Coffee & Astrology
Written By: Ash Catcher
Coffee crazy Cancer
Trying to keep it all together.
House of cuppery, losing sanity.
Master of all profanity.
People pleasing Pisces.
Nostalgic necrophilia psycho killer.
Can never decide what to order.
Stuck in a dreamland of disorder.
Scorpio put down the espresso.
Coked out, riding out of their minds writing raving manifestos.
Yea we know you’re so intense.
But out of all the water signs you’re just the most stubborn, and dense.
Gemini is torn between two drinks.
Trying to combine the two.
What is the truth? What do each of you want?
Each side shows a different truth.
Loose lisp Libras thought you would go for the tea.
Throws a curveball at me, and orders a Pepsi.
Still Trending, dysfunctional kazoo.
Not too sure what to do with you.
Aquarius is on the phone, and sends me a google invite.
To talk about my plans for “ A Real Job.” Not sure if it is in spite of for the latter.
But that is the thing with air signs On to the next thing
Like to float around, never settling, I admire that directional swing.
Virgo is in the corner categorizing the sugar packets.
Shaking them so they all fit evenly, causing quite a racket.
Lining them up, now I know you thrive on patterns.
"Guess I should bring up something irrelevant that doesn’t matter.”
Capricorn is attempting to organize all the Matthew’s in their phone.
Best of luck with that endeavor, they’re all just a bunch of bros.
Cold Brew like personality.
Can tell a lot about a man, by asking how they feel about police brutality.
Taurus is trying to survey the whole room, reading it at their best.
Honest to a fault they are without a doubt some of my favorite guests.
They always love conversation, and always hold up the line.
My Ace up my sleeve, my fast tract to the spiritual realm and their timing always devine.
Aries, showing up where they are not welcomed.
Keeping the conversation always short and seldom.
Casual indifference, bitchy little vibes, you think you are my only middle aged balding Aries.
If I could rename your sign I would change it to Larry.
Leo has a latte.
That screams red flags, it’s a hot day.
Milking underdeveloped mediocrity.
And I am not trying to capture the flag, more focused on this cappuccino’s topography.
Sagittarius, last but not least let me take a guess, you want something spontaneous, and sweet.
A Carmel Macchiato, good fucking god no drink should ever exceed 8oz. Why do you insist on mods?
Tripe the liquid, oh wow cause you’re so fun and a flirt.
That is nice and all, but you never last, and just so you know later all that dairy is gonna hurt.
This is what I can assume each astrological sign would act if they went for coffee.
How would they interact with one another, would they act nice or cocky.
My co-workers like to casually throw around sun signs.
Lots of personalities and coffee combined.
I am sure I can guess your drink order, and sign.