By Ash Catcher
W hat was your first impression of me? What did you think when we first met? I thought you were weird.
E verything I told you was the truth. I trusted you too easily. I should have known. You reminded me of him.
N ever on the same page it seems, I am a chapter or two ahead. I am always in a rush and you take months to finish something.
E ither of us gonna cave and say something? I feel you linked to me. What the fuck is going on? I’ve never felt like this.
E lectric is how I would describe this feeling. I think you rely too much on technology, I wonder if you have feelings. Maybe that's why you run.
D id you not learn how to express your feelings for another person? do you love yourself? I do. Show me. Your move, chicken shit.
T amper, someone is tampering with this connection. I was having trouble with my 5G/5D signal, better reception by you, and more to do.
O bscure, that would be something that we both can agree on. Why were you always trying to be in competition with me? I supported, and loved you. It wasn’t mutual.
T angible, I wish that was how things were. We seem to always be up in the clouds. I like the sky, it's pretty here. I look up every day. You should, too.
A bandoned, that's how I feel, and I have every right to be- you took all my stuff, broke my trust, and split. How does that look? Not so good.
L acerated, you fucking cut through people like I do. I should keep an eye on that one. I’ll address that on Tuesday in therapy.
K illjoy? No that wasn’t me. I did nothing but love and support you, I still do, I am just not going to tell you that to your face. Nice subtlety, how's your sobriety? I thought I saw you stumble out the door the other night. Guess you still need to get your mind right.
By: Ash Catcher
I wanted to share some of my current pieces with you guys. This year has been incredibly hard on everyone, I am dying for a fucking hug, and I want things to just go back to as normal as possible. So please enjoy these two poems, Ill catch ya next Wednesday with something more meatless- y er.
sleep in since you can’t go out let your body decide what time the
day begins with a cup of tea settle into breakfast and spoon the
morning news down your throat while the kettle boils again
because you’ll need more caffeine if you mean to survive all
of the nothing on your to do list hanging hostile on the wall
paint on your eyebrows so you recognize yourself in the glass but
not the mascara that you know you won’t want to remove (though
you’ll have plenty of time) when it’s late and your eyes are closing
like every door and window in this necessary cell
pace the hallway lap the table tread the carpet cross the threshold
into insanity or (worse) apathy and turn to start again slowly tiptoe
towards the kitchen sinking feeling filling space in the stomach
you wish was as empty as this gray monotonous day full of
ambiguous unfulfilled hungers and unsatiated longings
scour room by room for hook or loom or else (to still shaking
hands) thread a needle and fill the fabric with enough stitches so
your mind stops unraveling in panic and tangling in paranoia
curse the dullness call home light the fuse let the countdown linger
hang up just before detonation run for cover savor the
dullness but only until realizing your haven too is home to a
grenade so run to find higher ground crawl deeper into the fissure of yourself
find the silver linings in the bullets piercing bone and marrow:
though your mind is a warzone the house has never been cleaner if
you get sick at least you’ll have an excuse not to eat dinner saving
money on gas means you can afford your therapy copays you
never were the biggest fan of social interaction anyway
Someone’s mother died from this virus,
and then it was someone’s son,
a brother, then a sister
and yet there were none,
who passed from this world,
with a loved one by their side,
to hear their last words,
and share their last cry.
They all died alone,
surrounded by strangers in masks,
all behind plastic shields,
performing their tasks,
and though they were caring,
they were not family,
who were prevented from being there,
due to COVID-19
this Corona insanity,
disrupting our lives,
impairing our humanity,
even altering death,
and how it’s observed,
as morgues replace a ceremony,
that each of them,
With not a soul at graveside,
to say farewell,
no mass gathering after burial,
in this deadly viral Hell,
where social distance
is the intimacy of the day,
while a suffering human race
expresses their dismay.
So, a mother of 83
and a daughter of 48,
and the father of three small children,
leave this world
yet still await,
and mournful tears,
of the people they so loved,
who were all kept far away,
by this scourge
I’m speaking of…
And each with the same obit,
where it is duly noted,
that in the year,
due to COVID.
