Written By: Ash Catcher
1. I'm not going to teach you Photoshop. I am not photoshopping your head onto someone else's body either. Or drawing your portrait. When I'm with you, I don't want to look at your likeness, I want to actually be with you.
2. Don't assume our jobs are easy. Creative work is actually the hardest a lot of the time because our success and failure is a matter of someone else's opinion, not hard facts, numbers, and spreadsheets. (But I am damn glad that spreadsheets aren't a meaningful part of my life.)
3. Drawing nude models is not weird or kinky or sexual or threatening in any way. It's about fundamentals. If you can't stand the idea of me looking at naked people for extended periods of time, remember that you watch porn, which actually is sexual.
4. No, I don't want to go up to your room and draw you naked. I'm not Leonardo DiCaprio, you're not Kate Winslet, and our relationship isn't Titanic.
5. I just might give you a long lecture on why you should never write any email in Comic Sans. Ever. Comic Sans is the devil's work. Do not let it wreak its havoc on that which you create. Especially when that which you create is destined for my inbox.
6. I'm going to call colors by their proper names so get over it. Chartreuse. Mauve. Burnt Sienna.
7. I will probably ask you at some point if the bottle on the table is water or paint thinner. It's an important distinction — do you want me to drink paint thinner?!
8. I am really picky about the lighting and filters on everyone's Instagram photos. So don't expect me to just snap something and toss it up. Instagram is going to take me time. On the upside, I'll save you from posting terrible ones!
9. Sketchbook = my baby. Do not mess. Do not touch. Don't ask me to draw you. I cannot draw hands.
10. The way you may collect video games or stamps or whatever it is you're into is how we collect pens. Some women dream of a walk-in closet for shoes. I dream of a walk-in closet for art supplies.
11. I am ruled by my ~*feELinGsS*~. Sometimes, feelings > logical thinking. ( and the moon I am a cancer with a scorpio moon )
12. To process those feelings, I probably need a little space sometimes. But don't worry, I'll be right back. Usually in an hour or two after some coffee or carbs I am back to my normal self.
13. I will never have a manicure that lasts more than a few hours. Our hands are for creating things, not looking pretty. Also I will definitely show up to dinner with ink/paint/clay under my fingernails more than once. It's not dirt, it's art. I will also break nails in front of you and then tear them off. It's fake, they are ok.
14. The most romantic movie scene of all time is the pottery wheel scene in Ghost. Don't even think about arguing with me on this. I have been teaching ceramics for 7 years now.
15. My appearance is an extension of my creativity so expect me to take serious style risks! Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Also, know that no matter what you think of it, I will try every hair length and hair color I can think of. In fact, I've probably had all lengths and all colors in my hair at one point. So I hope your mom isn't the kind of woman who is freaked out by such a thing.
16. "Normal" is the worst thing you could call me. I like to stand out and be different. So call me a rare flower or even a friggin' thumbprint — anything that has no duplicate is all right by me. I'll settle for Squirrels.
17. I love new experiences, and inspiration. I'm always looking for a new adventure and want someone who will take me on many.
18. I hate authority, and value freedom. Fuck the State.
19. I am a daydreamer and like to fantasize. You'll like how this translates to the bedroom…
20. Starving artist jokes are not funny. Especially if we are looking for work.
21. If you watch Bob Ross with me, I will love you forever.
22. And no, I won't make you a logo. Your idea has been done 100 times.
See Ya Next Week!
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