I need to split myself into fourths. 
I know this is impossible of course. 
But if I had a me, whose only job was to cook, and keep the house clean. 
Well maybe I would have the time to go to the gym, to squeeze into those jeans,

But hey I guess that isn’t the case, because for the 4th time this week I am too tired to masturbate.
I got way too much on my plate, I guess that is because I haven’t caught you up to date. 
I skipped lunch again today, not because I wasn’t hungry, there was just no time.
Time? That construct, that thing that seems to last a lifetime. 

I have never heard it constructed that way, it almost seems fictitious.
I can't trust you if you bake anything but golden delicious. 
Split myself in 6, well if we have someone to front the 5 of us, that may just be the trick. 
I am almost out of ideas, because I am seeing the end of this wick. 

I am sure there will be days where we all go out of our minds, things are all about. 
The things one does for a breakout roll, when it is not their show, socialist clout trouts. 
Swimming up stream with nothing to tether them to their reality of make-believe. 
Where they live stream how much they have “achieved”


All without leaving their rooms. 
Well I guess you can do a lot when you don’t have to inhale exhaust fumes. 
Because your generation will never know what it’s like to commute. 
Contributing to the decaying conversation, pending on lawsuits. 

That is far too much for you to endure. 
Oh I apologize, I should have known your life story, how many weeks premature?
I am chill no big deal, just that I constantly hear screaming in my ear, 
I think it's there anyway, easy to clean up in my head, my peers are all present accounted for and here. 

Nitpicking what I do consistently. 
Micromanaging yourself is the key. 
When you do not know what to do in a state of distress. 
Just hunker down, and trust the “process” 


-Ash ​

​Written by: Ash Catcher 

Something I have acquired the past 2 years has been pretty green. I am not talking about $ but the flow has been pretty abundant, and I am thankful I am talking about house plants. They not only make the air in my house smell fantastic they're also um kinda profitable. So aside from my day job and night gigs when I am not selling things on the marketplace you may want to hit me up for your next plant baby. 

This sudden addition to my horde of things has over ruled my obsession with records, I am not sure I've bought a record in months- I don't have as many plants as I do books but it is still a very on growing process! 

Being a plant mom and of course proud cat mom [ I got a pin to prove it] requires am interesting watering schedule currently and I clocked it it takes me close to an hr to water all the plants in my house. With every other day or honestly when I remember whose kidding  I spritz. Got to make sure that soil is moist. 

They don't talk back, worst case scenario your cactus topples over and your well... you're fucked dont touch it I am pretty sure my last cactus Santiago died on my dorm room floor at the end of my senior year, I've never cried so hard in my life. It could also be the combination of starting my real adult life and the 4 year relationship between Santiago and I. It wasn't supposed to end like this! 

I love gardening but usually struggle with the commitment part one day I'll get it right. Who doesnt want to grow their own veggies there is something super satifiying about growing soemthing yourself. A collaboration between you and the Earth. 

I am happy I am a plant parent, wasn't planned just kinda happened. 
​

- As

Post Positive Poem
Written By: Ash Catcher ​

Happy 2022! Here is the first Ash Wednesday of the New Year! I actually had some writers block on this one so I had to kinda go into some archival work! 

​
We cherry pick our opinions to further our own narratives.
What is going on in the world now, compared to a few years ago- they’re not comparable. 
Gas prices are skyrocketing, and all the tech mongrel billionaires are all trying to leave. 
 3% of the working force resigning all because refusing to Roll up your sleeve. 

But here down on earth, where the weather all arises. 
The only places open these days, the meals all come with fries. 
I am not that old, but I recall some things a bit differently. 
People were way more cognitive, present, and much more friendly. 

If I keep thinking about how things used to be, I am back longing for the 1990s. 
Technocolor outfits, all unisex because our parents were broke. 
Nowadays, technology has changed, but disposable cameras are still astronomical. 
When I do have time to watch the news, I can only manage it in small doses, because it is rather comical. 


