Ash Wednesday! Ash If! Childhood Bedrooms Frozen In The Mid 2000’s

Written By: Ash Catcher 

( Myself in 2010) WAY before tattoos. 


You know what I do not understand, parents who leave their adult child’s room immortalized in time. Like every room I see  is a time capsule of hard 2005 - 2010  vibes. Think Teen Vogue encapsulated in a teenage girl's room, who in reality is married, and a doctor…. Like why my parents could not wait to turn my room into a guest bedroom- or better yet my younger sibling was stoked to get my ensuite bathroom.  I pet sat recently, and I had this weird little realization, you know, staying in a former sorority girls room has it’s weird vibes to it.


 Here were some conclusions I came to during my extended stay: 
This happens any time I go to the suburbs. 

1. You love to shop, I thought I had a lot of clothes. But they are not unique items- you want to fit in like in a box, you want people to like you, you want to be like everyone else. I am waiting to see the designer handbags stuffed under your bed, hmmmm nothing underneath interesting. You have a doctorate, you know how to hide things not in plain sight. 
2. The books you read, when I can find ones that are not for your medical studies are bland and how many copies of Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants does one need really. 
3. I see traces of your college self, I am sure it provides you with the same security that it did in College- you are the type of person to throw money at a problem and hope that it solves it- science right. You pay for friends, I think that is weird. Friends forever, my little my big- my superior, my heart hurts for you that you don't see yourself as equal to other women. 
4. KAPPA DELTA PHI SIGMA SIGMA MU GAMMA all sound like barn animal noises. 
5. The amount of  Teen Fiction that I have come across tonight in addition to copies of The Great Gatsby is absurd. 
6. Why so many trophies? SoftBall, Volleyball, all the balls, it is just plastic, you get validation from plastic people and things. You went to camp for fun, and never had to work and go to school at the same time because I can tell by your room, they gave you everything. 
7. Coach Bags, Tiffany Jewelry, heck this room looks like it belongs to a middle school girl in 2006, everything Is left perfectly as it is, you're oddly clean but you have a lot of things. 
8. Why are you obsessed with smelling so good? Channel, Trussardi, Diesel, Marc Jacobs Daisy, That DKNY apple thing why do I feel like I have slipped into an alternate dimension or at the very least one of those perfume ads with a bit of the product engulfing it. No wonder teen magazines have that nostalgic smell- its capitalism baby. 

 I need to leave this teen vogue scene. 

Xoxo Gossip Squirrel