Folk Get About It Written by Ash Wednesday I am not financially stable I am contemplating using the cable ( box) To end all this hypocrisy That way they can't all laugh ( at me) Or behind my back They'll throw verbal attacks One right after another Maybe one day talk to my birth mother (again) Maybe reach out to old exs and friends And see what it was that they recommend I work on first for myself what can I do without They'll all sigh and say okay but you can't freak out. I'll take all the cables behind the TV and listen to all the static It will cover up all the panicking and the neurotics Because then I won't get to hear them all laugh at me Behind my back or worse in front of me. I am embarrassed to be apart of this human race I wish someone would get on my case Instead of opening it and poking around All without a sound A silent judgemental stare Would put anyone into such a state It's not up for debate I am just joking just folking around Hey if you read this quick it kinda plays like a song But folk get about me I don't matter remotely A former demographic Forever all lonely Folken poser Wannabe I am not even there most evenings I'll sit in my hands and bide my time Hide in the ethos, maybe go back to flip phones and the Ethernet. A.W
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1+1 Is Summoning Written by Ash Wednesday Making lateral moves but still painfully parallel playing Who I am I kidding I am trying to distract and distance myself daily But for some reason we find ourselves back in this weird little situation It's a repeating cycle There is too much history and character defamation And I don't have enough drugs to forget your Stupid smirk tonight Been painstakingly sober and not happy about it Because I am dying to let it all out and hate this silent overtime This overtune is a repetitive one And I am not sure if I can stomach you or your friends songs anymore Always coming up unannounced in my life and playlists What is this that you call this I say seridopudous. But there is only so much dopamine I can stomach tonight. I can't bring myself to bring myself to another boiling point or summon up those burried feelings again Like the rain that's been ruining my yard time I can't wait to get off this earth It's the same old feelings and lines This monotonous meaningless conversations Only breed frustration and conditioning I want to try and make sure that I am worth saving Only so much you can do in this form I am not sure if I got this down this life time But for good measuring I am sure. That 1 + 1 is summoning
I think I can feel something coming Not sure if it's another person, entity, or feeling But I am so sick and tired of trying to justify some things and meaning. There isn't enough healing and stirring with myself And trying to forgive and move forward I am so sick of trying to bury past people who Won't just fucking rot in the earth or something along those lines. 1+1 is summoning Something from nothing first and foremost I am not going to keep trying To unearth something that is broken and rotting. Springing renew I am rejecting everything that's not for me Old patterns eclipsed staring today Did I not learn this lesson last time? A.W. Amputation: Severance Package Written by Ash Wednesday Hope the deadline was worth it "dad" I am done resuscitating roadkill Pumping air and effort where there is none I am not even in your top 10 priorities I am not your friend I am your now only daughter Not some one sided social experiment So you can finally have a sense of control over I have no expectations of this and of you But I knew work would take precedent Because I would have done the same to you I would rather work myself to death Then allow you to pretend to care for me I hate your fake personality and personas I wonder when you will figure out about masking And I am sure you can turn your love for me On and off like a light switch. But I am not going to dim myself so you can be Comfortable and continue old patterns It's pathetic. I know who I am. You're just a carbon copy of a want to be. I've delt with life times of abuse from men. Its absurd how you didn't protect me you just propetuated it. I would never trust someone else Always having a parachute and an exit plan Would rather lie and say you did the best you can That you say you'll try and try again And I am just so sick of not being made a priority No wonder I choose men that triangulate me and ignore me. Avoiding all the mirrors in my house Cause the people who think they're closest to me Don't know the half of it I had that side of you that's deeper and seeped DNA programming I think you were a mistake I picked the wrong caregivers this time around And the best way I can explain and express myself Is not making a fuckin sound And it may not make sense to some people
