Ash Wednesday! Spread Thin

​Spread Thin 
Written By: Ash Catcher

I am not being transparent with you 
Because I've been and become a fucking Translucent mess. 
Working way too many late nights.
I am just trying to do my best. 

I am overwhelmed and tired. 
I am over committed and I just want to cry. 
But I am so dehydrated and I can't stomach this anymore. 

The only privacy I have is at work. You don't respect me or my closed door. 
I am tired of being yelled at that I have nothing I can control.
The only way to make you stop yelling is to start recording.
You look fucking idiotic when you tell me you're sorry. 

Coming back after your one sided shrilling monologue. 
I have to be honest with you, I fucking hate you. 
I don't give a shit how you want to come off to the world. 
You are one weak mother fucker if you yell at woman and  girls. 

What you keep doing is abusive, your apologies don't mean shit and haven't for years. 
You're no better than that douche bag that calls me every other few weeks. 

​'I am sorry...." You begin to mutter. 
But I've already dissociated and dissolved.
Wish I could numb myself to fucking oblivion. 
This sibling shit is so old, it's like I am Israeli and you're Palestinian. 

We never got along, and I know we were both mistakes. 
But I don't think I can talk to you anymore, we need to take a break. 
I am not sure if you get this or not but with you I don't feel safe. 
Do you know how exhausting it is to know you cannot just leave and escape. 

I don't think you ever see the sacrifices I've made for you. How much I protected you from when your were young. 
You may got a few black belts on me, but you know I will always cut you down to size with my tongue. 
Talk shit all you want about me, you are a lot more like him than mom. 
Fuck your entitlements, you threaten me, or my son again I'll napalm you like Vietnam. 

Spending all my money on a place I never want to be. 
Fucking go live with your freeloader boyfriend, I never signed on to live with three. 
And pay attention because I am only going to say thos once. 
The day you raise your voice again to me I'll make you irrelevant like Kristen Dunst. 

Spread to thin, but you're so ugly from within. 
That toxic masculinity, that isn't even biological possible for you to possess, ugh where do I begin? 
I am not sure who you think you are, or who you pretend to be. 
But Ill tell you this I am counting down the days where I don't have to deal with your mood swings and your bullshit. 

- A.C.