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Unreliable Narrator Written by Ash Wednesday  Turning pain into purpose The waves of pain roll in I should be over this Able to conquer this Instead disconnected from this I've seen these all unfold before I can do nothing to stop this. Proud and projected I am going back to the sounds and sources Flick my safety off with your tongue Goddamit those claivicals are gorgeous And the dip in your hips And that little sound you make with your mouth You know the one Fuck is the room getting hot? And instinctively want to grab the side of your throat. I think you keep forgetting that we are both heavily involved in others and it's time to stop playing childish games it would be rather inconvenient don't you think  Forever the unreliable narrator Sure there is more depth and character But you can only speculate before it becomes a script I'll be the one in the end laughing With someone else A mystery character One who doesn't put me through the ringer Trying to get wifed up with that ring on my finger  Ash Wednesday
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Call me up on the Oujia Board Written by Ash Wednesday  Summoning me for a good time Call me on the Ouija Board It's pretty cheap And kinda neat Call for a good time People of the Spirit verse People of the split verse The Astro plane or whatever it's called these days On daya like this Off and unfocused I smell pencil shavings And Donna's waving Consistently in the corner next to my bed Giving me the ol call me sign Ring me in the Oujia board Is this happening or have the fungus started to spore  Brain all foggy In and out Of course everyone wants to front One at a time please This one is pretty predictable It's unfortunately not quite dead yet But the patterns are inevitable Like a comet connection Lighting up the place Turns the place into utter ashes And the disarray and disappointment Follow soon after.  A.W.
Absentee Wantabe Written by Ash Wednesday  Detachment is something I am quite good at. It's not a flex, it's just one of the many monsters in me. I'll just be another what if of the week A fleeting moment, with no time to retreat Just another one of your bands I'm not allowed to see live. Can count them all on my hands, but it's not like you notice. Always nice to see you in others I smile to myself as the smoke and mirrors settle I hope your happy I said recently When someone mentioned you to me in passing I really hope you're just happy Because the person you showed me was so sad and broken  And I saw that all unfold over the course of a year And I held you on nights I was over and I tried taking all that sadness out of you. You don't know what seeing someone spiral next to you in the couch does do you. You will never know Because I never told you I never voiced my opinion Because you never cared. It is so hard to get to the core of you. And when I did that I really didn't know what to except But by then you wanted nothing to do with me. Invasive Whose a snake and whose a fake Insecure Translucent intuition  You could look me dead and the eyes
And I would think you were lying It's not confidence it's protection I am never going to be able to get it back Eventually she will catch on to your patterns Like she latched onto all your lies Looked her dead on the eye daily And prayed they were mine And I'll smile all big And you'll hear traces of my laugh I got more then I bargaied for All I wanted was a bath. Ash Wednesday Ignore ance is bliss Written by Ash Wednesday  Put my teenage self in a back room with entertainment I didn't feed her and nourish her Instead I starved her to almost death And said she was always inadequate Not happy enough Not skinny enough Not smart enough Not normal enough I switched gears and focused too much on The fake her The masked her The hurt her  Nobody told me that working on yourself would be never ending But we and her are an on going art project A group chat That was one sided but I am doing all the work A group project Where we and I and her are the only subject I am so sorry for ignoring her for so long For thinking she wasn't going to be: Happy enough. Skinny enough. Smart enough. Normal enough.  I am fine being none of those things now
Before sure but now ignore ance is bliss. I wouldn't change for the world For all the lifetimes Built and running on pure spite and intuition I am so good at regenerating and starting over I am so excited for what I am about to discover And I am so proud of the woman I was five minutes ago I am pretty proud of her right now too. Headed home now I just wanted to do my best to make you feel safe Did I do ok by you ? Empathy Nest Written by Ash Wednesday  That empty spot in your bed is for snacks not liars I am going to be in here a bit longer Ohio is for cryers Did you find what you needed in her. I am sorry I couldn't be your punching bag Your pin cushion you could project on Like all those times you would up chuck word vomit And spray me with spite.  You know I hate spitting But what's even worse is I hate admitting That you didn't even let me try my hardest You'll never need to know, I guess empathy will be your safety nest. Same here and I am not going to be able to make it right I am here inside your head rent free all night You can come and get it if you wanna But I have a nest built up, walls higher, it's quite some height. Hey I am sure you mean well and some times past But what's up with you guys and the other ones You'll soon come to learn that grass is grass. If I had enough time I would let you water all of me  But I know better now, I am cold and bitter see.
