Ash Wednesday! Playing with Myself: an interview by myself, for myself. A Covid Friendly Interview11/25/2020 
See ya next Wednesday!
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"Glove Box"
Written By: Ash Catcher I'll keep you hidden with me, C’mon let's go for a ride. Hide that shit deep deep down. A place for all the lies. Expired insurance cards, parking violations too. Every crappy kind of spontaneous art, yea I got that it’s true. Deodorant that is glued shut. Honestly I am not sure why I keep this stuff. Old checks from jobs I left months ago. I always move on too quickly. If I shove anything else inside this thing, it’s gonna blow. I know my car can be a tad bit messy, but I swear that's not a fish stick. Open me up when you get pulled over, because Ash you always go too fast. Write a song about your laugh, play it off like it’s just a crash. I never mean anything to anyone. Until I am two states away. So c’mon get in lets go for a ride. We got some work to do. There is much to see, and much to say. But in my glovebox I choose to stay. Violate my privacy, and let’s see how that goes. I can't stand 76’ lack of traffic flow. It’s my least favorite part about driving Ky around. Pre Owned MINI shaking with sound. My speaker may have busted out. But I have something else that I keep inside, hidden from the fallout. Old CD’s of past tours, my heart still kinda hits the car floor. I am not sure if I want to sneak a listen, open that door. It’s been closed, and sealed with tape, and more. Locks, on locks, call it extravagant. I call that shit hardcore. I'll keep you hidden with me, C’mon let's go for a ride. Hide that shit deep deep down. A place for all the lies. A glovebox to hold all the junk in my life. Extra bra and underwear, and a bread knife. Random shit, I don't know why I own. My sanctuary from myself, when I travel long distances, and alone. By Ash Catcher  The distant park
Was a graveyard of dead stars. Each streetlight a system of worlds, So many lives between each mote of light, Indistinguishable in their unique love, Bespoke hate, and the drama of the modern age. Drunk laughter behind transparency Double doors. Another hotel balcony, Another cloud behind the canopy Of marijuana eyes To unsettle me from the crowd. She points out, when you look closely You can see the disorder Amongst all constellations Of life and love and litter; Of discarded Coke cans And temporary highs. I wonder what would happen If we all stood still. If we all took one moment To observe the motion That unfolds beneath Our static windowsill. She says this is not a scene To the bullshit of a present mind, More to joke at the incompletion of it all. Of one thousand to-do lists; A million reasons why I can't, or I’ll do it tomorrow. You should just stay inside. [ One alter says] She says you can see the human swell Of ignorance, our city lights Blotting out the stars In a black ocean of broken politics And irretrievable fault lines- Divisions between us all. But I think I see a finish line. Lives twisted with semi professional smiles This is just my day job but at NIGHT I am a… And eyes lit with stunning indifference. We are just waiting for our turn to speak. Still, I have felt charity, and warmth On the doorstep of lunatics, and fascists. I have read the love of life In faces of those who gave up. I have recounted countless artists Who saw beauty in an empty glass. In moments that precisely lacked it. I have spent too many nights In anaesthesia, Fleeing each instance of feeling And terror; all the tremors That tell me I am still alive. Continued to stare at the lights Long after the voice And the laughter inside had gone. I always struggled to leave the party. Heard waves in the traffic. It drowns out the domestic violence that I have been hearing. A world so large, so expansive, It can never truly sleep. Every broken heart, Every war-torn land, Every promotion, Every one-night stand. I wonder what would happen If we all stood still. If we all took one moment To observe the motion That unfolds beneath Our static windowsill. If we all took one moment To recover our loss. The wars that we won, The feelings, forgot. The hell we retain; Our paradise, lost. Ash Catcher I just came up on my 2 yrs of sobriety from alcohol, and I know I should like a broken record but I firmly believe that You don't just abstain from alcohol you abstain from the people that encourage you to use it as a crutch. And boy have I lost alot of friends over the fact I refuse to use alcohol as a crutch and an escape from my problems and the world's. Fuck your safety bubble and crutches there is nothing more empowering then being stone cold sober and seeing people still stuck in these cycles of abusing substances. Dont get me wrong I like to escape now and again too. But I am not gonna down a six pack, I am going to take a walk or a hike instead. Abstaining from alcohol was one of the best choices I have ever made. I've finally came to the conclusion I tolerated way too much of peoples disrespect in the past, made excuses for their poor behaviors, and continued to put others above myself. I would never do that again. My sobriety has shown me that while I am a constant factor in my life, it was others habits that I adopted as my own that were hindering me from achieving everything I wanted to.  Reality is what you make it so why alter it with alcohol there are literally 1000000 other better things to do with your time. I no longer entertain low vibrational people who refuse to change and address their issues. Its freed up alot of time for me to pursue my art, new passions, and travel. I am most likely never going to touch another alcoholic beverage ever again.