The rent was more affordable, college was cheaper, and you only needed one income to survive. 
We have a whole generation of men that eats nothing but debt, still living with their parents, and soon to be their wives. 
If that says something, I don't know I could never really get down with multigenerational homes. 
Sure you can blame the economy, but I know it as Arrested Development syndrome. 

If the past few years couldn’t get much weirder, I swore time has become a form of capitol. 
The movements of the people at this point are nothing close to mechanical. 
We have people trapped in houses, with nothing but their abusers, and addictions. 
Yesterday's newspapers still wrapped, and unread- shit seems like science fiction.  

And god forbid you have a human emotion. 
What are you supposed to do? Take a walk in the freezing cold and listen to that song about the astronaut and the ocean. 
Bombarded with advertisements, and things that I don't need. 
Had a rough day at all your work(s), why not try a $12 salad of seaweed. 


Having a moment of intrusive thought provoking. 
There are mornings when I wake up and I can literally feel everything around me dying, and choking. 
Falling in love with the traces of you, is there something that I have missed? 
Must have had the wrong name in my phone, that is ok I changed it to Mr. Egotist. 

Social Media docent even hit my dopamine receptors like they used to, it all feels like a chore.
One that I keep putting off, because I am sick of lying to my core. 
My energy, well it's winter so it's not that miraculous, some days, or most I just feel catatonic. 
Just need a change, maybe I need to start with my closet- could use some more colors, I think that is called polychromatic. 

I am sure this is what happens 2 years in post positive 


-Ash 

2022 Predictions: Look UP!
Written By: Ash Catcher

Last night I needed a night in. So I took the longest, hottest shower my body could handle, I lit a candle, and cut up some apple, with extra chunky peanut butter (with hot honey), because to some I am a literal psycho, and began to search Netflix for something suitable to numb my brain out to.  I settled on “Dont Look Up” my cat, Banner is for some reason into Leonardo DiCaprio, like alot- but he refuses to watch Titanic, weird I know. I love the division and the all too subtle tribute to what this last year and a half… two years… are we going on three I sometimes forget, all I know Is I rather enjoyed the movie, the cast was pretty stacked, it gave me some 2012 vibes another fine apocoliptic year, let’s not of corse forget 1999 as well the OG end of the world. Anyway doom and gloom aside I had a great time with my cat, and snacks- but what I did really want to do to ring in 2022 was to take some time and do a bit of soul searching. I wanted to do a tarot card reading…. On myself which if you know, you know is kinda a big no no, but hey its for introspection and self reflection all good things. ​

2022: A year of great abundance, new career change, and another move???? Sheesh okay let's unpack this: 

Abundance: It can take on many forms, not just so much in wealth, you can have an abundance of great many things for an example: I could have an abundance of pears, I would have 1) a shit ton of pears, and 2) a stomach ache- so maybe moderation should go hand and hand with abundance. Don't over do it, and make sure to always ground ourselves when making financial choices. I may or may not start getting into crypto. I still haven’t decided how much time I will have to dedicate to this seemingly foreign concept to me. I am not the most tech savvy person, and if one wants to give me some helpful tips please reach out. I am also hoping for a more abundance of opportunities to socialize more like normal, missing my soul tribe, and the friends I have made when traveling.

New Career Change:  I do not care if you love your job, there will be a time where you wake up where you have that thought in the back of your head…. “There has to be more than this.” This mindset is going to fuel you. I love what I do now, but in a month, in two, in three months will it still bring me fulfillment? I am not so sure about that. I am happiest when I am working for myself, I just do not like cookie cutter things, I am not that kind of person and half the time I walk out on managers, not necessarily the job itself. Mind you I think I have shocked my employers that I usually on average take 2 to 3 interviews a week, regardless if I feel happy at my current job. Always have an exit strategy, I learned that the hard way- so a new career change is most welcomed. I will be starting a whole new cycle in my life, it only makes logical sense that I up my career game. 

