Ash Wednesday! Dinner for ONE.

​Dinner for ONE. 
By: Ash Catcher 
** A semi passive aggressive take on food.

​*Cashew butter tastes like Hatboro. 
And that is where I started to dabble with veganism. 
And Stouts, trivia, and way too many drunken nights, turned into WTF was I thinking mornings. ( Always a Monday) 
 Which turned into your name on my lips.
 And then after a movie or two, and some awkward conversation0 absolutely NO EYE CONTACT-  it's your face in-between my hips. 
I thought that life was alright. But then I met you. 


 Slammin Salmon Sundays, Way too much guac / overeating, all the drinking, I was in a 2 year  (food) coma from hell. 

Wawa Sandwiches, Voo- Doo Chips, and WAY too much weed, they all taste like Langhrone, and way too much time spent in Village Shires. I am not a hobbit. But why do I always fall for people of Irish descent. There is no deficit that is for sure. 
 and you thought keeping me in a constant state of chaos would be good for my stomach, shame on you. You don't have a gluten intolerance. You are just intolerable. 

Then I moved to fucking Siberia, and all I did was eat Russian food, and masterbate to the thoughts of you. 
Soviet candies, Russian Jellies, I have never drank so much tea in my life. 12 cups at my own curated meat feast.  
Why is my neighbor insane? 
Why is this random French guy, and his wife in my apartment? 
I just didn’t have the stomach for teaching anymore. But I loved all the treats- just not the gossip in the hallways.  
I wish others could be so brave, and quit their career to pursue their life long passions. ( and have the support to do so) 
But you couldn't see past your own selfishness, I couldn’t make you see past your own plate- so you took my fucking table. 

Our departure was like 2lbs of Strawberries that I got at the produce junction in Germantown the next day. 
I ate them in my car. I didn’t wash them.
 I liked to take a little risk. 
And I kinda was okay at dying from unwashed strawberries at the time. 
Now I am just so sick of washing my hands every 30 seconds. 
Avoiding people and emotionally eating instead. 

I can never order dessert in complete confidence ever again. 
Thank you for all the dinners. I see pictures of them pop up in my memories and I am more confident in my cooking and my life choices now. 

"So what are we cooking for dinner tomorrow?"




- Ash