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Ya Dig Written by Ash Wednesday  You can knock back jack But have to water down your cranberry juice Lead me on, steal my time And never ever return my Tupperware I hate to say it But some of you will not be Transfered over to my next season Calling in my worth, you will not ruin the autumn I am in automatic mode Ready to block and transpire Into the ethos balancing the cold The pushover people pleaser it's all very old  And odd that you would think I haven't changed in all these years My dear I am sorry you were so heartless But it's time you see the problem wasn't her or me. You were the one that chose to dig and go take I hope the next one doesn't fall for the same mistakes You'll have to really up your game Or find someone the same A sad thing indeed these seasons of change But it's getting colder out And you'll both be come knocking at my door But when I open it willingly you'll see me and my New friends and family And they're not easily swayed They have my best interest This soul family doesn't take long To go off and call you out on your mistreatment And bullshit.  I am saving your reputation by not telling my side of the story you see how I don't say anything about us very demure, I am not demanding of your time.
So cutesy. And look at you repeating and representing my philosophies and her treating them like it's brand new gospel. I am fucking loving it t go off "King". Go all the way the frick off.
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Got Forgotten Written by Ash Wednesday  Took the knife out of my back Then started cutting ties with it I must have forgotten to mention I am a little bit of a weapons expert We were lonely and horny And happen to have chemistry I just have forgotten to mention I would skip this subject daily Habitually seeking refuge in my element I could sink into the water forever I maybe have forgotten to mention You're going to get absolutely lost in the depths of me Mentally seeking clarity I do this for the hell of it Disregarded all boundaries we love to make fun of it I must have forgotten to mention that All you ever see is the surface stares I won't have any of it This shifty behaviour If I wanted to deal with this shit I would have stopped going to therapy  And with every tired tide that keeps Pulling on the moon I guess in all that time I forgot to mention to you I am not who you think Or remember I am not the person you imagine I am No what it's or remembers I am actually pretty shadowy And your friend they just get me That tasty little taste of chaos That is the kinda of me that is easily lost.  A.W.
Burnt Out & Soup Brain Written by Ash Wednesday  5 day weeks but I worked 7 shifts Every fuckin morning I just want to quit And hide in the fuckin woods Oh God I wish I financially could Stretched so thin My brain is straight soup Not cognitive without coffee Cocking a fuckin attitude Burnt through my mental health Scorched and tortured so unwell Would burn this place and work shirt to the ground 5 day weeks but I worked 7 shifts Every fuckin morning I just want to quit And hide in the fuckin woods  All the rave all the flames Engulfed in kerosene That would be good for my brain Railing caffeine another early morning The world isn't even awake But they all need coffee Missing moments passing by This latte tastes salty lady Today I am a toast savant On my autopilot bull shit Trippy tippy in my hand I am numb number 1 man  Early mornings late night
This place would collapse But there are like 5 people keeping it alive God forbid I need two days off in a row Apparently they have my replacement I just have to train them first. Hell bent over to get ahead These days are getting worse and worse A.W. The Millennial Kennel Written by Ash Wednesday  Concrete Commissioned Communistic Constructed Dead inside striking sterile "upgrades" Cheap fascaded decor The Millennial Kennel You too can own A dormitory for adults You can now rent to loan The Millennial Kennel Can be yours today All you have to do Is sacrifice all that space  For a compact dream Sterilized like an office The Millennial Kennel A more luxurious coffin To hide yourself And disconnect from the world The Millennial Kennel with second colors Bold and blocky, these structures are absurd And ever all presence is daughting With built up way too high it's a struggle to see the skyline And I can't recognize neighborhoods anymore They all have the same fucking door And the people behind them I can't believe them They have lost all humanity the things we believe in  The Millennial Kennel
Fit for something Like a generation that is used to Being left alone and forever numbing Grass is Wack Written by Ash Wednesday  I think people forget that I was raised in a house of wolves Waking up with claw marks on my chest I am so used to being betrayed Skeptical doesn't even begin to defy it You thought the grass was greener But your a lazy lover and you hate to mow Left you to your own devices In hopes that you would grow  But I think we left things stagent for too long The grass is growing, and getting tall Now you're broke and I am to traumatized To see where things would even go. Oh look at you Here you are Alone and ready To use me again Like from the start From the beginning To the very end Fucked with my head My heart And would never hold my hand Fuck what you say From the very time you start Moving your lips I've tuned out your song It takes courage I guess Where was that before?  Foxy Waffles Written by Ash Wednesday  I am good love go disappoint somebody else Not today or ten from now Could cause me to spiral And breakdown And leaving me alone for all this long I'll be sure to get you hooked But my silence is an answer And least you forget At least your friends can be discreet You're just playing yourself waffles And making a sticky mess  And I asked you once again friend to a friend are you loyal like a dog ready to settle in or are you sly like my local fox? Stumbling onto my property drunk and horny Where is your mind these days What substances are you still abusing Have you gotten your shit together yet Or are you just pretending You'll have to be better And I've seen you've grown a bit You've gotten your bed frame finally Don't think I don't see the irony  A.W.