Movement: Now movement could mean a bunch of things, it can mean a literal move in location or it could be movement and progression in your finances, love, career etc. Take notice of people around you, because who you choose to surround yourself with says alot about yourself and where you are going, or where you have gone. Just look around you. Movement- and I hate to say this too also can correlate with literal physical activity…. Is 2022 the year I go back to the gym and start running again, eh maybe we will see. I know I would love to ease my way back into the gym world again, would working for myself and choosing my time to work allow me to finally have a healthy mind balance and soul priority that I haven’t had with previous career opportunities? Am I hoping to go to the West Coast? There are alot of opportunities and cabins in the woods calling my name. 

I guess I am just gonna have to wait and see. 

See you next year! 

-ASH 

Dimensional 
Written By: Ash Catcher

You project your 3D shit on to me 
And I turn it around on you and send it back to you in the 5D 
Tell me how that's fair-
Grasping at straws, trying to breathe air. 

At least give me some warning before my legs begin to shake uncontrollably.
 Because you’re on your side of town having a fucking meltdown. 
I am buried in my art again, not making a sound. 
Clinking on keys, fading into the black background. 

When the dimensions shift, I go catatonic. 
I can almost feel the other half of me cascading into a schizophrenic sardonic (state)
The sky looks like it is spouting fire this evening
And in some nights I lay awake looking at the window 

“I had no idea I would have to pay rent on my own personal hell.”
When I read, cause I hate T.V. 
I hallucinate, and disassociate into dead trees. 
Some days, most days, I feel I am at the mercy of the mindless. 


It is funny, like you know a secret or something. 
I can see better in the dark, much better than you think. 
Washing away too many dishes for my liking, I loathe the kitchen sink. 
Trapped in this house of staggering shards. 

I am determined not to break down in this house again… 
The house dimensions only span so far. 
What I wouldn’t give to have real access to my car. 
Control issues, always need to dive, fuck out of here I just want my own time. 

-Ash 

Over The Garden’s Edge
Written By: Ash Catcher 

     This week I felt kinda obligated cause your girl has had a few tower moments this December and if the SADS didn’t hit differently enough this year, I think it was shelling out almost 2k to save my cat, and a quick little spontaneous career switcharoo I am hella beat, and clinging to the last 6 months in my 20s like a madwoman. I got my 2022 planner in hand and not only do I feel like I am about to complete my first marathon, or at the very least the second decade of my life coming to a radical close. One thing I have prided myself on has been my work ethic. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do it well, I also try to separate work from personal but hey sometimes the two intermingle. At the end of the day I am only human. 

     Okay here is the non conventional part of this piece. I can't stress the importance of going outside of your comfort zone when you are in your 20s. Nobody goes anyway in life if they have stayed in the same spot since they were a child. I believe there is a term for that. For myself, well excuse this term I do not really mean this in a sexual way but you need to learn to “Edge Yourself” know your limits for sure, but also be that person that works 12 hrs a day 6 days a week, scale back to 8 hrs 5 days a week, it should all depend when and how much you feel like you can comfortably exert yourself. 

    Your 20s is a time to build your foundations, start grounding and investing in yourself, and develop some sort of moral compass. Where is it going to lead you? Were you like me where you had to have more failures, and heartbreaks in order to get "it right” only at the last second. I'll tell you one thing: real successful people have a laundry list of failures, and past people they have been screwed over and vice versa behind them that you don't see. My 20s was a fucking iceberg of career changes, loveless relationships, too many concerts, and way to many nights spent at Suburban Diner off St Rd until 4a.m. Do not be like me, do better.