I'll see you next Wednesday!  By Ash Catcher
W hat was your first impression of me? What did you think when we first met? I thought you were weird. E verything I told you was the truth. I trusted you too easily. I should have known. You reminded me of him. N ever on the same page it seems, I am a chapter or two ahead. I am always in a rush and you take months to finish something. E ither of us gonna cave and say something? I feel you linked to me. What the fuck is going on? I’ve never felt like this. E lectric is how I would describe this feeling. I think you rely too much on technology, I wonder if you have feelings. Maybe that's why you run. D id you not learn how to express your feelings for another person? do you love yourself? I do. Show me. Your move, chicken shit. T amper, someone is tampering with this connection. I was having trouble with my 5G/5D signal, better reception by you, and more to do. O bscure, that would be something that we both can agree on. Why were you always trying to be in competition with me? I supported, and loved you. It wasn’t mutual. T angible, I wish that was how things were. We seem to always be up in the clouds. I like the sky, it's pretty here. I look up every day. You should, too. A bandoned, that's how I feel, and I have every right to be- you took all my stuff, broke my trust, and split. How does that look? Not so good. L acerated, you fucking cut through people like I do. I should keep an eye on that one. I’ll address that on Tuesday in therapy. K illjoy? No that wasn’t me. I did nothing but love and support you, I still do, I am just not going to tell you that to your face. Nice subtlety, how's your sobriety? I thought I saw you stumble out the door the other night. Guess you still need to get your mind right.  By: Ash Catcher I wanted to share some of my current pieces with you guys. This year has been incredibly hard on everyone, I am dying for a fucking hug, and I want things to just go back to as normal as possible. So please enjoy these two poems, Ill catch ya next Wednesday with something more meatless- y er. -Ash Catcher  “Spoon Fed”
Ash Catcher sleep in since you can’t go out let your body decide what time the day begins with a cup of tea settle into breakfast and spoon the morning news down your throat while the kettle boils again because you’ll need more caffeine if you mean to survive all of the nothing on your to do list hanging hostile on the wall paint on your eyebrows so you recognize yourself in the glass but not the mascara that you know you won’t want to remove (though you’ll have plenty of time) when it’s late and your eyes are closing like every door and window in this necessary cell pace the hallway lap the table tread the carpet cross the threshold into insanity or (worse) apathy and turn to start again slowly tiptoe towards the kitchen sinking feeling filling space in the stomach you wish was as empty as this gray monotonous day full of ambiguous unfulfilled hungers and unsatiated longings scour room by room for hook or loom or else (to still shaking hands) thread a needle and fill the fabric with enough stitches so your mind stops unraveling in panic and tangling in paranoia curse the dullness call home light the fuse let the countdown linger hang up just before detonation run for cover savor the dullness but only until realizing your haven too is home to a grenade so run to find higher ground crawl deeper into the fissure of yourself find the silver linings in the bullets piercing bone and marrow: though your mind is a warzone the house has never been cleaner if you get sick at least you’ll have an excuse not to eat dinner saving money on gas means you can afford your therapy copays you never were the biggest fan of social interaction anyway “Pan-dramatic” Ash Catcher Someone’s mother died from this virus, and then it was someone’s son, a brother, then a sister and yet there were none, who passed from this world, with a loved one by their side, to hear their last words, and share their last cry. They all died alone, surrounded by strangers in masks, all behind plastic shields, performing their tasks, and though they were caring, they were not family, who were prevented from being there, due to COVID-19 This pandemic, this plague, this Corona insanity, disrupting our lives, impairing our humanity, even altering death, and how it’s observed, as morgues replace a ceremony, that each of them, deserved. With not a soul at graveside, standing close, to say farewell, no mass gathering after burial, in this deadly viral Hell, where social distance not embrace, is the intimacy of the day, while a suffering human race expresses their dismay. So, a mother of 83 and a daughter of 48, and the father of three small children, leave this world yet still await, the goodbyes, and mournful tears, of the people they so loved, who were all kept far away, by this scourge I’m speaking of… And each with the same obit, where it is duly noted, that in the year, two-thousand twenty, they expired, due to COVID. Hey guys! Happy Wednesday! Let’s play Ketchup: So some cool stuff has