Proceeds and charity is what I would be offering I think you think you're meaning well but you are a walking contradictory Empathy at best is something I can't be there to teach you You should have cared how I felt from the start And now look at how divided this is all, destined to rot Complete mind fucked in the head Put this shit to bed cord cutting threads. A.W. Tyler the Liar Written by Ash Wednesday  Wobbly lopsided one-sided libras Three times the last and I won't have none of it Sparkly eye syndrome Never at home Two phones thats something I cannot condone And unlike you I am not confused but comfortable In the silence, I'll just leave you on read alone late nights on longshots. All three of you are exactly as I thought. Think your slick And sexy But I have news for you Tyler Bet you nearly thought you had me.  Tyler the liar Sits and swipes for more suppliers Paralyzed and damaged The weak ones are all he can struggle to manage And I think that's funny Because I am here for it really You're welcome to try to be enough But your little samples are kinda rough. You're inflated ego Is funny and all Tyler you are welcome to try But your artistic imprint isn't stacking For that you know you're lacking In everything you can begin to list off your mind I'll remind you gently from time to time I don't believe a word you can say to me Discreetly discredited Dismissed and in no duress Tyler I am sorry but I am going to be hard to forget With grade A narc supply, such as me.  Your going to want to try harder next time
Shouldn't have been so forthcoming Next time you try to cheat in your S.O. you have some things to tune and refine I am sitting in my corner Laughing my ass off You Libra guys Are so unavailable and unbalanced Fucking clowns, the lot of you. There isn't enough time There isn't enough minds To get right with me. To all Libra's like Tyler To all the liar's You're welcome to come back and try again But I am done entertaining, it's time to abstain. A.W. Purgeatory Written by Ash Wednesday  I left apart of me Back in purgatory Down the road All good and bougie Moving in and towards a forward Wish I could take you for your word Instead you have me double doubting And laughing and recounting Some of those nights like when We would stay up till 4 am And I would believe all your lies How many times are you going to say goodbye  Drinking too much early G Listening to hecka Sleepy T. Lately and I'm thinking about getting But not sure if it's worth vetting All my time and more better spent But you're the king of circumvent I am not sure if or what is going on anymore Not sure if talking about how you feel is hardcore But I left a piece of myself and you in purgatory Trying to reach a little bit betterment; satori. Wallpapered to me, sticky little fucker Always nice to have the same role, The Runner.  A.W.
Social Disorder Written by Ash Wednesday  Souless media, this world is fake Where you can be the architect And broadcast your own mistakes And paint your own narrative And forever be fake In this digital world where everyone is always playing just okay My soul as turned to soup You think if you keep feeding me I'll be coming back for more Well I guess you would be right on that What's a couple hours more Of spoonfed grad A perfect content Crafted to your AI Alter Self What's a few strategic ADs for And I don't recognize these people Who are all sudden on my feed Their lives seem pretty basic and Inches from catastrophes Begging people to follow them Like a souless dead parade Pumping out the same shit Day in and days late But I've noticed this one thing Lately and I think it's funny that they show This AI generation just will never know What it's like to touch grass even just between a bit The reality is resting and we're are all trying to quit This scrolling trolly script that's hard to break away That just seemed to appear itself when the world was supposed to blow away. Souless media, this world is fake Where you can be the architect And broadcast your own mistakes And paint your own narrative And forever be fake In this digital world where everyone is always playing okay  A.W.  Chaos Lunch Meat A Human Treat Written by Ash Wednesday  A.P. into your living room The headaches and heart are coming I am not sure what to do But the bruises will brush my skin Sit like a constant constilation on my legs And the sun will kiss my face If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't choose the human race It's too much lately And I can't keep my mouth closed Of the audacity of some people And the things that they have chose  The chaos consuming It was neat for a little bit But I am looking forward to something else I think it is almost time to flip the script To do that thing I've been longing to do Working with and for others isn't easy to do And when you're constantly running into the same lost souls. It's harder and harder as the days go A human experience just remember you chose to incarnate into this situation No matter how bizarre and mundae You need to just get through the rough shit.  Find smaller bite sized morals of joy
The sun and the sky And the sea and the breeze The crazy amount of unhinged people whom I am Happy to have met They may not like me after For addressing all their bull shit and their mess But I'll A.P. into your living room. One more time Like I always do. A.W. 6th Feeling Written by Ash Wednesday  This morning it happened again That nervous silly bile friend Creeps up in the back of my Throat and head And then it happens That 6th feeling again. I'll think about you on the way And then oh look there you are This happened so many times But not as much as it happens With this certain someone I want to think their blissfully unaware  While every time it happens It still fills me up a little bit with dread I should be use to this 6th feeling It's getting more common now that Our timelines keep crossing You're showing up when I get coffee And every other shift at work I hear your voice in my head Those very distinct inaudibles And then look there you are. Driving past me in your car.  I'll think about you and there you'll be
On my phone screen and reality And I am not sure if you can call them coincidences anymore. But there maybe something to this Whole summoning color combo thing My favorite color is black but I am guessing yours is Green? |
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August 2023
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