     Lastly, make sure to not “Trip over your own candy trail” try not to self sabotage, curb your ego because in a self entitled world where we all feel like we are special I have some sobering news for you, we are all awful, we are all flawed, we are all perverse, and on the inside we are just a bunch of water mixed with some neurological jellyfish thing. Most of the people you will encounter in your life are literally so emotionally beat down, and brain dead. Being empathetic or dare I say sympathetic towards people who sit in the same spot and never reach their full potential. Always have the strength to move forward and go outside of your comfort zone, push your limits, and as you do you will see all the stagnant people take notice and I can guarantee you they will not feel happy for your success in life. 

     I hope you all have the happiest of Holidays, I will once again be staying away from my toxic ass family 

​
xxxx
 
Ash 

Street Name: 

1. Parker: Too far for me to walk to. I'll drive to this one. 
2. Umbria: Lived here, swore I heard someone saying something about stale croutons. 
3. Flat Rock: I used to frequent, but due to flooding, and a semi salted heart I flat out refuse. 
4. Cresson: Street is way too long, best shortcut to the booze. 
5. Tower: I was walking home one day and saw someone with a  The Room Bumper Sticker, they gave me their number. I didn’t call them. 
6. Delmar: Walks this way 3 times a week, lugging Luna, blasting music, trying to overlook all the breadcrumbs. 
7. Silverwood: The place to urinate. 
8. Sharp: This street is endearing as fuck, everyone in this neighborhood rated the Barrels of Crate. 
9. Fountain: Closed forever I am not so sure? Made it hard to vote, I wouldn’t know I am still Registered in Bucks Co.  
10. Smick: You Think you’re slick but I see you watching me, sipping on that 2.99 Bordeaux.  
11. Gates: Bill? You’re a pretty quiet area, swore I’ve parked around you. 
12. Fowler: TIny little weirdo, concrete jungle, puzzles, labyrinths, lard lord grubbers, high wire hanging shoes.  
13. Sheldon: Some late nights on this street a few years back, now whenever I see this street sign, I a, haunted by the past. 
14. Wilde: This has been quite the ride, been described as a lot of things, but I would never say half- assed.  
15. Hermitage: Entering some predestined BS, living with a bunch of 20 something addicts, what a fucking reality show. 
16. Dupont: It is a lonely way up to the top, but it is even lonelier at the bottom, that's not snow in the air, that is your roommate's stash of blow. 
17. Greenough: Never been on this one, to what I can recall, got rid of everyone in my circles, water is adaptable and can be any shape.  
18. Canton: I got a co-worker on the street, young and old Scott and Brian to beat, unpaved pathways, decaying landscapes.  
19. Lemonte: Looped into Delmar, I have been on this route the sunsets are subliminal, I feel like I can hear the sound of the sun. 
20.  Baker: Bridgenics, and bike rides, I can't seem to shake this route, easy 5 miles, surrounded by tombstones, treating it as a dry-run.  
21. High:  What I wish I could be now, connection less than 500 ft away, Uber Weeds.  
22. Mallory: The girl who asked me out minutes after you broke my heart. I see her online from time to time, then I go back to indeed.  
23. Krams: Smushed between Silverwood, bronze at best. Overlook this little road, but I am more impressed with its garden wall. 
24. Station: That Manayunk jug handle, thing is curved like some guys morals I used to know, crooked kettle souls 8 Ball (black)  