been happening to me, and it’s not what you’re thinking! I have an art show this friday! I am actually super stoked about it. It is at The art Parlor, up in Frenchtown NJ, at 6pm. It's a tribute to death, and all that halloween spooky season weather. I am not sure about you but anytime I am not working I am cuddled up on the couch watching something scary. Tis the season! Anyway I wanted to take this opportunity to post some updates. Monday marked my 2nd full year abstaining from alcohol. I got to say I not only feel amazing for achieving that but that was something I wasn’t really aware I was struggling with until I, well, actually acknowledged it. I have a lot of friends who are doing Sober October, and I think that is fantastic. But like at that point you have a month under your belt, fuck it go for 2 or 5 or 6 or just quit forever. There are some things that you just need to learn to stay away from. That's being an adult yo. So I wrote a short piece about how important it is to drink water, and whatnot: Enjoy! Just drink water, it doesn't turn you into an asshole  -Ash
Hydro- Glitchics. I take you around the whole town, And when I forget you I feel all down. Groggy foggy, I don't feel so good. It’s not because of the lack of food. No, I know what it is! I forgot my hydro flask at work. The last time it happened I fucking went berserk. I made it home, then turned around. Because I think I like the suction sound. The water flowing down my throat, I try my best not to choke. At the party, or at work. My hydro flask makes me feel like not a jerk. It’s my sign, and I love it so. When I don't drink water I feel super low. Eating is fine, it’s just okay. I guess this feeling is here to stay. Ash Catcher by Ash Catcher So it's kinda public knowledge at this point that I may or may not have some parental issues lets sort to say. I am very nonchalant, and open about it cause like what are you gonna do, reconcile? This goes beyond just our last encounter back in March, Not bloody likely. My parents and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, I am the only one in my family that has tattoos, yada yada okay fast forward to present. I am hiking in the woods and I had a thought, and not to get off topic but I get a lot of good ideas when I am out in nature. I think to myself… [italics]Hmmmm Ash you know what you should do with that voicemail your dad left you around the end of September after not talking to you for almost 6 months during a worldwide pandemic, tries to make a half assed attempt to reach out for the umpteenth time, WITHOUT APOLOGIZING???? What is this? Ash, what the perfect interlude for a bad ass spoken word piece. I know, not the best topic to debut my recorded poetry chops, but I am using what I got. I asked my friend if she would put the voicemail to some dreamy guitar, and add a little tongue drum to it, ( Something I randomly acquired) and we made something together.  The whole process took about a week and a half to write, mix, and master, and I got to say my friend knows what she is doing. It’s on Spotify now, and Apple Music but Apple haven’t you taken enough of my music? I have to say though it feels really fucking good to have this out, I have gotten some pretty positive feed back, and yeah its not the most happy topic, but its something that is important to me and as an artist it was important to start off on something that most people my age can relate to. It is hard to maintain a relationship with a parent especially when you’re growing up and becoming an adult. Your exposure to the world shapes your thoughts and beliefs that can often combat the way you were raised, or not. I am so happy that I got to collaborate with an amazing talented artist that helped share a story with me. I am not the most outgoing person when it comes to art, so for me this was like yea in theory this would be great! But to actually make it happen is a whole other story. I think that spoken word doesn’t get nearly enough attention, and as someone who is I guess we can say multifaceted when it comes to art this is an avenue I really want to explore more. I am trying to write more, I just don't want things to feel forced. There is a lot of thought and love put into my work and content. If it sounds like I am bragging, well good, I sort of am? I am proud of the amount of work I put into promoting myself, my art, and my friends, work. My all female digital publication Atomic Tampon is growing exponentially. I feel that it is personally important to address how badass women are. I think that society tends to gloss over women owned businesses. It is great that I live in a place that has so many awesome women who not only own their own business, do art, and music as well. I am so blessed to be a part of something more and bigger than myself. Please check out Leia. It’s a little long but the message is there. The music and mastering is awesome, and yea I was a bit nervous putting something out so personal so if you’re coming at me with constructive criticism keep it to yourself. I am only accepting positive vibes ,ya dig!
