​80 HD
Written By: Ash Catcher

​Now in real time. 
In 3D. 
Starting things but never finishing them 
Has become my lifeline philosophy. 
(There was more to this thought- but for the life of me I forgot) 

But I can do just about 80 things in under a nanosecond. 
Having been there, and done that, my mental health is as stable as the Czech Republic. 
Sending an SOS in my head for the 1000th time this morning. 
At this point I should come with the biggest FDA warning. 

Tipping on the broadest part of the line. 
I wonder what it is about me that says I am just some pretty thing to pass the time. 
Just some refurbished mirror for you to soundboard off for fun. 
What you don’t know is that when I am silent,  my skin feels like it's on fire, I love when we both cut and run. 

I stick to my side, and you stick to yours. 
And then the frenzy starts back up again, I am the queen of the crabby-side shuffling  detours.  
Fuck this story mode, I want to go rouge. 
I want all the extra credit, the side missions, and much more. 

Impulsiveness should have been my middle name. 
But instead it's something pretty nerdy, and lame. 
And Mental Illness, now THOSE are like middle names! 
We all have one, it is just nobody knows what the fuck it is. 

​The constant need to be unable to wait my turn. 
I am honestly the least of your concerns. 
Craving not attention, but mindless stimulation. 
Not to mention the need to know all and every piece of information. 

I love repetition, and patterns, it's something to me that matters. 
If I had the patience and the ability to sit, I would be nothing without Adders. 
Spent my entire childhood alone, and quiet. 
All my life I have never been known to be compliant. 

I was never a cigarette that you could turn, burn and throw away. 
Never one to see people in their neutral grey. 
It is either all good, or all bad. 
Rough day? I am going to go hit the gym, and take it out on my sketch pad. 

Feelings, feelings have fucked me up far more than any amount of alcohol ever has. 
When the self doubt creeps in, not much of a sound- erratic and super similar to Jazz. 
I have gotten really good at hiding. 
The part of me that always speaks out, and tells everyone what is on her mind. 

Nobody cares what I have to say. 
I get it all the time. 
Put me to work, I am super hyper focused and task oriented. 
But give me a day off and I’ll be fucking tormented. 

Free time isn’t free to me, it is ingredient number 1 in the recipe. 
Of a upside downward spiral cake- I sure can make some velvety chemical induced mistakes. 
Most nights I am frozen like a statue, Because I am so sick of being taken for granted. 
Sometimes I think most days I am better off alone, and abandoned.


-Ash ​

я не хочу keep inhaling all of this stagnant air. 
я не хочу normality, all year long, I rock Halloween dinnerware. 

я не хочу keep doing this group project on my own. 
я не хочу have to scour the earth for a pay-phone. 


я не хочу keep relying on others to get ahead. 
я не хочу keep on going, I have picked out the sheets for my deathbed. 

я не хочу be constantly complaining but I have very little else to say. 
я не хочу make it to Thursday, it's just foreplay for Friday. 

я не хочу be a brain fog zombie. 
я не хочу pretty enough to have been a model at Abercrombie. 

я не хочу keep seeing the ghost of you out the side of my eye. 
я не хочу make eye contact again, you make me so tongue tied. 

я не хочу complicates things further. 
я не хочу if you want to abort complacency then look no further. 

я не хочу keep hoping around with my head detached. 
я не хочу feel like I am losing it all, no longer unhinged, I am full on unlatched. 

я не хочу работать бесплатно. мое искусство чего-то стоит. это важно для меня.
-Ash ​

L U R K I N G 
Written by: Ash Catcher

You make me feel both relieved and anxious
How do you do that? Balance all that precariousness? 
Twice bent over I am not sure if it's a panic attack or my spleen. 
But for being the sovereign of equilibrium you can sure scream.

Dissolved all boarders, fuck your latitude lines. 
I would throw it all against the wall say fuck it let's climb the tower.
Planted firmly in the grown, celestial radiates through you, and lifts me up.
Hoping I don't fall over myself, empty out of all my give a fuck cups. 

You may think you're at the bottom
But just keep in mind you're still someone's top.
And in the grand scheme of things what does it matter anyway? 
Just stop giving a fuck. 

It's all in my head, I feel like I am allergic to most people's thoughts. 
King of all pain, clavicles exposed, I think nought. 
Twisting and turning, this piece has been revised too many times.
Feeling every bit my age, been picked apart clean, now I give off Vine vibes. 

I can't even identity as confused anymore.
I am too tired,  nothing feels like they used too much time alone.
But I got this love hate relationship with you and my phone. 
Give the kids cameras and they'll tell on themselves we have been owned by the unknown. 

Lurking "outside" or maybe in the trees 
I feel like I have been just unhooked from a machine. 
In my back pocket always, probably allergic to bees and the nuts of three. 
There the fuck you are, with your dumb dot of green. 