But I will tell you this No adult child wants to amputate family members Unless it happens to make everything better. A.W. Chaotic Neutral Written by Ash Wednesday Chaotic Neutral I feel nothing here or there I feel nothing everywhere I am unhappy no stop doesn't matter who I am with in a house that should feel like home or in a sweaty basement I love you but I think less of you. It's cute when you try to turn them into me. I am so sick of the same storylines and catastrophe Played by other characters But not learning the lessons I don't know who I would be Without all of the mental health shit and depression Chaotic Neutral going postal nuclear angelic Diabolical disposable Replaced easily in careers and love I am most days bed bound and spud Read far too much for mosts liking I can disappear for days and not miss anything Because I have nothing to base anything on I am making this all up as I go There is something of someone out there that's also been this low. With trust issues so great it only takes one mistake For me to say fuck this and go I'll be better off on my own. I can't handle the hurt and rejection that others choose instead of others reflections. Ill hurt myself constantly because I know I can handle it. Savagely harsh and sabotages greatly I am not going to stop now. This is just a me thing. Chaotic Neutral
All of nothing None of this is normal Trapped in this karmic worm hole. A.W. Shameless Written by Ash Wednesday You think Taco 🌮 Bell is Health But you do rails of coke daily Chugging Diet Soda and Beer Added sunkeness in your Gaming chair constantly But I remember better times And not all those shameless digs What were you trying to unpack and unearth Your closet is not the only one filled with skeletons There are IDs and idiots And when I saw your reddit I knew This dude is incapable of loving me I better chalk it up to a loss. ( That's healthy EGO) I remember:
Basement shows Pup album morbid stuff Cooking with your friends and not giving a fuck Exploring waterfalls Centralia dates Kissing on the Ferris wheel for my birthday (Even though you didn't get me an actual gift) You really had me going Shameless String out on string cheese and tomatoes from out back and hope (lessness) That you would change and your family would love me no matter what But that was never the case Maybe they couldn't handle my authenticator indicator But your mom's a fucking train wreck And your dad is more absent than mine Scope----- off topic You exude ugliness Of course you're not attracted to me You hate women, that I can see You hate me You genuinely hate me Like your mom, your sisters, and your aunt All three I wish you nothing but the most sincerest animosity Like you showed me and showered me in coldnest I could have counted on one hand The times you weren't bitching. It's low vibrations And I know nothing's change You still yell on your soapbox Keyboard in hand, it is a shame you were hardly a man. A.W. I want to take you out: dining alone. Written by Ash Wednesday Dining alone ( and out of your comfort zone) Is not for the weak There is something so attractive About someone who knows what they want to eat The indecisiveness is non-existent There are no silent quarrels at dinner There is something so enchanting about solo dining I think it's worth addressing and finding That there are some things I've noticed: We were people pleasers in the past Whatever you want to eat and do is fine I'll shrink myself for your comfortabllity And sit there lifeless Without a sound Emotionalless and subtle digs Something else a bit profound That dining alone and the long--
Silence of enjoying a meal Has more mystery and attractiveness Then sitting silently in fear Of scrambling to make sense of the thoughts your consuming for dinner Instead of your salad. I think I got something for you to chew on You should do things off book more often. A.W. Can't believe I was going to help you with your shit The next day you tell me you just want to quit What folks say about you in the scene is true I knew I would never really matter to you But I got some news for you and take it with all the salt I know that you were cheating on me, but you were just an option from the start. That's just the honest truth. I am done bullshitting you. I think it's entirely entertaining that you're helping your ex pay her rent. When you wouldn't even pay for dinner, what that meant? See I think you're a fucking joke who delivers lies like lines. But that's what I get from trusting a Pisces man for the second time. Oh fuck a ghost. She is "abusive and crazy and the worst". No dude you're just full of shit apparently those pills on your bathroom counter ain't working. Why don't you take another line take another hit. Numbing out on mgs high off your bull shit. You know that dinner plate of powder I am not supposed to know about. You know how I feel about that shit, and you're really doing that much amount. Oh fuck a ghost!