Until next Wednesday, Squares. -Ash Catcher Listen to Leia on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/14YwJiPgy2TXGflMTh9KvO?si=iZvInv01QtSDVdQ6VuzHCg Written By: Ash Catcher Happy Fall! It’s one of my all time favorite times of the year, and I am not talking about pumpkin picking, and rocking hella sweaters, hats, and jackets, I am talking what's underneath all those layers, baby! TATTOO SEASON! So let's begin with a breakdown of all my current, and upcoming tattoos! WaterColor Mermaid on my left inner arm: This was my first tattoo. It was also one of my graduating art projects in my art class at the time. I was fresh out of college and felt the need to memorialize a piece of my art on my body, self centered? You bet your ass, but I was 22 at the time and already toyed with the idea of a tattoo for a long ass time, I wanted something subtle and looked enough like a watercolor painting. A Beehive on my Sternum: Not a lot if people know I have this one. It's a bit like a bonus tattoo? Only a select few have seen these bad bois. I love bees because they represent their hard work ethic and sense of community. That is something I live and die by when it comes to my work, it could be a 9 to 5 or just a piece of art work I put in my all, and I don’t stop until everything is finished to my liking. Russian Nesting Doll on my upper right thigh: Fun fact, I speak Russian and I have for almost 10 years, I am not the best at it but I am very proud of my heritage, and my ability to be semi fluent in another language, I love the food, culture and I really like the fact I have something from my childhood to memorialize my love for all Russian Stuff!  The Cape May Lighthouse on my left shin: I spend a fair amount of time at the beach during the summer, as a result I get mad tan real quick, This light house was super significant to me when I went down to Cape May to spend a long weekend with some family friends, it represents hope, and faith in humanity and more importantly family. Family does not have to be blood, this was not a family family vacation I took to the shore, but at the time I considered them to be some of my closest friends and family. I felt the need to immortalize that. I choose my family now. I see the potential for growth, hence why most of my body is covered in flowers. A Small Sailboat on the back of my left Ankle: I tend to sail through life. This was my first Friday the 13th tattoo. I try to find something on the flash sheets that resonates with me. Joshua Tree California on my right shin: This WAS actually a family vacation I took with my family out to California. It was hands down one of my favorite times with my family. I was the happiest I have ever been when I was on the West Coast. I really want to go back soon! I loved the desert, and was so happy to finish up my shins with an East and West coast vibe. It took a lot of work and planning on my tattoo artist's part. He did a phenomenal job! A Power Up Mushroom From Mario on the back of my right ankle: Another Friday the 13ther, I love video games, I love the art, the puzzles, the challenges, the logic, the spooky ones, the cute ones, the cooking ones, all of it. I just think it's a huge waste of time waster. However a power up mushroom is what I got. I guess it represents growth and the ability to adapt to an unlikely or semi-unadaptable situation. I have had a lot of people doubt me in the past, just to come back and say they were sorry. I grow at my own pace, and if you can't get that, then exit out of my game. A huge ass Squirrel on my right arm: I am a jittery mother fucker, I just go all over from projects to jobs, to opportunities. I just want to do so much and I never want to say no to anything or anyone. I store a lot of information, things, records, clothes, I am a low key pack rat I guess you can say. If you ever helped me move, you know I got way too many books, and a huge collection of vinyl. I like my shit my way, I protect myself and my things, and I can't sit still for very long. I am just kinda a bit of a squirrel. It’s one of my tattoos that people always seem to exclaim out, “Hey is that a squirrel tattoo?” It's a conversation starter and a half, I even met someone the other day that also has a squirrel tattoo too! Needless to say we had to get a picture together. It is one of my bigger pieces and I love it immensely. A broken light bulb on my left outer forearm: I had a short period of time in my life last year where light bulbs would break around me, and in my hands. Just suddenly exploded next to me, I did some research on the internet and found some weird ass stuff. Look it up for sure by all means. This was a Friday the 13th flash guy too. I got it back in December, I was going through a hard time, and felt pretty broken, a broken light bulb seems to have no functioning purpose. It represents my seasonal depression, which is something I have quietly struggled with for a long ass time. It makes me feel broken and useless, and I can't be myself when I can't even get out of bed most days. I feel like the broken lightbulb represents my cognitive mental state at times, but things can always heal, grow back and get fixed. Nothing is ever permanent.  A Shell on my inner left arm: I am a cancer, and I am a pretty big believer in horoscopes, astrology, tarot, all that jazz. I got a shell tattoo because I keep up a huge front, I hide myself and my emotions from people in fear of getting hurt. A shell has a hard exterior, but they can be pretty fragile as well. The beach is something I love dearly, good luck getting me out of the water, trust me. I tend to seek out bodies of water in times of distress. There is something super cleansing and serene about being around a body of running water. It’s like an elemental reset. I collect rocks and shells, from all of my adventures. Shells represent protection and I tend to put up a lot of barriers. Plus grind up a shell, it becomes sand, it can transform, and adapt.