When you live stream your tower moments 
I am the first to watch you decay in real time.
It's kinda poetic interactive inactivity. 
Beyond survival at this point it's all about objectivity. 

Relevancy is that of the mind. 
I'll give you a cheat code that will help you save time. 
Nobody is coming for you, they all do not care. 
You are here for entertainment purposes only you are the static in the air. 

That raises peoples vibrations, no matter what you see. 
Too much reality for one day time to disconnect and watch some DVDs. 
The place of safety, I plan to milk all the money I pay for rent. 
I feel that feeling you're feeling every day, the fall of disparity and decent. 

​
- ash 

     August 29, 2022 9:36 a.m. NASA's new moon program is poised to smash all kinds of records for human spaceflight. Named for the Greek goddess Artemis, Apollo's twin sister, this initiative will put the first woman and first person of color on the moon….  It was postponed. ​

    My alarm went off at 7am. I didn’t wake up at home this morning, the lighting was all wrong- way brighter then I am used to, but the scene was set. I overslept like always but I kept hearing “Artemis.” A google search later I am just happy to know that I still got it. Lately I was feeling a bit skeptical. 

     Artemis controls the moon, and if you know you know- the moon, and I have this love hate dynamic. Just like how I feel about Cypress Hill, or milk chocolate. I get the Appeal for some people but sometimes I just want something much more full-filling. More moon mama shit. 

     If you find yourself in the woods- and you should, you should be disconnected as much and often as possible. If you have been seeing bears, deers, or snakes: I passed one this morning when I went to grab my keys, and find my sunglasses, so I count that . Be sure to keep your eyes peeled, I am hoping this cooler weather wraps up this static. I want it to rain so bad- I need to hear that sound again. 

      Artemis and I have quite the track record, especially when it comes to gathering admires. This huntress, and goddess of wild animals, nature, and the moon will have you looking at the moon wanting to set yourself on fire. I would not personally name something so mechanical and inhuman after something so soft, stealthy and beautiful. She embodies euphoria, and  unlike her brother Apollo, god of the sun, they are complete opposites- she chooses to represent her femininity by the moon, we are always cool, calm, and appear collected. 


     With the promise of cooler weather, and I know I am not alone when saying I cannot wait for autumn this year. I look forward to it every year. Usually on the first day of august I am in full fall mode. This year is a much different feeling. I am tired of sweating, running around- I just want to be still and present- I want to cool down and chill out and look at the moon. I need to get back to base, because this summer has been ridiculously difficult. 

     Artemis 1 was originally scheduled for late 2021, but the launch date has been pushed back to 29 August 2022. Engine problems caused a delay. The next launch window is September 2…. I am not so sure about that. What can I say, sometimes women can be a little difficult. 


See you next Wednesday, 


-Ash ​

​I AM A SIDE OF Parsley: A piece about being unwanted- and everyone’s most loathed garnish. 
Written By: Ash Catcher 

I am a side of parsley. 
I just fucking sitting there.
Not doing a whole lot of anything.   
Nobody wants me. 

I am like a side of parsley. 
Just on display, nothing special- on the plate.
And just like my cousin celery, You wont eat me unless you're drunk- I am  bound to decay. 
Nobody wants me. 


A one way trip into the trash. 
I have the audacity to garnish anything from pancakes to potatoes that are mashed.   
I am just fucking tras, leftover vegatation, my very purpouse has now become puzzling. 
Empty calories, taste like water and suffering. 
 

I am a side of parsley 
Dip me in salt water once a year- I am just a walking culinary metaphor. 
I have no idea why people buy me. 
A garnish most grotesque, I hold no value- but damn do I make your chicken breasts. 


I am a side of parsley 
Just a side piece to say the very least. 
I am nothing but a bastard of a plant 
I should be the illegal one, welcome to my TED TALK listen to me rant. 

I am a side of parsley. 
Why the fuck are there so many varieties of me? 
Nobody bothers with me... 
My only job is to garnish your plate. ( I feel like a mistake) 


I am the ultimate side dish, 
The initial side decor- 
The O.G. culinary decoration. 
Plate me you bitch, 15 seconds left- tie that dish together, present me to the judges. 

I am a side of parsley 
Empty- nothing, not caloric. 
Eat me, and nothing happens 
As far as garnishes go I am happy you asked if we associate with the Green Party (DUH) and We’re quite active and political. 

I am a side of parsley 
I hold no purpose that I am aware of 
At least I am not cilantro, and taste like soap despair 
Muddled green madness in your face
I have been casted aside with haste. 
Thrown about with no direction 
Most parsley's fate is not heaven 
We are all someone's parsley. 

