Ash Wednesday! Reel Idolization

Reel Idolization 
Written By: Ash Catcher

​Panic stricken, jerked out of my dream-like state. 
Fluid filled the bottom of my left leg- this is why I don't skate. 
I feel it every second now, the breakdown of my physical body. 
I would tell you all about it, but my voice has been a tad bit froggy. 

Going back and fourths, seeing some new demons and dimensions. 
Not sure what I am striving for these days but I have abandoned all apprehensions. 
This meat sack wants a promotion, I feel like I am like three times my age. 
I've lived through shit most people cannot comprehend, the queen of disengage. 

Been waking up at all hours, the most prevalent ones are all before noon. 
Questioning what is real these days, is that really a real cup and spoon? 
The realizations, and downloads- that we are all interconnected. 
Interwoven coven, it is insane how much one is dissected. 

Life is just a series of reel idolizations. 
It repetitively repeats itself- the same season after season. 
The same characters just have a different plot. 
I don't blame people for wanting to leave this place and become a commercial cosmonaut. 

It seems so fabricated and scripted. 
The laugh track in my head is depicted. 
As my second grade class, Ms. Harris toppling over us. 
That's something I need to pack still, but I am not willing to discuss. 

So much to do always, but what does it all matter in the end. 
I've lost myself so much along the way, I am my only friend. 
I am tired of doing everything- I am sick of working and cleaning my house. 
Fighting over dumb fucking shit “ I am sorry for being insensitive if I say this but can you man up and dispose of that mouse.”

This time around the 30th try of playing the game entitled 365. 
I Felt reckless the other day, chugged a kombucha and started gardening barehanded.
I am trying to numb out responsibly, cause I have a shit ton of things to keep alive. 
But those vices are a bitch to quit, and my morals reroute like Route 66, but I won’t allow myself to decline. [again] 

Just edging, teasing, toying with the thought of leaving it all up to probability. 
Math was never my strongest subject, all my life labeled a walking liability. 
Moving on hasn’t been easy but I am pretty good at adapting. 
My motives are always genuine, that is why I know that you are acting. 

Ketchup seems arbitrary, this hot dog was never real- 
Socializing what's the point? Notoriously the fifth wheel.   
It is cheaper to get an 8th of shrooms than fill up my gas tank.
I'll travel in my head again, I am not trying to break the bank.  

​-Ash