Ash Wednesday! I Deserve A Better Goodbye

​I Deserve A Better Goodbye
Written By: Ash Catcher 

I used to think I didn't belong anywhere 
But now I think I am just addicted to fresh starts. 
When the scenery gets too monotonous for me, 
I just get that itching to part with half my belongings and head off in search of something new. 
I learned to leave now in search of something, never someone. 
I'll never move and uproot my life again for another person. 
That version of me is no longer recognized. 
Over time we get hardwired differently. 

I deserve a better goodbye. 
I deserve a better goodbye. 

I only can process proximity through this every so often. 
It is fucking daunting to move.
I never received that postcard in the mail. 
I never got that apology. 
I never say goodbye, just good luck.
As if I actually believed my presence mattered. 
And I just don't get recast in the same roll telling myself every night
... "Maybe this time it's going to be a bit different…" 

But I refuse to water myself down just so you can try and attempt to digest me better. 
You can choke. 
I am a river my dude, I go in one direction, with the flow. 
Never backwards, steady on, not weighed down by your own undoing. 

I deserve a better goodbye. 
I deserve a better goodbye. 

If you just tried to wade in my waters I would be forever grateful; 
But I would also be so taken back and close right back the fuck up. 
Locked up tight, cool, calm and encumbered. 
Look man if I could, I would. 

I deserved more than what I get/got. 
So I keep my expectations scary low. 
I am starving. 
And I am so malnourished, and cannot survive on crumbs anymore. 



I deserve a better goodbye. 



- ash