Ash Wednesday! Ash Pending…..
Written By: Ash Catcher
There have been a ton of updates, and even more that crashed and burned.
RIP the versions of me that were too weak to have returned.
Forget the parts of me that I had to rewire, all the thoughts in my brain.
Try to be the very best versions of myself, but I could never compare to Loraine.
In 2015 I thought cyber punk ash was top tier.
Bright pink hair, deep in that matrix goggled look- always cheering with beer.
But now fast forward a few years, I swapped those goggles for glasses cause I am almost thirty.
Can’t drink coffee after 2pm, if I do not have decaf, I’ll have green tea.
It's crazy what time does to you when you’re young.
Now that it's passed, wow sometimes it amazes me what I harbor on, and get fixated on.
Everything hurts all of a sudden and I am obsessed with products containing retinol.
Knots sprinkled throughout my back, pretty sure there is one the size of a golf ball.
When I was younger I missed out on a huge part of my childhood.
But it's okay because 30 something is obsessed with furniture that is wicker and teak wood.
I've never been one to brag, but I may have been onto something that wasn’t so bad.
Working through my teens, skipping out on stupid things like prom, got to be an early college grad.
Tearing through “dream jobs”, and “dream people” till I took a good long look at myself in the mirror.
To me it’s the pretty consistent complacency, life is pretty much the same as it was, I just maybe a little queerer.
No more kicking it with the people who stood by in silence when there was a civil war inside my head
Not to get off topic but the worst food to bring to a picnic according to this one woman I know is French Bread.
I feel half finished, forever pending.
This voice in my head tonight is fucking unrelenting.
Picking apart my life, like that one time when I was five.
There are some days where I think someone just needs to blow on my hard drive.
Anything to set me back settings: factory.
Why the fuck do I keep seeing signs about blackberries?
And the other shit the subtle light codes.
Sometimes if I am quiet enough I can- nah who am I kidding I am just stoned.
Feelings exploding, a mile a minute- the waves of feelings are making me seasick from the start.
I am sure the milkshakes taste different in Ohio, although they are known for their yogurt.
Slowing down, but I wish there was more effort.
The communications dried up, and I had no idea 40 miles was the desert.
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