I think maybe meeting you and your mom was the worst. Entertaining as fuck watching you bomb on stage. Thought you were smart enough but your body is fucking decay. Wish I had accepted that beer when she met me that day. I would have thrown it at you and your ex on stage. How's that triangle going? Is this a little obtuse? Heard she is with someone else, fuck you kids are loose. You'll die alone And be a ghost to me like everyone else. Best of like dude With your addictions and your self. A.W. Coming In With Lies And People On The Side. Written by Ash Wednesday MY love languages include but not limited to cleaning out your refrigerator. Let me know if you have heard this one before I am done being your neighbor. I am playing it cool 444 all the emotions I have for you But my proximity could have been a trickster to pursue. That fox in my backyard is lucky. And boy like you he is charming, snacking on turkey That I leave out daily It worked for my cat, now they all know how to play me. Do you have a good idea of how to fix your way out? As if I recall before you and I have had quite the drought Coming in with lies and people on the side Third party intigers, very much not gonna let that slide. Right now I am going to be more than fine. But you need to latch onto others to survive. And feed off their energy Like a parasitic celery All water nothing to you No substance always defaulted to withhold & withdrew Coming back in this time I am "for real " Skeptical Slavic, haha😂 okay hit me up when you've healed. A.W.
Cat Fight 101. Written by Ash Wednesday You told me not to worry about her ( That she was psycho and absurdly abusive) But I saw you played fiddle beside her at one of her gigs last week. Yeah okay, and I am the one with trust issues. This is so and so insert former flame name I'll love them always and forever And constantly compare the two of you Although I'll tell both of you this never. You read my journal even though I left it open for display This wishy washy bipolar behavior Is something I am used to anyway. Whatever your about to text and say, best of luck to what you say. Yeah okay, and I am the one with trust issues. "I'll probably project my insecurities on to you and them Tell my friends you're bat shit so I have you all to myself I am just putting on a show and pretending to be someone else. But I am a better liar then a listener and I am a shitty fucking actor actually. I'll try my best to triangulate you two. But that's more then twice I've fucked up I get unlimited chances right? To spread my lies time and time again? To change the narrative for my own benefit. To me it's not selfish behavior. I am the victim see, she was batshit All she did was love me unconditionally, and we both know this. Yeah okay, and I am the one with trust issues. I am going to be a little blunt for these next stanzas: So quick to jump from relationship to relationship But you'll string me along for months. Give the shirt off your back for random strangers But this one is giving me some issues and I am having a little harder time training her. Snuggles up with another EKG in hopes that it helps to heal my battered EGO for me . Not sure who or what they see when they think they're being slick with me. Because your pattern recognition is abismal You are easy to read, and I read at a much higher reading level then you. At this point this shit is boring. If you're going come in and out whenever you want you need a subscription. How to try and construct a cat fight.
I am not sure if that's right. I am a cat person So best of luck So... You know I am really not gonna give two fucks. AW "Ash Wednesday" Written by: Self Hi my name is Ash: Ash Wednesday, Ash from Atomic, Lenz, Ash Catcher, Ash not Ashley and Just Ash. I am a: not sure how to answer that one, I do a lot because I don't want to ever just be known for only doing one thing. That's too mundane and boring and we can't handle that now can we. Hi my name is Ash Wednesday I am named after this silly little holiday where people smear their own selves with little lower case T's. Before giving up something for 40 days and nights. Hi my name is Ash, My personal life and personality have in the past been called infectious. I like to make people feel good, but very rarely are people generous and interested in me. Not what I can just do for the them and how I can make them feel. Hi my name is Ash I am notorious for staying in one sided relationships, and will often times give people the benefit of the doubt and think "Nah, they're not so bad I can help them." Mentality. Hi my name is Ash... I don't like to stop moving Hi my name is Ash I read and read into things too much Hi my name is Ash I really really love my cat, Banner. Hi my name is Ash I really really miss my Mini Cooper's Hi my name is Ash very often I feel excluded, left out, and fear people hate me. Hi my name is Ash very few people know my actual full name, I don't really associate or care for those people anymore. Hi my name is Ash. It is very very very hard to earn my trust, if you lose it. Best of luck trying to get it back. Hi my name is Ash. If you keep anonymously messaging me for a year and not come forward and admit who you are, believe me I am not going to regret it but you may.
Hi my name is ASH WEDNESDAY I am going to keep calling myself an artist until something else makes more sense. - A.W. |
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August 2023
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