I really don’t want to be parsley.  
I wanted to be someone's main course- not a side dish. 
I am a side of parsley- I am a piece of shit. 
I am full of myself- I want to throw everything away, and just quit. 



-Ash ​

​OverBooked 
Written By: Ash Catcher 


Hello, hello! It’s Wednesday yet again, this week I wanted to share some of the most outlandish books that I have come to own in the past 30 years on this space cake of a rock. Currently I have "an office” in my house and I say that loosely because as of May I have been working outside remotely on my back deck getting hecka tan- but in this office happens to be uhhhh like 3 bookshelves and I have two in my room currently. I just got back my big one finally and gave her a stellar paint job. She is saged and ready to get more books put on her! I cannot wait to acquire more. 

     Most of my shelves are categorized by genre loosely- but instead of my records - alphabetical and genre - if I really need a cookbook I know that is going to be kept on the bookshelf closest to the kitchen. Or… are they up and in my room. I’ll have to check on that. Okay so in no particular order I randomly chose a book off of each bookshelf! 

​

1. “Please Kill Me, The Uncensored Oral History Of Punk” Written by Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain This was one of the books that I first got at the Newtown Book and Record Exchange back when I lived with my parents- for what is is worth they have a great vinyl selection if you like music from the 70s and 80s- I have been known to skip genres every once and awhile and act like a damn hippy. So I have had this book for almost 20 years- it has survived like 10 punks borrowing it and it has miraculously came back to me every fucking time- to which I am always surprised- very rarely do I lend out books nowadays. This book covers punk on all fronts both coasts in the USA are accounted for- mostly Brooklyn I guess the authors are a tad bit biased and naturally the UK. This thing is riddled with witty interviews, vulgar stories backstage- where let's be honest that is the real show right there. All within less than 500 pages. Word count who the fuck knows! Gahhhh Anarchy responsibly. 

1. “Shroom” A Cultural History Of The Magic Mushroom.” Written By: Andy Letcher. We all know this so ill be quick to hate alcohol, but drugs when dosed properly, big, big fan of that- Anything psychedelic to make my head feel like a frisbee. This book is broken up into 3 parts and they’re all genus of mushrooms- Agaricus, Amanita, and Psilocybe. This one is particularly interesting in that not only do they break down all the components in these shrooms- covering all topics such as history, archeology, and even chaos magic now who doesn’t like that?! 
2. “Fifty Shades Of Kale” Written By: Drew Ramsey, and Jennifer Iserloh. I found this book and the Silver Lake Center in Bristol Pa while on a hike with a friend of mine. I instantly loved the pun so much that I snatched it and threw it in the car before we went for our walk. Inside are you guessed it, 50 recipes on Kale- while boring to some I quite like kale, beets, and carrots- I have to be honest the cover jacket is pretty fucking raunchy- I also think its cute when people sexualize vegetables. I have been honked at quite a few times for eating a cucumber whole at a red light. They were kind enough to provide a metric conversion chart too- which we should all use! I really like the Kale Pesto with Toasted Walnuts recipe- all though I always cave and use cashews cause it makes the pesto that much better! Fuck Authority, I’ll use any nut I please. 
3. “The Year Of The Flood”. Written By Margret Atwood we have all seen or read the  Tale but this book I managed to read in an afternoon at the beach while still getting maximum beach rat sun status! I recall getting the advanced copy back when I worked in a bookshop in high school. When I ordered the real copy I have to say first versions are always riddled with mistakes but they’re fun to find and tend to keep me more engaged. The plot follows two characters, Toby and Ren, whose stories intertwine with each other and, at points, with major characters from Oryx and Crake. Much of the story is told through flashbacks with the two main characters separately surviving the apocalypse described in the previous novel. Who doesn’t love unsesacary confusion flashbacks, plot holes and split story lines- I blame the Twilight Novels for fucking with character  P.O.V because clearly you’re strapped for ideas. 
4. “Body Astrology”, Written By: Claire Gallager— oh are we surprised I snuck one book on Astrology because I am not. I think I saved the best for last honestly. I don't remember where I got this book. I think it was in one of those I am so manic I have to buy something to calm me down in stages of my life but I am glad I did because this book is great! It's broken up by sign and included everything from possible her;th problems, yoga poses, diet, wellness, and answered my age old question: why air signs have the worst astmatha? You’re so lofty you are air, why are you choking like that? Get this book you'll need a book like this! 

Happy Wednesday! 