Pathetic Pathogens; Trying To Take Up Real Estate, In This Economy? Written by Ash Wednesday  I struggle with our dynamic Who am I to you Who are you to me Who were we to one another In that moment In that breathy sentence Is it aligned and balanced Absolutely not Are we still going at one another Oh absolutely just subtly I know deep down it's not I know you do this with other But it's comfortable to live in delicious delusion  Missing you is not okay it's underwhelming unfair and one sided and it's pathetic you make me feel worthless and pathetic.  Nothing will and would change
It would all be the same Except for a little bit more lying Crafted and directed my way Finally free and then you come crawling back I hope you found what you needed It only took half a decade for you to see that And I got a good laugh for about a week But waffles this is something you're not Going to be interested in me The situation is more sticky than that Than could ever be. You're welcome to try like the other But I don't think you'll stick I found a healthier substitute The kind that would make you quit And quiet and go into yourself A good look in the mirror And a ton of therapy and self help And I wouldn't even entertain Some of you fucking degenerates again An eye for an eye I am passed that petty shit Please both of you get your mind right instead. A.W. Some people will never reach out to you again
because they don't have the maturity enough to cope with the fact that they did you wrong since they lack accountability and self awareness they will create a false narrative about you so that they can move on with their own lives and don't have to feel bad about themselves. Fuck those people. They are playing themselves if they think a simple apology will do. Fuck those people. But not really but definitely write then off. They are the worst. The absolute worst. A.W. Like Father Written by Ash Wednesday We're both delusional if we think we're going to break one another's routine for the other. I couldn't even fathom finding time in my intentionally packed schedule. And you can't even bother to be in this state for more than a week. I think you have more in common with the those ex's to you have never met Hiding them from you but you're all both avoidant and voided of love  There is an airiness to you Like you'll blow away with the slightest inconvenience You'll pop up one day out of nowhere like a stranger Who the fuck wants to keep entertaining a stranger A picture from the past sent my way You got to be high if you think this is trying your best I hate these low attempts of communication I liked it better when you were throwing handwrittens in my general direction. But please keep in mind you have more in common with an ex partner and that isn't the father issues coming to light it couldn't be father from the truth that would require me to have a dad and that hasn't been you.  This is a generational habit that I am breaking I am not choosing to entertain these attempts But as I am writing all this I am shaking Be cause to reject you would be like rejecting a part of myself I think I am ok with hurting this part of me It's the greatest gift to myself To hold myself to nobody's standing I'll die on this hill crafted with planning Like Father faster to be an avoidant Negated variable I am stricken from the record and family albums I find this both endearing and adorable That you would go to such efforts to kill me and then try to recess a broken long drawn out abusive relationship that you refuse to address. Just wait till the end, I'll think of you less  I will not be present
I will not shead a tear I have cried all the cries I have said all that I fear Like Father from the truth I wish you could see To reject you is to reject a small part of me And I wrote this for you but also for the others Who think they can just leave me alone And time and time come back in for another Chance? I don't think so. Why would I repeat cycles from long ago. A.W. A Sided Conversation Written by Ash Wednesday  I cannot condone nor deny the frequency of the human hummm and how deep you resonate with me. We claim we're alive and fighting to not continue to play the same song that you are unaware that we both keep singing. On repeat And repetition Becomes something of that of a comfort Like religion, a one sided conversation Into the ethos We go fishing To see who will bite Who we can hook And secure to make us feel More well secure Whole Not so discouraged and broken I am so impatient around you Always wanting to deep sink And dive into the next dopaminergic Encounter, fuck almighty some days I feel Utter bat shit. I thought this would be easier Because yeah I've been down this road before But I think I may have taken a wrong turn A few years back, and I think I hit the end. What is this? This buttery feeling, somewhere between isolation and infactuation is boardline utopia. Why do I want to be around people but also wouldn't mind being alone forever.  -Ash Wednesday
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August 2023
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