Ash Wednesday! A Little Tower Moment

​ A Little Tower Moment
Written By: Ash Catcher 

Salutations psychotics masterminds! 
Power play with me till I bleed across your social constructed operating table - I mean middle school cafeteria. 
Pull my heartstrings like taffy till my organs are past my knees. 
Down on the floor- now I may not come off as sentimental in the least 
But this nasty scar that runs past my veins and  has begun to AOL slowly drip dry download into my overworked heart 
This shit hurts, I am tired of aching, I am stretched so thin I keep visibly shaking. 
It's been ripped apart before, dismantled for others amusement- but this time seems different.  
Does love ( for others and for myself)  require an ethernet cable to upload efficiently? 

Because this shit is taking forever.
And some days my alignment and frequency are too high to come off my ego driven show. 
So involved and aware why I do things- I am my only critic and advisory. 
Always dishing advice out, but starving myself when it comes to taking it. 
I would rather procrastinate and over think. 
Make the small things seem extra big each week. 

And then the subtle familiarity creeps in… 
You dematerialized at dinner, and I started to dissociate,  like my 160+ gigs of music on my iPod Touch gone in an instant.  
Fuck now what am I gonna listen to now? 
Who will manipulate all these strings coming out of my back? 
More importantly, are we still having pancakes for breakfast tomorrow? 

I try to fill this black hole up- but I think the cement I am using must be expired. 
Nothing plugs up this nothingness- It's growing, but not infinite that would be overreacting. 
You just love overreacting- nope that is just me finally expressing how I feel of years of silence. 
I’ll be the judge of who is hysterical. 
I’ll just show you a fuck ton of indifference; there that should do it. 

I hate feeling so salty. 
Everything breaks easily, I always hurt. 
I don’t feel like leaving my house most days. 
I am manifesting something better- looking at some places in the deserts. 

I can't do another winter here- it may just damn near obliterate me. 
Looking at other avenues, maybe I'll end up floating in The Dead Sea.
Only slightly terrified of what I want to do next. 
Hoping for some positivity- obsessed with space lately, and solar apexes.

​

-Ash ​