25. Pensdale: A long one, another go to route. Beating the shit out of the pavement, so I do not get too stressed out.  
26. Main: The place of employment, I sadly stay devout. 
27. Ritchie: Brandon, odd enough, has a pretty good deli, matte black walls, house dead sandwich pig meats.  
28. Green: I long as dangerous street, dead raccoon by my car, I named him Randy, I should really say a few words over him, wrap him in a sheet.  
29. Cinnaminson: Is this a type of spice? If so, I need it. Spicy as heck, cooking lady- I have this awesome bbq rub for tofu.  
30. Davis: Sounds too much like David, Dave…. Star Wars… absent parents…. Rouge Who?  
31. Conarroe: One of my first readings was on this street, then I started connecting the intuitive dots, of course they make a repent- a- gram. 
32. Gay: I am a little that I blame it on my mother’s side, She grew up around all boys, and I am the way I am because of how my Dad says the word Jam.
33. Levering: What is the deal with that new salon in the middle of the neighborhood? Sheesh Christ, what an eyesore. 
34. Grape: The Room is getting too cramped now, how about you play at another place, like the shore?  
35. Cotton: Super odd and kinda fuzzy, this street pops up, then floats off to somewhere heavenly.  
36. Boone: I dwell here primarily. 
37. Leverington: A main road to some, a street to others, this guy sucks to walk up on, but I’ll be damned if I do that latter. 
38. Roxborough: The place where this stage play is set, the scene we are all mad here, like the hatter. 
39. Rector: I won’t even say it. 
40. Churchview: This street is steep, but the parking is free, that means no more 26 dollar parking ticket fees. 
41. Terrace: Bakery, same coffee as I have during the week, become a walking spokeswoman for La Colombe, guess that is a Philly thing.  
42. St Davids: On the way Bridge Walk bound, weird churches converted into apartments, have we valued Real estate over God? 
43. Baldwin: Pretty sure he shot that lady, white men always walk away to the sound of applause. 
44. Apple: Of my eyes I got a parking ticket here, 3 exactly, the neighbor said I could leave my car here, whelp they lied. 
45. Shurs: My brother lived off this street for a hot minute then jumped ship, we went crazy that year at our house for pride. 
46. Kingsley: Wooed the cat next door to me, now he is sitting in my lap rocking retirement.  
47. Carson: Another place of dwells, it is an interesting environment. 
48. Markle: I know a bunch of these, but there are no Markles on this street. 
49. Salaignac: Sounds like a type of drink in the 1920s, or a brand of Cream of Wheat. 
50. Hermit: Is what I kinda have become, sick of hiding my face for no damn reason how many years has it been now?
51. Ridge: Holy fucking shit did we just pass a few Cows? 
52. Manayunk: Purgatory for people in their Twenties. 
53. Seville: At the top of the hill, read between the lines, and parenthesis. 
54. Maiden: Ironclad. 
55. Dawson: Creek, I laugh and people who spend time with their dads. 
56. Mansion: Something I would build in the Sims. 
57. Haines: Breaks off into little concrete heavy limbs.  
58. Wright: Wrong I guess this street is fine, its cramped and small, and a one way street.  
59. Jamestown: I went to this town with Rae.  
60. Ripka: Snagged some stuff to sell, and a lot of pillows and paint. 
61. Pechin: Every Wednesday I go to Sal Val, I am trying to find more mugs.  
62. Cross: Parked on this street, should have known you were hiding drugs. 
63. Fleming: RIP take out pasta. 

