Ash Wednesday! Elemental

Elemental
Written By: Ash Catcher

​Lately, I have been waking from that not so great sleep
I may have been faking it a little bit, I am overcompensating with a little too much weed. 
The water cup graveyard by my bed lays stagnant, and way too still.  
Taking way too many painkillers,  for my liking, I am beyond thrilled. 

Everything always hurts, and I am about to crash again, I can feel myself spiraling down. 
Thinking about how good grippy socks, padded locked rooms, and hospital gowns. 
They could be all the rage for fall, I catch myself thinking all too many times this year.
You know it's my favorite time of year, but October is also when that damn seasonal depression appears. 

That is when things start to get a little funny... 
You see  I got to soak my ass in hella water, hot as anything, almost scalding. 
Flowing in and out of consciousness, I just love making little waves.
Dissociating, and easily distracted, I have been like this for decades. 

Going from zero to 100. 
All good, for a few moments late at night,  then declining during the day. I need some wonder drugs. 
Some days I let my meds steal the show, run on autopilot. I am less clumsy, and a disaster.   
Mask all the symptoms, I should have been an actor. 

Earth grounds me and it can be pretty hard hitting.  
I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen for all these special nature spots. I am not admitting. 
These well visited places seem to be repeated all with different people, and other storylines.  
I would not have the caves I have these days if it was not for the steady inclines. 

Air gets trapped in my lungs, but I am used to choking on nothing. 
But the lump in my throat when I am next to you is not even worth discussing. 
Absent minded, gone within an instant, always hidden in the corner of my eye. 
Crafted, haunted, easily, forever waking up with a mouth that is dry. 

Lastly, fire- I have been using you to purify my space. 
I am not sure how many incenses I have lit this week, I cannot wait to get out of this place. 
This fucking house feels like a tomb, of all the things and people I thought I knew. 
Lastly fire destroys all evidence, which leaves no evidence, nothing to show, nothing is misconstrue.

Just ash is left.   


- A.C.