A Raven on my outer right wrist: I love poetry, so yea I love Edgar Alan Poe, The Raven is one of my favorite pieces of his. A raven can have dual meaning, it represents death, pain, misery, magic, and secrets. At the same time a raven can also mean protection, inner self, intelligence, memory, and wisdom. I got heck of that too! Upcoming Tattoo stay tuned for a picture I'll be posting! I’ll give you a hint it's one of my favorite animals ever, and something I am very passionate about. I’ll catch ya on the flip side! -Ash Catcher I, like most 20 somethings, ( I am a cool 28 actually.) have had my fair share of, let's just say, unconventional living situations. Some are worse than others; others were super cool.One of the most recent places I lived was haunted, and my neighbor didn’t even know my apartment was occupied until I was hauling my shit out by myself. There is an awesome story[,] too[,] where I lived on the third floor of a beautiful loft where all of these Russian speaking old ass people lived in this condominium, and ended up living with some random French guy and his “wife”. Just weird fucking shit, I know living situations for millennial are sometimes a bit strange, but I am pretty transient as it is. I just like cheap rent so sue me, and I am willing to live with strangers? I am not necessarily a fan but yo paying under 500 a month for rent is way too appalling. I'll do pretty much and live anywhere within reason.  So I thought I would share some shorter stories with you about some of my more interesting living situations: When I was 24, Turing 25 I lived above a flower shop in Hatboro, Pennsylvania. It was super cheap rent, probably one of the cheapest I have ever paid in my life, it also didn’t have a kitchen, or a washer, or a dryer, it barely had a real bathroom, it was actually two lawyer offices that were converted to a makeshift “Studio” apartment. It was really convenient tho. I had access to a whole town and could walk around wherever I like, which I am a huge fan of walking around. I also developed like a low key slight alcohol addiction being under .2 miles away from a local bar. Dude I just was all about trivia and red ales at the time, shit can't be helped but man did that get old quick. One of the worst years of my life. Was super thankful to move out and into a much better living situation. ORRRRRR SO I THOUGHT! Excuse the caps, but maybe not, I moved straight up into a fancy ass post soviet 1450 a month box. It was really pretty and had a wall of windows and some sick porches, I literally had a great time there, I didn’t give a fuck about my crazy ass neighbor after she came into my foyer, I finally had the $$$ to say I had a foyer and some crazy ass Russian lady was berating me for being too loud while moving in. Can anyone even quietly move in? I had some of the biggest parties in that place, once for my 27th birthday, and had some of the best sex of my life in that apartment. PLUS THE DECK! I love my back yard now, but something about a 3rd story porch smoking a cigarette really just appeals to me. …. and then that possible polyamorous French-Chinese couple moved into my room, when my roommate at the time decided to break her part of the lease. That kinda blew.  I lived with a bunch of other people from all walks of life, in college I lived with 3 sorority girls, believe it or not we all talk to each other still. I have been that girl, the semi-live in girlfriend that goes to their boyfriend's 4 or 5 times a week, because they’re too agoraphobic or is it selfish to leave their own house, mind you I am still paying rent for my place. Shit is so ass backwards. I’ll never do that again. I love my home now and I don’t plan on moving until I want to start a family.
See ya next Wednesday my dudes! -Ash Catcher |
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