- Ash Catcher 

With the most overlooked holiday finally past us, I can not be more thankful for everything that has happened this year. How I decided to celebrate Thanksgiving was the most needed getaway in uh well this year I guess? All I wanted to do was take a bath, and yeah I am sure that is kinda a dumb thing to want, but as a water sign your girl thrives in the water. Good luck getting me out of it. I decided a staycation was very much needed.  I went to Lancaster for about 24 hrs, there were no televisions, or screens in my room, I had limited use of my cellphone. I just wanted to get back to center and appreciate time with myself, and my partner. I cannot even begin to describe how good of an idea that was— but I am gonna do it anyway because then we wouldn’t have a meaty Ash Wednesday Entry. ​

This year taught me to be thankful from everything that has happened to snagging a really cool house, going further with more responsibility with my job, a thriving side business, If you don't know I am an avid pet sitter, and dog walker- shit is lucrative, and of course I am thankful for myself, my partner, and our two cats.  I think life was at one time moving way too fast, well now it is moving even faster, we are almost in December already and I look back at my timeline every so often and I just see this beautiful person who literally couldn’t care less what people think of her. The whole point of writing is you keep doing it, and doing it, and doing it, until something sticks. I felt that way about art and as much as I want to paint again, it really hasn’t felt like something I need to do, I journal, and doodle, and I will draw still life in the cafe, or of Banner but I really do not feel like I need to express myself with such an intensity that I get when I am painting. ​

​-I'll Catch Ya Next Week

The Grind
Written By: Ash Catcher

On my days off, although few and far between 
Riddled with milage on the car, and a fuck ton of caffeine. 
Fast paced, only 24 hrs to spare. 
Bought yet another fuckin wicker chair. 

Breakfasts because I have the time. 
Self love, time crunched, literal paradigm.
Days off full of indulgences. 
Travel my ass off until I hit fatigue. 

Howdy Soudy, I guess you’re pretty cool. 
Town as large as a gram molecule. 
On to the next, transient mistress. 
 What is three cortados in one day, shit is so resistless.

But it is the grind I find the most peace. 
Social media, press release. 
Nobody gives a shit about my breakfast. 
Or if my grades were better, I would have been a biochemist. 

In the end it is as real as you make it. 
Your life is your life, you put out what you permit. 
If I give you my time, I would count yourself lucky. 
Borderline semi obsessed with hush-puppies 

At the end of the day I just can't wait to get home to you. 
Parked finally out of everyone’s way the little Kylo Coup.
When it's time for sleep, it comes so easy now. 
Cuddled up to the cat and Cow. 




-Ash

Written By: Ash Catcher 

( Myself in 2010) WAY before tattoos. 


You know what I do not understand, parents who leave their adult child’s room immortalized in time. Like every room I see  is a time capsule of hard 2005 - 2010  vibes. Think Teen Vogue encapsulated in a teenage girl's room, who in reality is married, and a doctor…. Like why my parents could not wait to turn my room into a guest bedroom- or better yet my younger sibling was stoked to get my ensuite bathroom.  I pet sat recently, and I had this weird little realization, you know, staying in a former sorority girls room has it’s weird vibes to it.


 Here were some conclusions I came to during my extended stay: 
This happens any time I go to the suburbs. 

1. You love to shop, I thought I had a lot of clothes. But they are not unique items- you want to fit in like in a box, you want people to like you, you want to be like everyone else. I am waiting to see the designer handbags stuffed under your bed, hmmmm nothing underneath interesting. You have a doctorate, you know how to hide things not in plain sight. 
2. The books you read, when I can find ones that are not for your medical studies are bland and how many copies of Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants does one need really. 
3. I see traces of your college self, I am sure it provides you with the same security that it did in College- you are the type of person to throw money at a problem and hope that it solves it- science right. You pay for friends, I think that is weird. Friends forever, my little my big- my superior, my heart hurts for you that you don't see yourself as equal to other women. 
4. KAPPA DELTA PHI SIGMA SIGMA MU GAMMA all sound like barn animal noises. 
5. The amount of  Teen Fiction that I have come across tonight in addition to copies of The Great Gatsby is absurd. 
6. Why so many trophies? SoftBall, Volleyball, all the balls, it is just plastic, you get validation from plastic people and things. You went to camp for fun, and never had to work and go to school at the same time because I can tell by your room, they gave you everything. 
7. Coach Bags, Tiffany Jewelry, heck this room looks like it belongs to a middle school girl in 2006, everything Is left perfectly as it is, you're oddly clean but you have a lot of things. 
8. Why are you obsessed with smelling so good? Channel, Trussardi, Diesel, Marc Jacobs Daisy, That DKNY apple thing why do I feel like I have slipped into an alternate dimension or at the very least one of those perfume ads with a bit of the product engulfing it. No wonder teen magazines have that nostalgic smell- its capitalism baby. 

 I need to leave this teen vogue scene. 

Xoxo Gossip Squirrel