Written By: Ash Catcher 
Photograph Credit: Photodelphia, LLC Harley Maile

Happy Wednesday! If you are just starting to read these things, Hi welcome, I am Ash, and I guess some people would call me a writer/artist what have you. If you have been reading for the past 2 years of me doing this… go the fuck outside this article can wait but that sun serotonin is gonna hit you so much better than this blog post ever could, I promise you that! ​

Breaking up with Booze: Breaking up with anyone, or in this case anything is never easy, and addiction is not either. It's a weird awkward unspoken relationship with yourself that with the assistance of alcohol seems to just make that person staring back at you in the mirror a bit more palatable. I need it to feel better about myself, or I need it to not be so shy- whatever your logic is its pretty apparent that if you’re building up a tolerance the worse its going to be when you do decide to redact alcohol and just fuck off into the woods cause you can kiss your social life good fucking bye. You’re going to want to spend a few days or weeks… years getting a grip on yourself more or less. I know people that are 20 years sober and I know people that are 20 mins sober. It can vary quite a bit regardless life these days doesn’t just seem unbearable I can see people I have know for years deteriorate infant of me live on IG or Facebook daily- So far in 2022 alone I have lost 5 people to addiction, that averages about 1 person a month- very unsettling. ​

​Dating and Not Drinking: “Lets go and grab a drink.” Oh actually sorry I cant…… won’t? I am not sure when I came to realize a few tings about dating but the one thing I found was that meeting up for coffee because like a thing of the past- coffee is usually a safe bet because its in the middle of the day and its uh… well its not fucking alcohol. I used to get really defensive and uptight when someone would ask me to meet them for a drink. But now I usually just accept it, skip the soap box, talk about why I cut alcohol and meet up at the bar anyway. When they see me order a cranberry seltzer without the vodka- oh boy do they get a little taken aback. Sorry I am not gonna get sloppy drunk, and come back home with you- I am not sure what about me screams that. I have to get up early in the morning, I never stop working. I do appreciate their efforts, but its a huge turn off and I’ll be very honest Ill never see your stupid ass again if you ask me to spend my time at a bar. I did that already- I am not looking to lose another 10 years of my life thanks. Is that temptation still there, oh boy you bet I just know myself better and would rather not wake up in a dryer again. 

     Sobering Up, and Switching Out: redirection and rehabbing your habits: I think professionals say it takes anywhere from 30 to 90 days to break a habit. I am super thankful that just like when I stopped smoking that I automatically knew I could fall back on running- runner's high is a legit thing and while it doesn’t replace the feeling of having a few beers after a hard day- that shit is well like all this stuff addicting. I love running- lately walking and I am super happy I live in a place where it is pedestrian friendly, I know it's not logical or practical to take 2 hours out of your day to go for a walk but even 20 minutes of movement is technically 20 more minutes more than what you did before you started. Just keep moving. So Cheers, with some cranberry juice ( appropriately sweetened) and some seltzer. I am always here for my friends and family - anyone for that matter that wants to talk about cutting out alcohol. ​

Cheers you degenerates I better see you next Wednesday!




-ASH ​

​ A Little Tower Moment
Written By: Ash Catcher 

Salutations psychotics masterminds! 
Power play with me till I bleed across your social constructed operating table - I mean middle school cafeteria. 
Pull my heartstrings like taffy till my organs are past my knees. 
Down on the floor- now I may not come off as sentimental in the least 
But this nasty scar that runs past my veins and  has begun to AOL slowly drip dry download into my overworked heart 
This shit hurts, I am tired of aching, I am stretched so thin I keep visibly shaking. 
It's been ripped apart before, dismantled for others amusement- but this time seems different.  
Does love ( for others and for myself)  require an ethernet cable to upload efficiently? 

Because this shit is taking forever.
And some days my alignment and frequency are too high to come off my ego driven show. 
So involved and aware why I do things- I am my only critic and advisory. 
Always dishing advice out, but starving myself when it comes to taking it. 
I would rather procrastinate and over think. 
Make the small things seem extra big each week. 

And then the subtle familiarity creeps in… 
You dematerialized at dinner, and I started to dissociate,  like my 160+ gigs of music on my iPod Touch gone in an instant.  
Fuck now what am I gonna listen to now? 
Who will manipulate all these strings coming out of my back? 
More importantly, are we still having pancakes for breakfast tomorrow? 

I try to fill this black hole up- but I think the cement I am using must be expired. 
Nothing plugs up this nothingness- It's growing, but not infinite that would be overreacting. 
You just love overreacting- nope that is just me finally expressing how I feel of years of silence. 
I’ll be the judge of who is hysterical. 
I’ll just show you a fuck ton of indifference; there that should do it. 

I hate feeling so salty. 
Everything breaks easily, I always hurt. 
I don’t feel like leaving my house most days. 
I am manifesting something better- looking at some places in the deserts. 

I can't do another winter here- it may just damn near obliterate me. 
Looking at other avenues, maybe I'll end up floating in The Dead Sea.
Only slightly terrified of what I want to do next. 
Hoping for some positivity- obsessed with space lately, and solar apexes.

​

-Ash ​