, because if you didn’t step out of your comfort zone every once in a while, are you even living?
Until next time stay tacky
I went on a really cool adventure this past weekend but I am gonna save it for next week’s Ash Weds!
By Ash Catcher
Written By Ash Catcher
I feel like this is a second grade essay, “ What I learned in boating school is….” What I have learned about people just from owning a cat for almost a year is the following: It is okay to give people space - cats too need space, including my own, but I know he will always come back. I find that people who like to exit stage left tend to like to also show up out of left field as well, some time later. People and pets just sometimes need space. A time to collect, to be alone, to regroup, but will always be back. Some odd characteristics that my cat has shown me was this odd act where he would head butt me, I read up on it further and it is actually called “Bunting” Pheromones are released from their little cat noggins that show ownership of you, they’re marking you- you are their territory, people are no different. People will show that they value you over others and that they’re proud that you are theirs.
Another odd thing cats do, and actually Banner my cat has not done this yet ( we don't have a mouse problem) but the act of bringing "random gifts” is something people do quite often, most often when I see someone I bring a small gift or present. That was just how I was raised, I also read that random gift giving in a relationship is also the number one sign of infidelity and cheating. I can proudly say I would never do this, I am just a very generous person, so generous in fact I am very often taken advantage of by my kindness, until poof * I am over it, very cat-like.
Kneading: or as I call it “Making Muffins, or Bread” any kind it doesn’t matter, reminds me alot of how humans love to touch one another, I am very big on touch recently, I don’t normally go for hugs, and my good friends know better then to touch me unless instructed to. If I trust you, you're good in my book- I have been known to give a mean hug or two. That pressure seems to counteract stress, and I know my cat personally will seek out spots in my home that help to compress his little cat body. Poor thing needs a squeeze box in his old age.
The life long cat concept that has been in practice since the dawn of well uh I guess the internet/ “If I Fits, I sit.” Could not ring more true when applied to the human race. Very rarely do people seem comfortable sitting in places for extended periods of time. So why do cats think they can sit in these bizarre places such as boxes, small baskets, my kitchen sink, and now the inside of my couch, yes the inside, Banner poked a damn hole underneath my couch and has taken to hiding his toys up there. A black hole of catnip infused toys- all gone in one swoop! Please people just sit on a chair or something!
Finally the most prevalent: Cat Eyes: eye contact is its own form of language for humans, I don't know about you but I feel like I get “eye fucked” a lot- girls, guys it doesn’t matter. Human eyes say so much without having to say anything at all. You can convey thoughts, feelings, intuition, all of it. My cat and I always like to have a string contest, he always wins but I know he is just trying to get in my head, and my heart. I let him win every time. A cat's eyes, like a humans can say a variety of things: Feed me, play with me, pet my head, all that jazz. I have really seemed to have learned a great deal from owning a pet. It's humbling.
See ya next Wednesday!
Written By: Ash Catcher
Some things I have acquired, some things I have found.
Over the course of just one year and some all housebound.
Plants have suddenly overrun my life.
Always temperamental, over watering, over sharing like a work wife.
There is no cause for alarm, it's just the amazon in my bedroom.
I am terrified of what the future will bring, still mourning the death of my heirlooms.
They didn’t work out this year. I guess that is okay.
Feeling confused all the time for an ashtray.
Always there but still pending.
Always weary of tricks and lending.
Trials and errors, plants and pants on fire.
Something cryptic insert here, looking for the “all clear”
I feel like with plants they can always out grow.
The pots that hold them, they’re cheaper at Lowes.
All the things that I have learned about keeping these green babies
Makes me long for the 80’s.
A decade I was never a part of but should have been.
But instead I had to deal with drinking too much gin.
Plant based basket case.
Putting on a brave poker face.
Too many plants we now have a problem.
Somewhere way past appreciation and way too much pollen.
Living things, plants, and me.
Everything good comes in threes.
Plantdemic planned or purchased?
Will something hidden ever surface?
Green with envy, what is another thing.
Anything to get me past winter, autumn, spring.
Written By: Ash Catcher
This past weekend I spent some much needed time in the woods, well more like a gorge. I traveled to Watkin Glenns, NY to see what all the fuss was all about. It was fussable for sure, I loved this place instantly. I am so glad I went early in the morning because by the time I had finished the 3 mile run trip through the gorge I was making friends and seeing tons of repeater hikers in my view. I did however miss my cat terribly, he did not go hiking although I am very open to taking him hiking in one of those space cowboy contraptions.
Would I go back, hell yes! ! It was one of the best times in New York ( my home state) in a long ass time. I am so happy I got to get out in nature and combine some much needed water time. In my element literally water always makes me feel like I can be my most authentic self. It offers this clean, cool, cleansing, natural substance that really sets me back to baseline. After all I am mostly water, so that makes a little sense right? I really wanted to swim in these little tide pools I kept seeing, but jeez was it crowded! I went on a Friday too, you would think it was a holiday weekend. I did find my usual couple from Philly in NY which I always love finding! I always get a kick when I find out someone from my neck of the woods winds up in my current city. We are after all apparently the 6th borough.
I really have this odd thing for water falls. Like I just don't love them, I am really drawn to them. I crave adventure and water, i want to see so much of the world, well atleast the US. There are so many more places I have on my list. I am so happy I got to knock some off my bucket list this past weekend! i'll see you next week!
photos by: Dominic Giacalone