Hey guys! Happy Wednesday! Let’s play Ketchup:
So some cool stuff has been happening to me, and it’s not what you’re thinking! I have an art show this friday! I am actually super stoked about it. It is at The art Parlor, up in Frenchtown NJ, at 6pm. It's a tribute to death, and all that halloween spooky season weather. I am not sure about you but anytime I am not working I am cuddled up on the couch watching something scary. Tis the season! Anyway I wanted to take this opportunity to post some updates.
Monday marked my 2nd full year abstaining from alcohol. I got to say I not only feel amazing for achieving that but that was something I wasn’t really aware I was struggling with until I, well, actually acknowledged it. I have a lot of friends who are doing Sober October, and I think that is fantastic. But like at that point you have a month under your belt, fuck it go for 2 or 5 or 6 or just quit forever. There are some things that you just need to learn to stay away from. That's being an adult yo.
So I wrote a short piece about how important it is to drink water, and whatnot: Enjoy!
Just drink water, it doesn't turn you into an asshole
I take you around the whole town,
And when I forget you I feel all down.
Groggy foggy, I don't feel so good.
It’s not because of the lack of food.
No, I know what it is!
I forgot my hydro flask at work.
The last time it happened I fucking went berserk.
I made it home, then turned around.
Because I think I like the suction sound.
The water flowing down my throat,
I try my best not to choke.
At the party, or at work.
My hydro flask makes me feel like not a jerk.
It’s my sign, and I love it so.
When I don't drink water I feel super low.
Eating is fine, it’s just okay.
I guess this feeling is here to stay.
by Ash Catcher
So it's kinda public knowledge at this point that I may or may not have some parental issues lets sort to say. I am very nonchalant, and open about it cause like what are you gonna do, reconcile? This goes beyond just our last encounter back in March, Not bloody likely. My parents and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, I am the only one in my family that has tattoos, yada yada okay fast forward to present. I am hiking in the woods and I had a thought, and not to get off topic but I get a lot of good ideas when I am out in nature. I think to myself… [italics]Hmmmm Ash you know what you should do with that voicemail your dad left you around the end of September after not talking to you for almost 6 months during a worldwide pandemic, tries to make a half assed attempt to reach out for the umpteenth time, WITHOUT APOLOGIZING???? What is this? Ash, what the perfect interlude for a bad ass spoken word piece. I know, not the best topic to debut my recorded poetry chops, but I am using what I got. I asked my friend if she would put the voicemail to some dreamy guitar, and add a little tongue drum to it, ( Something I randomly acquired) and we made something together.
The whole process took about a week and a half to write, mix, and master, and I got to say my friend knows what she is doing. It’s on Spotify now, and Apple Music but Apple haven’t you taken enough of my music? I have to say though it feels really fucking good to have this out, I have gotten some pretty positive feed back, and yeah its not the most happy topic, but its something that is important to me and as an artist it was important to start off on something that most people my age can relate to. It is hard to maintain a relationship with a parent especially when you’re growing up and becoming an adult. Your exposure to the world shapes your thoughts and beliefs that can often combat the way you were raised, or not. I am so happy that I got to collaborate with an amazing talented artist that helped share a story with me. I am not the most outgoing person when it comes to art, so for me this was like yea in theory this would be great! But to actually make it happen is a whole other story.
I think that spoken word doesn’t get nearly enough attention, and as someone who is I guess we can say multifaceted when it comes to art this is an avenue I really want to explore more. I am trying to write more, I just don't want things to feel forced. There is a lot of thought and love put into my work and content. If it sounds like I am bragging, well good, I sort of am? I am proud of the amount of work I put into promoting myself, my art, and my friends, work. My all female digital publication Atomic Tampon is growing exponentially. I feel that it is personally important to address how badass women are. I think that society tends to gloss over women owned businesses. It is great that I live in a place that has so many awesome women who not only own their own business, do art, and music as well. I am so blessed to be a part of something more and bigger than myself.
Please check out Leia. It’s a little long but the message is there. The music and mastering is awesome, and yea I was a bit nervous putting something out so personal so if you’re coming at me with constructive criticism keep it to yourself. I am only accepting positive vibes ,ya dig!
Until next Wednesday, Squares.
Listen to Leia on Spotify: